angry at ex

[AngryatEx]

Soon to be ex husband dumped me last year

sorry posted too soon.
Soon to be ex husband dumped me last year after I refused to relocate for his job and I got wise to his emotional abuse. We have 2 children aged 3 and 7 and he sees them about once a month when he flies back from Ireland. Ex mother in law lives 50 miles away and he has contact at her house. Divorce not gone through so contact is organized between solicitors.

I can't be in the same room as him so a friend has the children at hr house when he picks them up and drops them off. Last weekend he told my friend that 3 year old had swallowed marble thing from Hungry Hippos and to keep an eye on her. I went ballistic - he could of messaged me to tell me and he didn't take her to A+E. He wanted some keepsake from when he wasn't with the kids and he was more concerned about this than his child! It is now destroyed and in the bin.

I emailed his solicitor nd said he can't see them until I'm sure my children are safe with him and his mother. I got a reply that wants to know if contact still on for next visit totally ignoring my worries. I'm so angry!

YABU, you destroyed something in retaliation? Did you take your child to A&E? What did they say? TBH I probably wouldn't have, I always thought things like that worked there way through the system.

As for stopping contact? Bit of an overreaction.

I guess you are the perfect parent and have eyes on them at all times?

So he let you know what had happened through the allocated point of contact?

A hungry hippo ball is small and smooth so as long as no initial choking I don’t think an a and e trip would be needed? If you where that worried did you seek medical help when she got back?

I rang 111 who told me what to watch out for but that's not the point - I should of been told when it happened. Plus I'm the one sifting through poo to make sure it passed!

He wanted some keepsake from when he wasn't with the kids and he was more concerned about this than his child! It is now destroyed and in the bin.

Retaliation like this makes you sound mean and petty. How is something like this any help to your kids and your relationship with your ex, which you'll have to maintain for a long time?

Maybe you both need to grow up and put your kids first, rather than trying to annoy and hurt each other.

Kids eat marbles. I wouldn’t expect the little plastic ones from Hungry Hippos to cause an A&E worthy problem. Just keep an eye out for it.

So you wanted him to contact you during his contact time to tell you about it? Even though there was nothing that could be done other than wait for it to pass? And he told you at drop off via the 3rd party?

I think you are just looking for something to beat him with here and you are wrong. I also find it bloody disgusting that you destroyed some of his property in retaliation.

Send your kids to their dads for contact and grow the fuck up.

Maybe not the point but why did you refuse to relocate ?

He wanted some keepsake from when he wasn't with the kids and he was more concerned about this than his child! It is now destroyed and in the bin.

Completely unnecessary and quite nasty.

He told you through the appropriate channels.

You stopping contact will look bad on you not him.

You sound very bitter and petty. If you can’t be in the same room as him for the kids you can see why he wouldn’t think you’d want him to text you

Fuck my kids would have been removed from my care long ago if I wasn't allowed to see them after they swallowed something/hurt them self in my care.

Yep he should have told you but why are you sifting through poo? It will go through his system?

I took my daughter to a+e after I thought she swollowed an earring and they were only slightly worried in case the stalk perforated something.

Maybe I shouldn't of destroyed it but he cares more about things than his child.

I'm not a perfect parent but I would of told him straight away.

You dont have grounds to stop contact if you did a lot of parents would be under suspicion for swallowing a marble.

Whatever happened in your marriage/ended it has led to your anger you are being unreasonable now

I think there must be more to this. The marble on its own is a regular kid thing.

I see that you mentioned emotional abuse, and that you can’t be in the same room. Is that court ordered? It sounds intense.

How do you come to the conclusion he cares more about possessions than his child? You sound so immature.

Why did you need to know straight away? What would you have done?

You are coming across as a bit of a drama queen. Long term I don’t think stopping contact for no real reason will play in your favour if it comes to court contact orders.

It sounds like your need to hurt him trumps the need to build an neutral/amicable relationship with your ex for the sake your kids.

Put your children's needs first. Please. They will be so much happier with two parents who don't use them as weapons against each other.

Maybe I shouldn't of destroyed it but he cares more about things than his child.

No maybe about it.

Any evidence that he care about things more than his DC?

You are coming across as very bitter and childish.

I'm sure you are very hurt by all of this, and it's not easy for anyone.

However, destroying his property is not the way to go.

I think your kids need to see their Dad unless there is more to it than you are telling us.

They're his kids too, why do you get to decide he can't see them until he proves himself to you? Does that work the other way too, can he keep them from you until you prove yourself? How ridiculous.

You refuse to be in a room with him but want him to contact you immediately about a non-emergency?

I can see why he avoids contacting you to be honest.

If I was in that situation, I agree that I would have at least rang the nhs to get confirmation that I didn’t need to get medical assistance (I’m a worrier) but I would have also done exactly the same in regards to letting the 3rd party know.

If you can’t even be in the same room as him for ten minutes for the sake the children’s pick up why would he even consider contacting you unless it was a real medical emergency. I wouldn’t have.

I can't be in the same room as he is manipulative and emotionally abusive. Its not court ordered but I stopped contact if I had to see him so friends and family stepped in to do the handover. They know not to believe anything he says and I've told them to be civil but not nice to him otherwise he'll just twist them against me.

And if you both have Solicitors why are you emailing his Solicitor directly?