To have expected a response by now

[Dancingfairy]

I was in a store shopping with my dd who has asd. As we were near the checkouts she had a melt down over something and knocked some gift cards off the shelf displayed by the till. I tried I help encourage her to pick them up but she wouldn't so I asked my son to help. As he was picking them up dd knocked some more onto the floor. At this point I was trying to hold her to stop her knocking any more off and decided it would be best to remove her from the shop before she does anything else. (She did not damage anything or break anything) I fully accept I could have picked them all up but at that moment the best thing seemed to be to remove her from the shop. As I was walking out and got outside I was chased by a security guard who was shouting at us. I was very shocked couldn't actually believe it. I tried to explain to him she has asd but he was having none of it and told me we were banned from the shop! I found this really extreme and it was also distressing for my dd who I removed from the shop to calm down so made her worse. I have since complained to the shop (this happened on the 30th of October) and have not received any response at all. I've chased it up 4 times and always get told the same thing, someone will contact me but it never happens. I feel it's very extreme to be banned from a shop over this and have never been banned from anywhere in my life. What more can I do as they won't respond to my complaint.

Let's hope the Daily fail picks up on this!!!!!

Well, if you do not get a response (and do contact Head Office) then even if there was not a ban on you, would you really want to go there again?

Was it Wilkos? Gosh.

Social media. I had horrendous problems with a national company for double glazing that were harassing us when FIL had just passed away. I'd complained to the company, head office, local council, trading standards..... put a post on their Twitter feed and it all stopped overnight. I'm really sorry you're getting such a crap response on this when you've done your best to try and sort it .

And another one!!! They’re all out today! @Viviennemary no-one wilfully did anything. Please understand the subject before you comment.

Did the security guard issue you with a banning order? Having worked in a shop where we did ban some people I know we had to fill out a proper form to make it all legit.
Have you contacted the store or hq? Complaining to the store directly on social media is quite effective as most of them are very brand protective.

Yy to contacting Wilkos on social media. You could point them to the NAS and other stores such as Tesco who have introduced an autism hour for shoppers with ASD when lights are turned low, music off etc etc.

Hello folks, we're just sticking our oar in to remind everyone that disablist comments are not acceptable on Mumsnet- we've already had to zap several on this thread, and will ban repeat offenders.

It’s not an excuse. You really don’t have a clue about the realities of ASD.

The reality is a person can be predictably unpredictable. Sometimes you plan and prepare for every eventuality and they surprise you. Today they are having a better day and can manage to hold it all in until they get home. Then they go into meltdown or shutdown.

Other times they appear to be coping and you turn to look at something to buy and turn back, in those few moments something has overloaded then. Could be someone’s perfume, or a pram has bumped them or the lights have become too much.

Then they lose control.

It’s not a tantrum, it’s not on purpose to annoy anyone. It’s the reality of their life.

Yes it’s awkward, yes it socially isolates you, yes you wish they could cope. But, they can’t.

You are their lifeline and their support. People not understanding ASD should NOT voice their opinions until they have had to cope with similar. It’s very hard.

It’s a disability. You cant switch it off. It’s for life. It’s because it’s a hidden disability that everyday people feel they have the right to judge.

What’s the alternative? We become more socially isolated than we already are? Because we don’t fit into someone’s idea of a perfect world?

Surely in this age of education, people should be a little more tolerant and understanding?

It’s comments like these than make me despair.

OP I just want to let you know that it can improve. It’s hellish now but my eldest was like this and is now nearly 16 and much more able to cope. Agree with everyone else here re: social media. It was an unfortunate situation that was handled very badly by the store. I’d have helped pick up the mess if I’d been there, and it’s a shame you weren’t given any support.

My response was to the now deleted post, not to the OP.

I would go to the store and ask to speak to the manager directly. Ideally go without the children if possible, so that you can have a serious conversation with the manager without being interrupted. It is only fair that, before you go to the press/social media, you actually go in person to try and resolve it amicably - social media/press is the nuclear option and I only ever go there if I have exhausted all reasonable steps (calling/emailing/speaking to them in person) first.

I work in a large supermarket and if a customer comes in and asks to speak with the manager, we will always get them (or the duty manager/supervisor if the manager isn't in or available) as from a practical, as well as a customer service, POV it is much better for us to get the manager and "pass on" the issue so they can take them to a more private area to discuss the issue than have an angry/annoyed/upset customer potentially causing a scene in front of all the other customers on the shop floor.

Once you have got the manager, don't go in all guns blazing (as we retail workers are just people too and respond best to measured/calm discussion rather than just being ranted and shouted at) but calmly explain what happened with your DD - how she knocked over the display in the course of an ASD meltdown and you felt it was better to remove her from the store than stay to clear up. I would apologise for the extra work that created for the shop floor staff because even though colleagues expect to have to tidy up messes made by customers, an apology in acknowledgement of the extra work you created never goes down badly. I'd then go on to explain what happened with the security guard and how their behaviour was deeply embarrassing for you - being shouted at and banned from the store in the middle of the street/car park - and showed no understanding of your daughter's disability.

