AIBU to be slightly upset that I am not a bridesmaid?

[Marissa2727]

Hi!

Am I being unreasonable to be slightly upset about not being asked to be a bridesmaid at my close friends wedding next summer? We have been close friends since school, our partners are friends and she was a bridesmaid at my wedding this year.

I haven’t said anything to her about this. She talks about her wedding a lot and I feel a bit awkward, especially when she refers to her bridesmaids. I would understand it more if she was only having a couple of bridesmaids but from what I understand she is having at least 5 or 6. She is very wealthy so it is definitely not a cost issue.

I haven’t spoken to her about this because I don’t want to look petty or cause any tension between us, I really value her friendship. I’m thinking that she should have brought it up with me really...

A separate issue is that she has planned a week long hen do abroad in a very expensive place. I can’t really afford to go anyway but probably would have stretched myself in order to go if I was a bridesmaid. Do you think it would be unreasonable of me to not go on this?

Thank you in advance! Xx

Actually, whenever ANYONE treats me like shit without explanation - employer/boyfriend/family member/friend, I would encourage: DITCH AND MOVE ON!

I do believe a bride should have the wedding she (and the groom) wants, but I do agree it's very hurtful to be excluded.

My brother (whom I'm very close to) is getting married. I'm not a bridesmaid, which I was fine with until I found out her brothers partner is one. She lives in Australia! How can she consider them closer friends than we are?

It's hurtful to feel like the friendship isn't reciprocated in the same way that you feel about her, yanbu.

My friend had someone read a bible passage about love/marriage at her wedding...this someone had had a very public affair during the course of their own (recent and brief) marriage.

My eyebrows were raised, my pearls clutched and my judgy pants were bosom-high.

Actually, whenever ANYONE treats me like shit without explanation - employer/boyfriend/family member/friend, I would encourage: DITCH AND MOVE ON!

Ah, you're one of those. Gotcha.

Yep. Life's too short so you only get one chance with me.
TBH I hate most folk and would rather be alone with cat so any excuse to delete and block really.

I would be very polite about wedding preparations and I wouldn’t say a thing about not being a bridesmaid because after all it is her choice.

But I’d politely decline the holiday.

One of my bridesmaids is getting married next year and she hasn’t asked me to be bridesmaid. No explanation, just casually mentioned who her bridesmaids are when another friend asked. So I know how you feel. But I think it’s just one of those things you have to accept. There isn’t much point in asking why, in my view. I wouldn’t go in the week-long hen if you can’t afford it and don’t fancy it.

Yep. Life's too short so you only get one chance with me

Sounds like one too many.

You are definitely justified not going on the hen.

I just don't get how you could be "normal" with a "friend" again after something like this. It would eat away at me til I knew why. I mean, you couldn't be close to the person or trust them again, could you? It would permanently be in the back of my mind whenever I saw them.

I may be overinvested because my aunt left me out of being a flower girl when I was 12 because I wasn't sufficiently photogenic.

Hot - why are you taking what I say so personally? Do I know you? Or are you the bride in this scenario?

This is the internet. It's AIBU. The OP asked for opinions. And I'm a bitch. Get over it.

A separate issue is that she has planned a week long hen do abroad in a very expensive place.

Is she insane?

Look at not being a bridesmaid as saving you from having no choice but to use up a week's holiday and a fortune you don't want to spend, and it could be worse.

I've been a bridesmaid seven times, so I should probably expect some upset when I start planning my wedding next year, I don't intend to have any!

Just interested, is all. It's such an extreme stance to take, very entitled. It's fascinating.

One married but the rest unmarried sounds like she is being very traditional and having a Matron of Honour and Bridesmaids

Chicken you’re hilarious, I love your attitude! Wish I had the guts to behave like that. Can I be your friend? Until you decide to ditch me of course

Expensive week-long hen do? Entitled, much. No way should you go to that if you’ve got doubts.

If I made someone my bridesmaid and they accepted, I expect them to invite me to be theirs unless there's some major reason why not.

A bit like when you invite someone for dinner. They reciprocate in due course.

Or if you give someone a great blow-job, I expect to receive an orgasm in return, yeah?

It's about good manners. But if you're "fascinated", I can recommend Debrett's for a guide to social etiquette. Unsure if they have a chapter on sex.

Hot I don’t think Chicken is entitled at all. Just a no-nonsense person who thinks life’s too short to waste on people who annoy her.

Lalliella - of course. You can be my friend. But I'll be keeping a note of all your shortcomings/offences until the great day where finally I Sack You Off.

Of course she is. It's a "you will do what I want or that's it, you're ditched!". It's controlling as well.

But enough about that. OP, people can ask whoever they want, her being your bridesmaid doesn't mean you must be hers, it doesn't work like that. If you're not close enough to talk about it, that says it all.

It's not "do what I want" it's "do the right (polite) thing".

Also, you need to get a fucking sense of humour by the way ffs.

I can understand you are upset. However I have been bridesmaid 9 times, I couldn’t have 9 bridesmaids so didn’t ask all to be mine. It was nothing personal to any of them. I don’t think any were upset as they understood the reasons. If I were you I would mention it calmly. It may have no reflection on your friendship and if you understand the reasons you may feel better.