To have expected a response by now

[Dancingfairy]

I was in a store shopping with my dd who has asd. As we were near the checkouts she had a melt down over something and knocked some gift cards off the shelf displayed by the till. I tried I help encourage her to pick them up but she wouldn't so I asked my son to help. As he was picking them up dd knocked some more onto the floor. At this point I was trying to hold her to stop her knocking any more off and decided it would be best to remove her from the shop before she does anything else. (She did not damage anything or break anything) I fully accept I could have picked them all up but at that moment the best thing seemed to be to remove her from the shop. As I was walking out and got outside I was chased by a security guard who was shouting at us. I was very shocked couldn't actually believe it. I tried to explain to him she has asd but he was having none of it and told me we were banned from the shop! I found this really extreme and it was also distressing for my dd who I removed from the shop to calm down so made her worse. I have since complained to the shop (this happened on the 30th of October) and have not received any response at all. I've chased it up 4 times and always get told the same thing, someone will contact me but it never happens. I feel it's very extreme to be banned from a shop over this and have never been banned from anywhere in my life. What more can I do as they won't respond to my complaint.

Name and shame, OP!

I'd be plastering them all over social media by now.

FWIW, iif I'd been in the queue behind you, I would have helped regardless of whether your child had ASD or not.
Kids have tantrums and usually the best course of action is to ignore it but, sometimes, it involves physically removing them so as not to impact on others.

I think banning you was extreme and failing to engage with afterwards is not just bad customer service, its just plain rude.

Name and shame, you've given them plenty of opportunity to sort it out.

Your other child is 5? Then no absolutely not being unreasonable and they shouldn’t have banned you either. Name and shame OP and I wouldn’t go back either banned or no banned

The security guard banned you from the shop? I'm very surprised that he has the authority to do that, it's normally done at the manager's discretion. It's possible the manager knows nothing about it, and that could be why you've had no response from official channels.

The 5 year old is who I asked to help with picking up the gift cards.

Twice I've been told they've emailed the store manager. I've even waited on hold to them whilst they telephone the store manager and spoken to them. But yet I still haven't had any kind if response. Gave them both my phone number and email.

FFS, MamaOfTwos, how about educating yourself about autism before posting opinions? This child was not misbehaving, she was acting out of extreme distress. Would you ask the parent of a child who has knocked the cards over in a seizure why she didn't stop her "misbehaviour" and make her pick them up? The situation is no different.

Please don't name and shame on social media, the security guard might not even be employed by the store. I agree with the pp who suggested going in to see the manager, the staff might have no idea that you've been treated badly.

As her mum could you not tell what set her off, did she go 0-100 immediately?

^^ I'm going to ignore you now. Simply tapping my contactless card on the machine the wrong way sets her off, the tannoy, someone walking by her and knocking her. But hey I guess I should just never go out, I'm on eggshells going out as the smallest of things set her off, but Like I said going to ignore you now.

Mama

She's a child who can be taught (sensitively) how to manage herself.

NO she can't.

She has ASD. What part of that don't you understand?

You're sounding disabalist and basically like a tit.

OP...name and shame them!

The manager does know. They have telephoned the store twice whilst I've been on hold to ask why he hasn't responded.

YANBU you did the best you could in a distressing situation and you deserve a response to your complaint

Not everyone knows what ASD is. Maybe he saw a child having a tantrum and you legging it and ignoring the mess. Maybe he saw you leaving the store quickly and was worried you'd grabbed something on your way out? I bet security guards hear a lot of excuses or using mental health conditions as excuses to steal. He maybe didn't understand the situation. She can't have been having a huge meltdown if she stopped to pick them up when you asked at one point so maybe it didn't look like an obvious disability instead of just naughtiness iyswim?

The store is wilkos

I explained when he followed her out that she has autism. He definitely didn't think I had stolen anything otherwise he would have said.

Shame some people have never been taught how to manage their condition of being a complete cow, isn't it?

What do you mean, whats going to happen in 10-15 years?

