Dad taking dd to ladies toilet

[AdaHopper]

MN - help dh and I with a disagreement please.

When dd(4) needs the loo in a public place, he takes her to the ladies' loos. I told him that women don't like that and he should take her to the men's loo. Aibu or is he?

He is BU. Whenever DP takes DSD (almost 6) they'll go in the mens. It's less appropriate for a fully grown man to go into the ladies than it is for a young girl to be taken into the mens.

From reading your last I hope you haven’t had to write a report on any incident ! Kick them out I mean really ! literally and with a child .

Fruit what is the question about little boys? I can't be bothered reading through 19 pages

The question a few people have asked is why are the men's toilets consodered to be so dirty and unpleasant that a dad can't take his little girl into them BUT they are fine for a little boy who would obviously go in there with his dad.

I've asked loads of people to leave with kids kids aren't allowed where I've worked alot of the time either at all or at certain times. Not even to just use the loo.

So yes I have and will continue to ask people to leave in front if their kids and call police if necessary cos im.not allowed them on the premesis and if they refuse to leave that's what I have to do. Their choice to kick up a fuss if the do

Ahh thanks Fruit That doesn't make any sense does it. I totally agree that if they're not good enough for my 6 year old DSD to cope with for 5 minutes then they're certainly not good enough for a 6 year old (or other age) boy to put up with either and if that's the case then clearly something needs be done about them

And newsflash and arseholes perverts and druggies or filthy men etc have kids too you know. You do not know hes no harm.

This is just absurd, men go into the gents toilets, regardless of whether they have a precious little girl or a robust little boy.

I have never seen a man take a girl into the ladies and I would definitely challenge him if I did.

@Lost If I was using a public ladies toilet and a DF opened the door and reasonably said “Excuse me, my toddler son needs to use the toilet and cannot go alone yet. The men’s toilets are vile would you mind if he used one of the ladies toilets and I helped him”, my response would be “of course I don’t mind”. It genuinely would not bother me at all. Clearly it would bother some people and to each their own. I can’t fathom that just as some people can’t fathom why it wouldn’t faze me.

Giles I know being a father does not necessarily make you a saint and they could potentially be horrible human beings too, however, I choose to assume most people are good until proven wrong. I think life would be very sad/hard indeed if I assumed everyone was out to get me.

But it's the ladies

Not ladies plus

Sooner or later it will be your dd confronted with a man she wasn't expecting and perhaps end up feeling she can't go out or do things incase people are where they shouldn't be.

What I don't understand is how women in the right place doing what they are supposed to be in that place and expecting to he amongst women, are in the wrong when it inconvieniences a man.

There is no way to police it so either you let men in and all that means or you dont..

It's all or nothing because you just can't monitor the situations

Dp has always taken our dds to the gents. They appear to have survived unscathed.

I doubt any men having a wee at the urinal are waving their willies about or anything.

sarah i feel the same. If its not suitable for DD then its not suitable for DS. The men who use these toilets should be complaining to management if they really are that bad. I tend to think that in most cases they are acceptable and people are just being precious.

There are lots of grotty womens toilets too which is why many women hover and carry handgel. I've taken my DS and DD into toilets that were not very nice and they have survived!

Wouldn't bother me. It isn't as if he can see me in a cubicle. I don't like my DD going into the mens loos, they are disgusting. I also don't have an issue with young boys going into the ladies with their mothers.

Really wouldn't bother me if a man came in with a young child. I'm safely behind a locked door. Can't see the harm.

So all of you who are happy to have men bringing daughters into the ladies toilets, how would you feel about the same dad bringing their daughter ladies changing rooms at the swimming pool?
After all, who knows what she might see in the gents!

Voice - we have an individual cubicle system here. You go in on 1 side and out the other (pool) side. They are all unisex. Hence perhaps the difference in attitude (DH grew up in this country).
Did anyone do the 'This morning' poll? What is the result?

" I find it hard to believe that any reasonable woman would have an issue with a dad taking a young daughter to the toilet in a ladies toilet ..."

There are plenty of reasonable women here who have issues. I've seen it happen (near Lake Windermere) and I was not impressed.

Okay so a young woman is doing her business with her knickers round her ankles when suddenly she hears a male voice coming into the toilets. She can’t see whether he actually has a young daughter with him or if he is using that as an excuse. She has a history of being sexually abused and suddenly she feels unable to come out of her cubicle. She starts to panic and to cry as, to her, she is very very vulnerable, trapped in a tiny cubicle with a strange man. By the time the chap has left she has relived her past several times in her mind and worked herself up into a frenzy.

How is that fair?

And for all those saying that the men’s toilets are disgusting (some examples I’ve read on this thread: glory holes, coke being snorted off the cistern, needles on the floor, piss on the walls, shit on the doors etc) .... where the hell are you allowing your children to go? I’ve worked in bars, restaurants, clubs and hotels my whole working life. I’ve been in many men’s toilets (before and after opening or to deal with a serious incident such as injuries) and I have never seen an actual glory hole, only ever seen used needles in one club and have seen much worse on the walls of the ladies loo. However that wasn’t somewhere I would take my kids! Oddly enough my local marks & sparks cafe doesn’t have the same culture as an underground nightclub so the toilets tend to be much nicer.

I think genuinely we get far too het up about gender. To me individual gender stuff is a relic of the day when to catch a glimpse of a woman's ankle was considered immoral and highly sexual. Id be more than have with cubicled unisex changing and toilets.

Most of the pools around here do anyway and have for 20 odd years. I'm totally lost at the idea that they are suddenly going to be filled with hidden cameras and men groping women under cubicles.just hasn't. I do worry we are teaching our young girls to be too fearful of men as a whole. We're teaching a new form of subservience. You must cover up to must keep separate because else the naughty men will get you. You aren't safe.

You can say what you like about the need to be gender neutral- my dd would freak out if a man came into a ladies loo.

We're teaching a new form of subservience. You must cover up to must keep separate because else the naughty men will get you. You aren't safe.

I think it’s more teaching boys and girls that they are entitled to their own space with those who’s bodies have been through or are going through similar changes as them. That they don’t have the feel embarrassed or awkward as a young pubescent boy or girl surrounded by fully grown men or women.

Sammy your polite and respectful father is the pathfinder for fathers who feel entitled to barge into women's toilets unannounced because their daughter (or son) can't possibly go into the men's and who don't care if they are upsetting women using a space designated by sex. Then the entitled man who considers the men's too dirty for his own use. You are agreeing to the women's toilet ultimately becoming unisex which means 10year old girls, teenage girls, women of any age are then conditioned to accept that men will be present in toilets previously designated for women. One of the reasons parents are reluctant to send young boys into men's toilets on their own is because of a perceived higher level of danger but the path you are proposing will lead to the same danger in previously women's/unisex toilets. Also if men's toilets are so dirty that we agree to men using women's toilets they will become equally dirty.

The better options are for men to learn how to be more clean in public toilets, for men to demand better facilities for themselves, for family cubicles to be provided, or for properly unisex facilities with individual floor to ceiling self contained cubicles that open directly onto a public space so men can't hang around unobserved.

I think it’s more teaching boys and girls that they are entitled to their own space

Cubicles give you your own space. Dividing the genders make it about gender which I think is sad.

I think a craash course in the history or women's toilets would be appropriate in this sort of thread

A hard fought for right