MIL and personalised registration gift

[UserShmuser]

So DH and I have one car between us. We had two but then we sold my old one and kept the one that we bought in his name but still together. He mostly works from home but we live near a train station so if he has to go in to the office can just get the train there. I am the main driver and use the car for work, taking DS to nursery, trips out with DS on my days off etc.

MIL told me last night that for Christmas she has got DH a personalised registration plate. He has recently bought a bike and I thought she meant for that as a jokey gift but she said it was for the car.

I'm not the biggest fan of personalised registrations anyway and would never get one. I know they can be really expensive too and I can imagine this one was. She has got his first name spelt out in letters and when I remarked that people might think that was my name as I drive it more she said "Yes, but he does own and pay for the upkeep of car so it should really show don't you think?" I was a bit at her comment and said that actually DH used our money to buy the car and we use our money to pay for the upkeep. At that point DH walked back in to the room and we stopped talking about it.

Then after we got home I got a message off her saying she was upset by my reaction and is considering taking the plate back. I doubt she can do that but whatever. She said she thought DH would love it and that it would be unfair of me to not give him the decision of whether or not it goes on the car. Also she said that men in white vans would be less likely to cut me off when driving if they think it's a man driving  I happen to know that DH doesn't like personalised registrations either so I doubt he'd want to put it on our car. It was late so I didn't reply.

Can anyone help me think of something to say to her about it. Or should I just tell DH and let him deal with it? AIbu to be annoyed that she knows i drive it the most but thinks it should be labelled as belonging to DH just because his name is on it?

Just because it has your husbands personalised plates on, doesn’t mean he owns it. I think that is what you are focusing in more than anything tbh. In the grand scheme of things, does it actually matter?
I doubt people seeing you driving and your husbands plate would think, look st her driving her husbands car!

She said it should show that your husband paid for the car and it’s upkeep!!!

I’d have laughed at her I think. Even if you didn’t work in a paying job but you do!

And I wouldn’t want to drive around in a car with ‘steve 276’ on it either but I can’t get over the fact she said it should show that her son paid for the car!😂

Your mil sounds very controlling. Tell your dh and let him deal with it.

Is there an annual fee for the personalised plates (there are here) - if so, you could always say to the MIL that you’ve looked it up and can’t afford the upkeep.

Personally I think they’re naff on private vehicles and wouldn’t want one at all, let alone as a gift and it seems like a very (not so) passive aggressive gift from your MIL.

Let dh deal with the immediate issue, you have a far bigger long term task fixing her casual sexism.

I'd be very pissed off if my MIL did this, personalised number plates are massively naff, total waste of money and the comment about your DH paying for the car would've tipped me over the edge!

Has she definitely bought it or just looking at it? What are your DHs thoughts on personalised number plates?

Sorry you clearly said she's bought it, ffs I'd tell your DH and let him deal with it

She can be quite sexist at times. Very old fashioned. DH and his friend broke down in a work car last week and he called me to come and help. My dad was a mechanic and I know my way around a car so I said I could look at it but if not I'd tow them to a garage. MIL had had DS that day and I got the phone call as I was picking him up. She overheard and told me it would be too hard for me to tow a car and I would need a man to help I did just laugh and say the two men there couldn't do much.

I think this recent thing with the sexism over the past few years has been the final straw.

I could see my MIL doing this. She is super lovely the overwhelming majority of the time but she has moments of daft behaviour like this. I think you need to tell DH about the present and let him deal with it. Sounds like there might be an undercurrent of MIL devaluing your position in the family and that needs nipping in the bud.

I would not reply.
Let her stew

There's also the issue of having to pay to retain the plate, although I've just discovered this had gone to a ten year fee now (it used to be annual). dvladigital.blog.gov.uk/2015/03/09/it-now-costs-less-to-retain-your-personalised-registration/

Tell her thanks but no thanks.

Hmm. She's bought him a xmas present which you know he won't like and has pissed you off as well.

