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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or is DH regarding night out??

86 replies

JoandMax · 14/11/2017 16:20

So DH has gone out tonight (last minute) and I'm massively pissed off.......

Backstory - we don't live in UK and my parents left earlier today after a visit. It was a lovely lovely time but it's always quite tiring doing all the cooking/driving/entertaining.

I am very close to my parents, as are the DC (7 and 9) so saying goodbye is a bit upsetting and emotional. DS1 is also a sensitive one so gets really upset when they leave.

I'd texted DH earlier when I dropped them at the airport saying I was sad etc but was looking forward to a chilled out evening on the sofa in pjs with him.

DC had after school activities so we didn't get home til 6pm when DH announced he'd been invited out so was leaving in 10 minutes........

So I've cooked and cleared up for the DC and now both are in our bed as they're feeling upset (and knackered after some late nights) and I'm sitting in the dark with them until they go to sleep uncomfortable and hungry and really pissed off with him!

He is usually very hands on, does his fair share of childcare/cooking, doesn't take the piss going out etc.

But I'm so annoyed he said yes to going out in the first place and then went out when he knew how I felt.

So is it me being a bit unreasonable and tired and emotional or is he being a bit of a thoughtless dick?!

OP posts:

LoverOfCake · 14/11/2017 17:37

Good god I wouldn't be pandering to seven and nine year olds by sitting with them hungry in the dark. There's being a bit upset because family have gone and then there's martyring yourself and bringing everyone else down with you. Is it possible that you're feeding the kids' upset by allowing all this sleeping in your bed, being in the dark etc?

In fact maybe that's why the DH wants to go out because otherwise he might tell you to get a grip and leave the kids to sleep in their own beds.

ReanimatedSGB · 14/11/2017 17:43

He probably couldn't face an evening of all three of you whining and moaning, if it's 'always like that' when your family go home. I can see his point: you might want to tey and curb the martyr/misery tendency and don't encourage it in DC, either.

OlennasWimple · 14/11/2017 17:44

Your mistake was posting on AIBU right in the middle of your emotional wobble. DH isn't BU to go out, you aren't BU to feel down after your parents leave. Should he have stayed in? Maybe, but in that case you should have told him that in clear terms.

Have you tried WhatsApp video calls?

Original poster

JoandMax · 14/11/2017 17:44

Seriously it's ONE night I let them fall asleep in our bed with me there. They are tired and a bit down so yes I indulged them as much for my benefit as theirs. They need a decent sleep and by doing that they will have that and will wake up tomorrow well rested and happy. I didn't go and eat beforehand as I just wanted to get them sorted and asleep as soon as possible so I could relax

OP posts:

BeALert · 14/11/2017 17:45

Hmm well I'm also an expat and I see my parents every six months, so a similar situation.

I love having family visit, and I'm sad when they leave, but I can't imagine needing my husband there to make me feel better and help the children get to sleep.

If anything I'd be looking forward to having the remote control to myself, or a peaceful read.

urkidding · 14/11/2017 17:48

Why don't you get yourself a nice meal and video, and relax! You're lucky to have lovely parents and a lovely family, you're just tired, the children will be fine!

Lovelylovelyllamas · 14/11/2017 17:49

I think you're getting a hard time. I've been an expat too, although no kids, and frankly a night on the sofa together after either set of parents had been to stay would have been just what the doctor ordered.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 14/11/2017 17:50

He's off for a few days!!?? Completely unreasonable going out then. I'd be more cross about this!

Turquoise123 · 14/11/2017 17:50

Well he has had your parents staying - maybe he just wanted to get out for a bit. Seems pretty fair to me.

lazyleo · 14/11/2017 17:54

I feel for you OP, saying goodbye to parents you love when you know you won't see them for a long time is hard. I see mine every 6 weeks or so and thats hard enough. My 8 year old and gets sad when visitors leave although she is getting better over time as we lived away not for a couple of years, but I cant imagine how she'd be not seeing her for 6 months :( so whilst I wouldn't be lying with them till they fell asleep I can understand why you have done, (especially if you have on previous visits) When we lived nearby we saw them almost every day so it's been a big change.
I'd also be cheesed off if my husband went out unexpectedly for the evening the night my parents went away as he knows I get really down when they leave - if it was preplanned, or some kind of emergency then I'd be ok with it, but just coming in, knowing you are a bit sad/low and saying I'm off, see you later - I'd be a bit disappointed in him too.

I hope once you got the kids to sleep you managed to have a nice evening, even without your fave tv, and things have picked up again for you.

NC4now · 14/11/2017 17:58

I can see both sides. I love going out, and after a visit from ILs I’d be chomping at the bit. It’s understandable you’re a bit sad, but you must be used to living away from them.

He’ll be back soon anyway.

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