I would let the manager address the initial issue (ideally apologising, explaining the store policy and offering re-training of the staff wrt disability training at the very least) before following up with how disappointed and upset you have felt at the way your initial complaint was handled badly. I'd outline how many issues you have had getting any kind of response from the company and ask why they have been so evasive - the issue could have been resolved with a quick call/email to apologise but now it has escalated.

Only if you feel that your issue wasn't resolved or treated in the right way would I then go to the press/social media.

OP, I would just go back to the shop as act that nothing has happened. There was an incident. Time has moved on. I suspect the security guard has no authority to ban you as he is probably a contractor and not employed by Wilco. He probably said it in the heat of the moment as he couldn’t think of anything nice to say to you to help the situation.

I would go back and brazen it out. If you are challenged by anyone, ask them to prove they have the authority to ban you.

Good luck.

I have never heard the term 'disabilist' before

for you OP. What a horrible experience for you all.

So glad that there are so many caring people on here to show you support. Shame on the minority one brain cell wind up merchants.

I'd be onto Wilko head office also. The local branch have had their chance. Head Office need to do some staff training there... as well as have the decency to give you an apology.

Those who are having their posts deleted by MNHQ take the hint you judgmental arseholes. It's crystal clear that you don't actually understand the ins and outs of things like ASD... If you did you would know that your opinions are a load of shite.

OP I would tweet. Christ it was some gift cards. You did what you thought was right at the time and tried to diffuse the situation.

Ignore the security man, probably loves the power trip.

I am not very interested in shopping in there again tbh just don't like being banned from a shop when I feel it isn't justified. It also makes me feel sorry for dd and how hard her life is going to be. He just followed me out shopping at me I've asked the store to review the CCTV as it will all be on there. THen she shouted "your banned from this store you watch" I wouldn't want to just go back there as I wouldn't want him starting again tbh I assume he was just throwing his weight around and can't actually ban me but like I said wouldn't want to test him. I called wilkos customer service on the day it happened (30tg oct) who said they would email the store manager and I would be contacted and to give it 2/3 days. When that didn't happen I chased it up and was told they would again email the store and again I will be contacted. A week later nothing so I called again and they put me on hold and told me they would telephone the store personally to ask why they haven't contacted me. They spoke to the manager and said he was new (not sure why that makes a difference?) and that he would contact me. Again nothing so I called again and again they called the store whilst I was on hold but manager was apparently away and it was the assistant manager so I was told they would escalate it to the highest level which is the regional manager and that he would contact me... Again nothing. It's not even about wanting to shop in there again just that fact that my complaint hasn't even been acknowledged

And I'm glad I didn't see the comments before they were deleted as my daughters life is already hard enough without having to read nasty comments about her. Thanks to everyone else that has been supportive.

Do you Tweet? Wilko is on Twitter...

You are right to be annoyed that they haven’t responded and to other PPs saying you should be calm and measured - surely that’s what you’ve done? You’ve asked to discuss it an no-one has responded. So imo escalating this to social media is the next step.

They e been given a chance to discuss the matter calmly. They’ve not done so probably because they are aware it was handled badly!

I would create a Twitter account and/or go on Facebook.

You we're treated terribly by that security guard. They must have been able to see that you were in a really difficult situation and to then speak to you like that is unbelievable.

But now wilko are going one better and completely ignoring you which is appalling, they should be kissing your arse.

You've given them more than one chance to start putting it right. Go after them and good luck.

Mu51cal

Thank you for that description. I don’t have children and have very limited experience of autism so it was interesting to read what it is broken down like that.

OP you did nothing wrong. Tbh I wouldn’t give a shit about the ban becuase I would refuse to shop somewhere that treated me like that anyway. I would also encourage friends and family to do the same.

its disgusting how you have been treated no justification to be banned as someone who has ASD and children with varying levels of Autism (yes i know there are no longer any levels but my higher functioning children are nothing like my DD with low functioning and i don't like how they removed the differential between the spectrum levels).

But on the other hand I have had insurance companies refusing to pay for destroyed stock as apparently Autism related tantrums come under the parents responsibility and insurance companies don't pay out which left the shop in question having to chase the value from the parents of the child and the store was in a lose lose situation lose the £0000s of stock or get massive bad press for suing parents of disabled children simply because, insurances companies don't have to pay out for child related stock damage.

But in your case nothing was damaged / destroyed there is no reason to ban you.

Banning is really extreme, and not very understanding. You might consider contacting via Facebook or better yet, Tweeting. Companies always respond more quickly when approached publicly. Good luck!

Another advocate for calling them out on social media for their lack of integrity. Disablist behaviour and blatant disregard to your repeated complaints over the last 11 days. I did the same worth BA Thursday evening over a matter that I'd been chasing through official channels for the previous six weeks. Lo and behold, the cheque is in the post less than 24 hours later. It's shocking that it takes this washing of your smalls in public approach to get these large companies to sit up and listen.