angry at ex

[AngryatEx]

Soon to be ex husband dumped me last year

You seriously can't claim that your child is unsafe with him just because she swallowed a tiny plastic ball, it's the sort of accident that happens every day all over the country. Likewise it's irrational to say he should have taken her to A&E when you have been told not to; or to complain that it's you that has to check whether it's passed through, because you'd have had to do that anyway, wouldn't you?

Irrespective of what he has done in the past, if you make a big issue out of this you will only end up giving him lots of material to use against you. Drop it, for your own sake.

I've been discharged from domestic violence team and don't need help any more except for ex to protect my children like I do

Im sorry you have been subject to this, emotional abuse is damaging and actually a more powerful way to control a person than physical abuse. But you cant say this, accidents happen, we do our best but with all the will in the world they do.

I think the problem here is that you have not admitted that you were in the wrong, even after everyone has told you that you overreacted. All I'm seeing is excuses and blame laid at his door for events which tbh don't have anything to so with a child swallowing a marble

I wouldn’t sift through the poo. My child swallowed something a few years ago. I did rightly or wrongly take her to children’s a&as because Google search worried me about it flipping over and blocking her airway.

The doctor said it would go through but not to bother checking poo because it was messy and I would only stress if I didn’t find it. I listened to those wise words and went with them.

I can't be in the same room as he is manipulative and emotionally abusive. Its not court ordered but I stopped contact if I had to see him so friends and family stepped in to do the handover. They know not to believe anything he says and I've told them to be civil but not nice to him otherwise he'll just twist them against me.

Telling a 3 and 7 yo not to believe anything their father says and to then stop contact as a form of retaliation (because he didn't take her to A&E, which you didn't either) is also very manipulative and emotionally abusive to your children. You don't see it but you are causing them harm by using them as pawns in a revenge game.

wild She means she tells the family and friends not to believe him, not the kids.

Ah, phew, I misread that. Sorry.

Op i am seperated from an emotionally abusive man. Its drove me to the point that i feel i am losing it.

But you are over reacting. He had no need to contact you. Which is what you want. It wasnt an emergency. Which you confirmed by calling 111. Whatever he has done in thr past, he hasnt donr anything wrong here.

You cant smash his stuff as and when you arent happy with his actions. You also can not stop contact over this. If you do, it will not go well in court for you. Smashing his stuff only plays in to his story of 'she is crazy. I didnt abuse her. She is the one thats nasty'.

Dont do this. Calm down. And stop stopping contact as and when you wish.

I do wonder a bit at the 'emotionally abusive' man, though. You fell out over the fact that you didn't want to relocate with him - this is not, in itself, unreasonable of either of you.
But he left you. Emotional abusers rarely dump their victims - they prefer to keep playing with them, and an EA relationship usually only ends when the victim gets the strength to leave. So far, you have not said anything which portrays him as the bad guy, but a lot of stuff which suggest you are potentially emotionally abusive, not him.

I think you are struggling to seperate ex's relationship with you & ex's relationship with your children.
He left you, & that hurts. A year in & it doesn't sound like you are any closer to closure.
When I separated from my dc's dad I behaved like a crazy person. I had no idea who I was anymore, i just wanted to hurt him. The only way to do that was to control his parenting.
Luckily I stepped back & realised how much I was hurting myself.
Now, we're years down the line & our children are none the wiser. Were not friends but we parent together.
Our relationship was terrible, I would definitely go so far as to say it was abusive. Emotionally & physically. I try not to think about it too much because I have forgiven him & moved on.
But I had to take control of how I managed my own emotions.
He had really messed me up while we were together but I didn't want to give him my future as well.
You know in your heart of hearts your children aren't in danger while they are with him. Detach & let him parent.
You might not like how he does things, but for your sanity It's the only way to move forward

Whatever the truth of this don't use your child as a weapon.

If I was you I'd be glad he didn't contact you. Mine would have used it to open the lines of communication. First dressing it up as concern for the child. Then somehow it would all end up.being my fault, that I should have gone to the doctor, checked the poo. Didn't respond to messages quick enough.
If it's working at the moment I would leave it as it is.