AIBU or is DH regarding night out??

[JoandMax]

So DH has gone out tonight (last minute) and I'm massively pissed off.......

Backstory - we don't live in UK and my parents left earlier today after a visit. It was a lovely lovely time but it's always quite tiring doing all the cooking/driving/entertaining.

I am very close to my parents, as are the DC (7 and 9) so saying goodbye is a bit upsetting and emotional. DS1 is also a sensitive one so gets really upset when they leave.

I'd texted DH earlier when I dropped them at the airport saying I was sad etc but was looking forward to a chilled out evening on the sofa in pjs with him.

DC had after school activities so we didn't get home til 6pm when DH announced he'd been invited out so was leaving in 10 minutes........

So I've cooked and cleared up for the DC and now both are in our bed as they're feeling upset (and knackered after some late nights) and I'm sitting in the dark with them until they go to sleep uncomfortable and hungry and really pissed off with him!

He is usually very hands on, does his fair share of childcare/cooking, doesn't take the piss going out etc.

But I'm so annoyed he said yes to going out in the first place and then went out when he knew how I felt.

So is it me being a bit unreasonable and tired and emotional or is he being a bit of a thoughtless dick?!

Maybe the visit by your parents isn’t as lovely for you as it is for him?

Maybe he thought you'd like a quiet evening in on your own?

Yabu to be a martyr being hungry but sitting with 2 dc of 7+9 until they go to sleep...

You want a quiet night on the sofa now your parents have gone but maybe he wants a bit of time out the house now they have gone? It’s okay to both want different things. You can have your quiet night in and complete control over the tv remote.

Wtf are you doing sitting in the dark hungry for?!

I'm trying to think how I would feel... I also live away.

Could you have eaten with the children? That's probably what I would have done and been fine, honestly. DH does a lot with, and for, my parents and I would want him to go out.

He gets on really well with my parents so enjoys them staying. I make the same amount of effort for his when they stay too.

Wolfie - I wish it was that but I'd told him I was looking forward to spending time with him........ And he knows the DC will be up and down as they always are!!!

Your DC aren’t infants. Put them into their own beds and go get some food!

To clarify I don't normally sit in the dark with them but they were both teary and clingy, as they always are the night grandparents leave, so it's just a one off

He's not being unreasonable. You are martyring yourself sitting in the dark with a 7 and 9 year old! You've had a great time with your parents. An evening just you and your dc won't kill you.

So what should he have said. I'm sorry I can't go out because my partner wants me to sit on the sofa in my PJs?
Did you actually ask him not to go? It's no good being a martyr about it if you didn't actually say you were really upset at the idea.

I wouldn't sit with them for a one off even unless they were sick.

They're 7 & 9 and old enough to understand why their GPs have gone home and that it's ok to be a bit sad about it.

Go eat and veg out.

I don't really think your DH is so awful from what you've said about him

Well your kids aren’t babies any more, you shouldn’t be sitting in the dark with them till the go to sleep, and sitting hungry too.

As he doesn’t take the piss, I think you’re beinf a little selfish. I assume he was on hand to be there with your parents. I think wanting him to be in also when they leave is a bit much.

So yes, I think you’re being unreasonable. He also should be allowed to do things for him.

I told him I'd prefer he didn't go as I was shattered and could do with a hand sorting the DC.

Prepared to accept I was unreasonably annoyed though!

You sound massively needy. I have no idea why you're pandering to a 7yo and 9yo by sitting with them in the dark. Dont any of you have any emotional resilience?

Maybe dh didn't want to sit in the house all night mourning your parents departure.

YABU. You told him what you expected but you didn't have firm plans you'd both agreed to together. I really like my in laws but like to get out after they've been and they only come for the day. Go get some food.

So, before you had said that you were looking forward to a night in with him, if he had said 'I fancy a night at the pub to unwind this evening' would you have objected? Is it just because you had sent this text that you think he should have turned down a night out?

You only have 2dc......

Unless you only see your parents once every 10years or something then I think YABU.
I'm sure your husband does enjoy the company of his in-laws but that doesnt meab he also cant be glad theyve gone! It does seem you are a bit over the top with it.
Your kids are 7 and 9, it seems a bit weird they are so emotional about the GPs leaving.. perhaps you have unintentionally added to that. Regardless they are old enough to be left in their beds and told you will be going downstairs to get some food. Plus if they are up and down just send them back to their beds! Really if you stop pandering to them its more likely they would actually stay in their beds.

I think yabu a tad...especially as you say he is usually hands on and doesn't usually take the piss with nights out.
Let him have his night... you are clearly a bit emotional with the parents leaving, so once the kids are asleep get urself a quick snack and have a nice long quiet soak in the bath to chill out.

Lots of people only see relatives when they come and stay and you sound very needy , which is probably what has rubbed off on your dc who are plenty old enough to know that visitors don’t stay forever . Therefore YABU .

Say to kids: "Right good night - off to your bedrooms now."

Leave room. Ignore moans. Go downstairs. Open fridge. Pour wine. Put crap telly on.

I told him I'd prefer he didn't go as I was shattered and could do with a hand sorting the DC

That’s no really ok. The children are too old now for this level of needing sorting. I think you should text him and tell him sorry and to have fun.

I’m sure he does like your parents and having them there, but really 5ey are your parents and he deserves some me time. Most folks do after an extended in law visit.

No he had replied saying he was looking forward to catching up just the 2 of us.

Is it really that bad to feel a bit upset saying goodbye to people you care about?!! We see parents probably every 6 months on average,

If it counts DH also finds it hard saying goodbye to his parents and if it were the other way round then I would of turned a night out down. Is it that wrong to want a bit of emotional support from your partner when you feel a bit low??

The DC are very close to their GPs, they'll be fine tomorrow but are always a bit down the day they leave

Anyway I have messaged to say I hope he has a nice evening and he's replied back so all is well