Dad taking dd to ladies toilet

[AdaHopper]

MN - help dh and I with a disagreement please.

When dd(4) needs the loo in a public place, he takes her to the ladies' loos. I told him that women don't like that and he should take her to the men's loo. Aibu or is he?

val I used the disabled toilets with my pair nearly a decade ago so things may well have changed but I don’t remember them being occupied very often, in fact almost never and if they were I would wait. I only traveled to places with parent parking spaces and large toilets, some places had large family spaces. There wasn’t any pressure on these facilities then but it seems that may have changed. Thankfully I only met with support and not judgement as I tried to get my pair out and about. Possibly I looked as exhausted as I felt.

MaisyPops is right about invisible disability. And incontinence (eg pelvic floor muscles weak after childbirth etc) would be considered a disability in this instance. If someone decides they need an accessible loo due or buys a RADAR key due to perceiving that they have a disabillity then I do not see why they should not be allowed to use an accessible loo. Unlike Blue Badges there is not a strict definition of disability which has to be proven by a doctor. Someone might not identify themselves as disabled in a major way but if they have a minor medical condition which might make using a standard size loo difficult or impossible they are welcome to consider it a disability for that purpose. no questions asked.

and yes, if obesity is caused by a medical or psychological issue then that would count too.

@sayyouwill in my experience, this more often than not is where the change facilities are, primarily due to the fact that often disabled toilets are located on lower ground floors to enable wheelchair users access to them. If I am out with my double buggy, the women's toilets are upstairs and the disabled toilets are downstairs, I really don't have any other option but to use the disabled toilet.

@Mumsiemummy1 then we have had different experiences.
I tend to go to child friendly or family friendly places ( eg swimming pools, supermarkets, soft plays, Metrocentre etc) all of which have family friendly toilets or baby changing facilities as well as disabled toilets which also have changing units in them so that disabled parents can also change their babies.

mumsiemummy Even as a disabled person who uses a stick for balance and who struggles with using stairs majorly due to a neuromuscular illness, I do understand your comments. I think in cases like that you may be justified in using the accessible toilets but this is just my opinion and I realise some would disagree.

Sayyouwill I dowonder if this is a regional thing- I rarely see family toilets in the part of the UK where I live now.

sorry, sayyouwill that was meant to be do wonder not dowonder!

I don’t know if it’s already been pointed out but this thread has been lifted and is on the DM site

@spottedcowreturns I'm pleased to here that some would see this as reasonable, as it genuinely left me wondering and worrying how many people I had pissed off with no idea.

Get in the lift?!

It’s also been picked up by This Morning and is the topic of their current poll!

spottedcow there are so many round here. I’d say 80% of the places I visit excluding eateries have separate baby changing facilities up here.

@valerrie assuming that's directed at me, obviously this would be in the event that there was no lift, which in my experience has been the case. Perhaps it's because I live in an old City where lifts are few and far between and most buildings are listed.

And tbh, I think lifts are a whole other issue in themselves where lazy able bodied people use them,making those with buggy, wheelchairs and otherwise wait...but that's a whhoooole other thread!

once again lazy journalists.
Im so fed up of this.

This isn’t about men doing what they like when they like. I highly doubt this Dad actually wanted to be in the ladies toilet. He was trying to protect his daughter thinking the ladies is a safer space for her there is no ulterior motive. I think what this does highlight is a desperate need for more family toilet facilities.

Totally agree with gamerwidow

“from what my husband has told me, he is yet to find a men’s toilet cubical that I would be happy for DD to use. I find it hard to believe that any reasonable woman would have an issue with a dad taking a young daughter to the toilet in a ladies toilet. If DH was using it himself or just spending time in there then fair enough but for the purposes of making our DD comfortable in a cleaner space I think this is the correct thing to do. I don’t understand why any woman would be upset by this.”

I assume you think it is just fine for young boys to use men’s toilets with their dads despite them being so dirty? If young boys can cope so could your daughter.

I would be upset if I found your dh in the women’s toilet, I don’t have to justify why.

Family friendly facilities would solve alot of problems.

I do think however it is very naive to see a parent with a child and completely rule out any ulterior motives.

If people think they can use a child to gain access somewhere and that people will fight amongst themselves for being unreasonable or unfair rather than confront people for being some where they should not be then that leaves things open for alot of abuse.

It also seriously inhibits children and their ability to do normal things like get a bus to a with a friend to go to town and grab a milkshake.

However nice your husband and wife is, please dint tell me that a 12/13 yr old girl would not be intimidated by some 6 ft 4 bloke outside her toilet cubicle door when they thought they were in the ladies.

All those saying "I'd report them"

Who to!? Nobody cares....

*All those saying "I'd report them"

Who to!? Nobody cares....*

Shop owner, shop manager, restaurant manager, supervisor, security etc... a number of people really.

What do expect them to do to a chap taking his child to the toilet .i mean seriously it’s not rocket science trying making a noise over something where u have some facts

Simple. Get him out the women's loos.

How funny ! How ! by don’t tell me wrestling him to the floor and forcing him out the door for taking his child to the toilet !

Well of he's as reasonable apparently you seem to think they are he woukd just leave when asked surely?

I've seen shop owners kick people out befire.

Hell I've refused service and asked people to leave loads of times

Why is no-one answering the question about small boys? Why are little girls so precious they can't possibly experience a male toilet but little boys are fine?