To have expected a response by now

[Dancingfairy]

I was in a store shopping with my dd who has asd. As we were near the checkouts she had a melt down over something and knocked some gift cards off the shelf displayed by the till. I tried I help encourage her to pick them up but she wouldn't so I asked my son to help. As he was picking them up dd knocked some more onto the floor. At this point I was trying to hold her to stop her knocking any more off and decided it would be best to remove her from the shop before she does anything else. (She did not damage anything or break anything) I fully accept I could have picked them all up but at that moment the best thing seemed to be to remove her from the shop. As I was walking out and got outside I was chased by a security guard who was shouting at us. I was very shocked couldn't actually believe it. I tried to explain to him she has asd but he was having none of it and told me we were banned from the shop! I found this really extreme and it was also distressing for my dd who I removed from the shop to calm down so made her worse. I have since complained to the shop (this happened on the 30th of October) and have not received any response at all. I've chased it up 4 times and always get told the same thing, someone will contact me but it never happens. I feel it's very extreme to be banned from a shop over this and have never been banned from anywhere in my life. What more can I do as they won't respond to my complaint.

I think you need to go down to the store yourself and ask to speak to a manager even if you have to lie to get one to come and see you (make some pleasant reason that you need to speak to a manager, big smile and look happy) when the manager comes out then say the real reason you’re there.
You’ve done nothing wrong, please stop explaining yourself to people on this thread because you don’t need to, if people refuse to understand or have empathy that’s their own ignorance and it’s not for you to educate them or justify yourself.

OP - x

My 12 year old son has ASD and has just had an almighty meltdown in the Tesco's cafe. Everyone else in there either kindly ignored us or was supportive and understanding. I'm just relieved that Mama and others with opinions like hers weren't in there to tell me what a crap parent I am and how badly behaved my son is.

Fuck me mama you’re either ignorant or thick

Should make it clear I mean mamaoftwo or whatever not the other mama

@MamaOfTwos it doesn't work like that.

But what's going to happen in 10-15 years. Are we going to have adults smashing shops up and making life hell for people because they were never taught to manage their conditions?

Well no, because they'll most likely have developed techniques to manage their stresses - usually avoidance sadly - or have carers who help them, which is why you don't see that now. Are you really as offensively clueless as you seem or just trying to be goady?

Mamaoftwo

Excellent advise. ‘The situation should not have happened’. OP you must now never leave the house with your child again. All possible situations must be avoided. The gift cards must not suffer!

And yes mamaoftwo, it WILL happen in 10-15 years. Some people with asd ‘grow’ out of the more extreme behaviour, my cousin has. A lot of people don’t. I used to work with adults with mental and physical disabilities. These were adults that were fully dependent on their parents and caters. We offered respite care. The majority of these adults, were mentally younger than I was.

Sadly, often once people with asd mature and ‘grow’ out of their destructive behaviour to things around them, like knocking things over and hitting people and throwing things, they target their overwhelming feelings on themselves in a physical way. Pinching themselves, scratching themselves, biting themselves, pulling their hair out, punching themselves.

You need to educate yourself before you spout your poison freely. It doesn’t make sense to join in a conversation when one has no clue about the topic.

mama I implore you to educate yourself because you're displaying embarrassingly ignorant views right now. You should actually be mortified.

Deeply ironic that Mama thinks

She's a child who can be taught (sensitively) how to manage herself.

Yet you can’t sensitively manage yourself

Good grief let it go surely you have better things to do?

OP please ignore the totally ignorant and offensive posts from Mamaoftwos.

You did the right thing trying to remove DD from the shop. I hope you get a response from them soon.

My daughter is delighted to see me when I pick her up from school but nine times out of ten the strength of her feelings and stress at the change in environment and situation will overwhelm her within a few minutes and she will become tearful and sometimes violent; last night she kicked, screamed and attacked me all the way home. People like you mama probably see that and think I am a useless parent or my daughter doesn't want to be with me or is scared of me since she cries within a few minutes of seeing me. Worries about that kind of thing and onlookers judging us mean that I can't deal with her as effectively as I need to and am rushing to get her out of public view, which stresses her out even more. You and people like you are a big part of the problem.

Don't listen to mama, can't argue with people like that.

Mamaoftwo we already have adults in institutions smashing things up maybe you should go visit and help teach them how to 'control themselves' since you're such an expert. Autism is a lifelong condition that has been around forever, its not just that we have children with ASD now and then in 10/15 years time we'll have adults. I really hope you're ignorance is just that but I've reported you incase its not ignorance but a deliberate attempt to hurt parents whose lives are already very hard. Heres a couple of websites which might help educate you about Autism

Ambitious about Autism

National Autistic Society

Op you're doing a great job and its great that your little boy tried to help you but what a horrible experience for you all. I don't think that the security guard even has the power to ban you from a shop but you're not unreasonable to expect a response from the company.

Sounds like a horrible event for you, you did the best thing for you daughter in taking her away from the commotion of the shop. I understand it must have been a huge blow to be shouted at and chastised by the security guard but in reality (as is clear by some of the comments you have received) not everyone understands ASD and therefore may respond inappropriately. I’m not sure a complaint would make any difference as the guy probably just thought he was doing his job. I’m guessing as many have pointed out, if your dd had a visible disability she would have been treated differently. I hope you can move on from this. I don’t imagin for one minute you would be stopped from going back into the shop, this would be impossible for any store to manage surely! Please try and move on from this and don’t use up all your energy fighting those who are not willing to try and understand x

The shop were wrong, I wouldn't want to shop there again. Asking a children in the middle of an ASD meltdown to help undo the mess they have made is like trying to reason with a two year old in mid tantrum at the same time as trying to get an octopus in a string bag.

YANBU.

Good grief let it go surely you have better things to do?

Personally I think protesting against being banned from a store that I want to go in and challenging the disablist attitudes that created that situation are actually a pretty valuable things to do.

Disgusted by a certain poster on this thread 😠.

Op, you need to contact someone at higher up. Have you tried social media?
The security guard is an idiot and most likely doesn't even have the authority to ban people from the shop.

Someone higher up* not at higher up.

My children have been asking to go in since it happened and I have to explain to them they can't so to me it's more than just me wanting to shop there. I feel bad having to try to explain to my daughter that we are not allowed in there. Not that she understands.

Facebook or Twitter message them.
Do it publicly so they can't ignore you

I think it’s unfair to call the security guard an idiot. He clearly has no understanding of ASD (along with a large proportion of the general public) the company are not handling the situation well by ignoring the OP. An apology, at least, is certainly in order.

mama sounds like a judgmental cow who has ZERO idea of what it's like for children with autism. If only life were that simple!

Mnhq...hoping mama is now banned???

Op...name and shame and get t hee to Twitter!!

I don't have a twitter account so not sure how it works i will have a look thanks.