Do you think autism is a new problem and there aren't currently adults with autism now? Same with ADHD etc? My brother had ADHD as a child, he's now 30, he was able to come off medication in his early 20s and is better placed to deal with difficulties as he's now an adult.

Even NT kids have tantrums sometimes - the world is overwhelming to all kids, but far more so for some. Are you worried about those NT kids lying down in supermarket aisles as grown adults and kicking off?

Many people with ASD learn to adapt as they mature and become more experienced in the way the world works. It won't go away, but it's certainly easier for an adult to manage these issues than it is for a confused child.

Your comments are downright bizarre and show a complete ignorance of the realities of the situation.

OP - once I was in M&S with my twins in a double buggy, one of them reached out and grabbed a display stand and I didn't see it, so of course the whole thing was toppled as I moved away. The staff were incredibly kind, insisting I didn't need to pick it all up and these things happen (I'm disabled myself and taking them out is really difficult for me so this really got to me). If I'd been treated this way I'd be scared to take them anywhere, it's really not on.

I would go straight to head office now - they've had plenty of time to handle your complaint.

She didn't stop to pick them up that was my son who I asked. I tried to ask dd the first time but she wouldnt.

Did he believe you? Was she behaving at this point? He might have just thought it was an excuse- like a shoplifter claiming kleptomania.

You don’t have to justify your actions OP you did the right thing in removing her as she clearly wasn’t in a position to bring herself down at that point. You’ve already explained yourself if people can’t be bothered to rtft then that’s their issue.

As for the poster who thinks kids with asd etc just need to be taught, ffs if it was that simple they wouldn’t have a diagnosis.

I don’t have that much experience which is why in my initial post I was like I’m not too sure if they were unreasonable but the minute it was clear that there was nothing more you could have done without potentially causing either damage to further stock or your child then I totally got you.

Going to message Wilkos to ask what their policy is on supporting children with disabilities.

You did nothing wrong, the store security guard has no appreciation of your difficulties, I do and think Willis should educate him in such matters and apologise to your family.

If you cannot understand ASD is different to other children having meltdowns you are very lucky not to have personal experience and empathy costs nothing.

OP, you are doing an awesome job. Job is the wrong word for a mum, particularly a mum to a child with additional needs. I can remember the sheer terror that needing to go shopping would cause me. My son would have been trying to hit his head off the floor if he was having a meltdown so definitely not in a position to pick up the cards!

I would email head office and list your attempts at contacting the store. I always used the word complaint when having to escalate something like this.

Finally, remember you are brilliant. My son can now deal with shopping quite well (fifteen years later) but I still remember the looks and comments. x

You need to get in touch with head office by phone or email and explain everything and ask them what you were supposed to do in the situation - they shouldn't be discriminating against a child with ASD and could have been more compassionate and helpful towards you at the time. I expect this makes you uncomfortable in similar situations now and makes it harder for you to feel you can go shopping without being constantly aware this could happen again - you need to explain that too. You shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable and they should have helped and not upset you in my opinion

The problem is a bit that there is a group of people claiming that difficult children have ASD without a diagnosis and some (not all) just need a different method of parenting.

When a kid with ASD gets a meltdown like this there truly is no point in talking to them till they calm down. Their brain just will not process anything else till they're ready for it, no matter the consequences. You could drop them in a hungry lions cage and they wouldn't listen to save their own life. I have physically restrained my nephew once with a lot of force (big strong 10 yo kid) to stop him from running onto the motorway. He is still angry about it and doesn't understand that he could have died.

Removing them from the situation is the best way in this situation. Away from the situation they can calm down. And you can't be in two places at once so that means no picking up the cards.

If the security guard hadn't been so shouty it might have been a possibility to come in later to say sorry. But since he behaved like that things escalated. It's a pity.

I'm sorry OP. Its hard sometimes.

Going shopping is really very difficult. I now worry I'm going to be banned from other places. She pushed her brother into a display unit in the coop because he was pressing buttons at the self check out (it can be something as small as and yes she does just turn without warning, luckily the local coop next to me are very understanding but it has made me very nervous when I go shopping.