to think my houseguest doesn't like me?

[lostpurplehoodie]

I have someone staying for a couple of nights as he's involved in an event in our city and asked if he could stay. I'm getting the impression that we've not been asked for any other reason than convenience and he's not that bothered about us at all.

He turned up last night as I was cooking dinner, empty handed, and then decided to go to bed as soon as we'd finished eating (around 8ish). When he surfaced at 10.30 I asked how he slept and he told me he had read until gone midnight but then slept very well. He's announced that he's off out this afternoon with friends - who live in his hometown, and we're very much not invited, but he'll see us at the event/afterwards.

AIBU to think he doesn't actually like us that much and is seeing us as a means to an end?

Maybe he doesn’t want to impose too much. Your already letting him stay he doesn’t want to monopolise all your time?

Oh, lord. Is he a friend? Acquaintance?

As far as I can see, he hasn’t made a secret of the fact that he is staying with you because he has something to do locally. Do you really expect him to invite you along for dinner when he is meeting a friend (who presumably you don’t even know)?

he sounds like the perfect guest

He did ask if he could stay to do the event, not stay to come visit you as such. I dont think it means they dont like you, just that the deal was they were "crashing" at yours rather than "visiting".

I sort of admire his honesty - he’s staying there as a means to an end and is treating it as such. Disgraceful to not turn up with even so much as a bunch of flowers to say thanks though. Maybe he’ll give something on his departure?

No I don’t expect him to invite me along with friends I don’t know, but I feel like we’re being treated as a hotel rather than friends you stay with. I find it odd that he’s off out and hasn’t considered we might want to see him when he’s here with us. It feels like kind of a snub when we’ve put ourselves out to host him he’s not bothered about spending any time with us. I guess it feels rude that he’s using us as a crash pad rather than treating us as friends.

I agree with others who mentioned he is the perfect guest, not putting you out by lottering around. Perfect !!

You are just a free hotel.

How do you know him?

He sounds like a total arse!

Try talking to him? Perhaps he is trying not to be an inconvenience or perhaps he does see you as a free hotel.

Never turn up to someone's else empty handed. That's his worst crime

He sounds like someone who just wanted a free hotel room.

Rude to turn up empty-handed but otherwise I don't think there's a problem.

Is he a friend?!

I think you and he have different expectations. He thinks he's being a good guest by not getting under your feet - and he asked, initially, if he could crash at yours, not 'visit' you. You would prefer him to spend more time with you.

I have sometimes begged sleep space off friends when going to an event in their area, but it's usually involved having dinner with them, hanging out, and bringing them some wine or other small gifts. I did once deliberately not ask my friends if I could stay at theirs over an event weekend, because I knew that the event was very full on and I would be caught up in it all of the two days and most of the night, and it would have been an imposition...

Why didn't "Tommy tight-as-a-duck's-arse" stay with his friends?

“No I don’t expect him to invite me along with friends I don’t know, but I feel like we’re being treated as a hotel rather than friends you stay with. I find it odd that he’s off out and hasn’t considered we might want to see him when he’s here with us. It feels like kind of a snub when we’ve put ourselves out to host him he’s not bothered about spending any time with us. I guess it feels rude that he’s using us as a crash pad rather than treating us as friends.”

Well, are you friends? You haven’t said.

I agree that showing up empty-handed was poor form though

Aaaahhhhh...... [puts hands together thoughtfully]... I havehad experience of this.

We live in an area that has a very very famous annual festival. I know of 'friends' like these....

(the ones that you never hear from throughout the entire year until about 6 weeks before the event when they are booking tickets).

You are a hotel, sorry. I hope he at least brings a thank you gift of some sort. And I know very well how bloody galling it is.

Who is this Man? You haven't told us. Is he your husbands friend, colleague?

Oh my God, how utterly and completely rude! And what an abuse of your good nature in offering him a room and cooking him a meal. I am on your behalf. Disgraceful behaviour.

Yes we’re friends. Or at least I thought we were. He asked to stay when the event was arranged originally and then asked for the second night last week because he was worried about timings for the event tonight.

Surely the biggest inconvenience of having guests is the sorting the spare room/laundry etc, not having them chat to you for an hour after supper or spending the day they asked to spend at your house and you agreed together?

Is it your or your partners much younger brother?

I think it sounds like he's trying to stay out of your way and not impose too much as you're right, he is just there to attend this event you mentioned and not to monopolise all your time. Honestly, I would love this. When we have houseguests, they are literally here....all the time...needing to be entertained, cooked for, driven around, etc. I would love to see more of my friends when they had other plans as well and could manage themselves better. It's nice to see people and have meals, but personally I don't need to be everyone's personal concierge. It sound like maybe he feels like he's imposing a bit already and it trying to minimise that.

He is a cf of the finest.