Honestly i think i'd tell him. Say look i know it's spoiling a 'surprise' but i think you should be warned y'mums bought you a bloomin personalised plate for OUR car for xmas. He can spend the next month thinking up a way to politely tell her neither of you want it.

If my mum had bought a twee personalised plate for me for xmas to put on a car which both DH and i drive and she'd told him it was to show who pays for the car i'd want to know! I'd tell her it was an awful idea, and thanks but no thanks, better to let you know now so you can sell it on before xmas.

Oh dear, personalised number plates really are so naff, I agree, I would be so embarrassed driving it around, especially on the school run! My DH would hate it, too.

I would tell your DH about it and let him handle it. This is not just about personalised number plates, it’s about her undermining you, especially her wanting to demonstrate that it’s your DH’s car not yours. She sounds very controlling IMO.

I would ask her to show you the plate if it "spells " his name. Often these plates are illegal , the spacing of the letters and numbers has been jiggled about and they don't conform to standard. Wouldn't she hate her boy to be pulled over for illegal plates?

If you are in the UK, and she's managed to change your car's registration number - as registered with the DVLA - then you need to put the new plates on now, AND tell your insurance company. But she probably hasn't, in which case, stop worrying.

Anybody can buy a number from the DVLA or a dealer, then it has to be allocated to a specific vehicle. Then you get the number plates made up.
I think she's paid £££ for the right to a combination of letters and numbers. I doubt she's gone to the DVLA site and allocated the number to your car, and I doubt she's had number plates made.

So, come Christmas, your DH can just have a giggle and say thanks mum .... and do nothing further.

Personalised plates are for wankers.

Retention fees only apply if you have a registration which isn't actually on a car so there is no annual cost to you if you do transfer it on to your car.

I'd be telling her that she can return it! ( she won't get her money back but she may be able to find someone to buy it from her!)

Firstly it's a naff idea. But I imagine she is one of those people who gets an 'idea' and is so excited about it she will not see the wood for the trees.

Her comments about DH's money and the car were out of order and she needs to be put right on that score. On a personal security level why would someone want their name visible like that. She needs to be nudged in the 'rethink' direction.

Can you not suggest something for the bike instead. Firefox last year had glow in the dark bike balls.

Don’t you have to pay the DVLA a fee to register your new plate? I’m sure it’s £80 as DP has to do this with his private plate (pil bought ) for each car he buys.

So when you get the private plate as a PP has said you will have to pay an annual fee to retain that plate if you haven’t put it on a car however if you do put it on a car you will also have to pay the dvla a fee to change your plates.. is mil expecting you to pay for this?

I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who doesn't like personalised plates!

I do feel like she does try to undermine me at times and definitely thinks I should do wifey things like have dinner ready every night. DH normally puts a wash on and uses the dryer during the day and since buying new ones she constantly asks me how the washing machine is and if I like my dryer. I just smile and ask the same question to DH. DH is good at standing up against nonsense like this and will always call her out on her sexist remarks.

I'll mention it to DH and see if he wants to bring it up now or wait until Christmas. His name isn't unusual so I'm sure he could sell it on if needed. She bought it privately I think. It hasn't arrived yet as I'm sure she would have shown me yesterday.

I think I’d stay out of it. Her sexist and patronising attitude and the gift are separate issues
You say your DH doesn’t like personalised reg plates but he might actually change his mind if his DM has gone to the trouble of getting one for him.

I’d tell DH about the plate and make sure he’s going to back you up. I’d be telling him there’s no way it’s going on the family car!

Let him open the plates on Xmas day, then promptly hang them in the bathroom above the toilet!

I have a personalised plate on my car but you’d only know if I told you or you knew my name.....it’s a ‘normal’ plate with my initials. Prices start from around £250 so if she’s got one with his name spelt, she’s spent a fair whack!

Goose I have a personalised plate. Am I a wanker?
I’d more likely say you are the wanker for making such horrible generalised comments.

PS and my personalised plate is the one my mother had on her car, but died earlier this year. Was she a wanker?