angry at ex

[AngryatEx]

Soon to be ex husband dumped me last year

I emailed his solicitor nd said he can't see them until I'm sure my children are safe with him and his mother.

I hope he takes you to the cleaners and gets residency before you completely destroy their relationship with their father.

I think you are coming across as very vengeful and petty. You may be bitter about the split but you shouldn't be taking it out on your children. It looks like you are damaging the relationship between your ex and your children on purpose. You need to grow up and realise that while you and your DH split, it wasn't your children's decision. They still need and want their father and I get the impression you are doing all you can to damage this. Petty, immature and ugly.

wow... this is a massive 'inconvenience' for your friends... having to be the Contact Point for visitation... particularly as it is not Court Ordered.. they must really care about your kids Lady... I hope your cherish what they do for your kids

Its not court ordered

Well carry on breaking things and threatening to stop contact and it may very well be.

I'm not petty I'm the victim of domestic violence!

I stopped contact if I had to see

Wow. Just. Wow
Ever thought that it's not about you??
It's about your children

I emailed his solicitor nd said he can't see them until I'm sure my children are safe with him and his mother.

Well expect court papers in the post soon. Don't go around threatening things that you have no right to do.

You are coming across as very vengeful which is never good.

You are upset that your ex who you can’t speak to face to face shared information your handover friend? If you refuse to speak to him what else did you want him to do?

You destroyed your child’s toy because you were angry with their father? That is not the behaviour of a rational, kind parent. I really hope your children did not witness this.

For your sake and th sale your children you need to deal with your anger towards your ex.

My friends are very nice to do it a and I am very thankful. My family used to do it but they got sick of the arguments. We can't use a contact centre as they are closed at weekends.

You sound very angry and like you're looking for a reason to stop contact. How is he supposed to tell you if you won't be in the same room. This is exactly why you both need to grow up, put the children's needs first and get over whatever happened between the two of you. Sorry to be harsh but from what you've said you sound like you completely overreacted in quite a nasty way.

OP.. was your child ok ? after swallowing the marble ? what did you destroy when you lashed out in anger... ? can it be repaired x

Honestly you sound slightly deranged.

I think you should be working through the issues you clearly have (not just issues due to the relationship but also with your immaturity) with some kind of therapist.

You need to think about the kids you have and how you are going to fuck them up royally as they get older if you carry on with the pettiness.

Why are you so bitter? Do you think carrying around all that bitter negativity is affecting you or your ex? Do you think life would be a hell of a lot nicer for you if you let it go?

I know what I have written sounds harsh, I can only imagine how hard it must be having to carry on a close relationship with an EA ex, but you need to put it all aside for the sake of your kids that deserve an equal loving relationship with both parents.

I think you need to take a step back for a second. Can you hand on heart say that stopping contact is about their best interest and not your own desire to get one up on him?

I think really you need to bite the bullet email the solicitor back and admit you overreacted and that the normal contact schedule will be resumed.

He might be a shitty partner and a not 100% father but from what you have said it is a major over-reaction to refuse contact and you will be classed as the unreasonable one. Instead calmly set out your concerns to your solicitor to pass on

She was fine the next day but had some tummy pains and was sick. No ill effects. The keepsake was part of a display made for her by my mum.

You tell people not to be nice to him because he'll turn them against you?

If this ends up in court you are currently looking dreadful I'm afraid.

I think OP is very upset and has had a fright... she has reacted to this and now something her Ex wanted has now been damaged.. possibly more confrontation is about to happen...

OP can you repair what has been damaged and hand it over without more confrontation.....

You destroyed your child's property to punish your ex? That is appalling.

I'm sorry your struggling with the separation and adapting to you both parenting separatey. That said however angry you are you need to find away to put it to one side and work through it separately. Destroying property and lashing out in the heat of the moment won't change how you feel, it'll just set an awful example to your children. Given there was domestic violence haven't they already been through enough?

No one knows how awful he is as he presents a nice face to everyone else. He will twist things to make me look bad and then be all calm and reasonable.

I have heard of abusive men who manage to convince everyone that their ex-partner is a crazy bitch. But you appear to be doing the job on your own. Everything you have posted suggests that he wasn't EA at all, but you decided that refusing to give in to your every whim was somehow 'abusive'. You've embroiled your friends and family in all this self-created drama, and now you are destroying your children's property by way of revenge.

If I was your MIL or your XH I would be looking into getting full custody and restricting you to supervised contact, because your spite, malice and selfishness suggest you will be EA to your DC to a damaging extent.

Thank you Gemini for trying to understand. What was destroyed went in the bin on Sunday so it's gone.

You are getting a lot of things muddled in together here OP.

He was a bastard to you and you don’t want contact with him. That is 100% fair enough. BUT you can’t want that and he annoyed that he didn’t contact you. He has actually stuck to the boundaries you gave him by dealing with the person doing the hangovers for you.

Destroying something he wanted is childish and is purely you using that as an outlet for frustration at the situation you’re in. It’s done now but don’t do it again.

As a victim of domestic violence, you understandably are waiting for him to do the next thing wrong and to either hurt or disappoint you and your children, but you need to stay rational here. There was no harm done to anyone - would you realistically have called him and told him the dc had swallowed a hungry hippo marble on a non contact day? I doubt it as there’s just no need.

He will twist things to make me look bad and then be all calm and reasonable.

In this instance he isn't twisting anything and you are the one looking bad.

You broke something of his deliberetly out of spite and you have emailed his solicitor withdrawing contact!

You aren't looking good in this case and he hasn't twisted anything.

Some of the people on this forum are such arseholes. Telling an abused woman who is so fearful of her ex that she cannot be in the same room as him that she is petty, ugly, mean, nasty, immature, unreasonable, bitter, not a kind and rational parent, doing all she can to damage the dc's relationship with their father... Really? You really think that is helpful? Even if this is AIBU, that doesn't mean you have to try out for spiteful bitch of the year, for goodness' sake. There are ways of delivering a message that don't involve giving an already distressed person a kicking.

OP, I don't think that was the right way to react, at all. Lots of children swallow marbles, it really isn't an emergency, and it's not a good reason to stop contact. Destroying the keepsake wasn't fair, either. What support do you have in getting through what is obviously a horrible time for you?