MIL and personalised registration gift

[UserShmuser]

So DH and I have one car between us. We had two but then we sold my old one and kept the one that we bought in his name but still together. He mostly works from home but we live near a train station so if he has to go in to the office can just get the train there. I am the main driver and use the car for work, taking DS to nursery, trips out with DS on my days off etc.

MIL told me last night that for Christmas she has got DH a personalised registration plate. He has recently bought a bike and I thought she meant for that as a jokey gift but she said it was for the car.

I'm not the biggest fan of personalised registrations anyway and would never get one. I know they can be really expensive too and I can imagine this one was. She has got his first name spelt out in letters and when I remarked that people might think that was my name as I drive it more she said "Yes, but he does own and pay for the upkeep of car so it should really show don't you think?" I was a bit at her comment and said that actually DH used our money to buy the car and we use our money to pay for the upkeep. At that point DH walked back in to the room and we stopped talking about it.

Then after we got home I got a message off her saying she was upset by my reaction and is considering taking the plate back. I doubt she can do that but whatever. She said she thought DH would love it and that it would be unfair of me to not give him the decision of whether or not it goes on the car. Also she said that men in white vans would be less likely to cut me off when driving if they think it's a man driving  I happen to know that DH doesn't like personalised registrations either so I doubt he'd want to put it on our car. It was late so I didn't reply.

Can anyone help me think of something to say to her about it. Or should I just tell DH and let him deal with it? AIbu to be annoyed that she knows i drive it the most but thinks it should be labelled as belonging to DH just because his name is on it?

Personalised plates are ridiculous and I always think the person driving is probably a twat.

Only one thing more twattish than a personalised number plaste, and that's a personalised number plate that's not even for your own initials, as it was on the car when you bought it and you couldn't be arsed to change it.

My DDs DP has just sold his personalised plate as it lowered his insurance. Could that be a consideration?

Why would he sell it, if it lowered his insurance?

Mil sounds a piece of work... id tell your dh what was happening and let him deal with it, surprise or not.

I think private numberplates are a bit daft, but like others on the thread my car has private plates as it was a gift from my fil when he lost his sight a year before he died . When I buy a new car I won't bother to retain them, but mil would be upset if i took them off the car. Judge away.

I think I'd just reply 'yes it's probably best for you to take it back'.

I have a personalised number plate! Really offensive to call somebody a twat!

My OH has one too! So what? Our money to choose what we do with!!

Sorry didn't mean to offend anyone! Everyone has different tastes and I certainly don't consider personalised plate owners to be wankers or twats at all! It's just not something I would like for our car.

I think the issue here is just MIL's attitude. I'll speak to DH later when he gets home and let him deal with it! Thanks for the advice

Sexism should always be challenged. Regardless of the persons age, religion or nationality.

Your MIL has given you an out.

I'd reply.

'I think returning it would be the best option as both DH and I do not like personalised number plates and would not fit one to our car'

She's telling you something , she thinks he is the head of the household and pays for everything and you should just be a good wife and do the washing like she did . If it were me I'd mention it to my husband. My own mother is like this with my sister in law and it really drives a wedge in the mil dil relationship and not the marriage .

Me too. But then I drive a BMW, so I get double wankeridge status (and it’s a 4 x 4)

But can I get wankertwatage points deducted as it doesn’t spell anything but marks an important date? Or is that even worse?

So you’re going to give away her surprise because you don’t approve of it? That’s not nice.

Surprise Christmas presents 101.

If you want a present kept a surprise never tell anyone.

FitBitFanClub I'm not sure of the ins and outs. I just had a brief in passing conversation and DD said he was selling it as his insurance would be cheaper. HTH

Interested to hear what the DH says. Hope OP updates.

Brie, it's not nice to tell the OP that it's the husbands car, he pays for it and that OP should suck it up like a good little housewife.

I didn’t say that was nice! That’s a stupid thing to say, I just wouldn’t personally respond to that by breaking a confidence reposed in me, they are different issues. He can tell his DM when he’s given the gift just as well as now. Easy to say, oh thanks mum, and then either have a word afterwards or just stick it up on the bathroom wall etc and when she says why’s it not on the car ‘oh well actually (op) and I pay equally for the car so it didn’t seem fair’

Let her waste her money but make it clear to dh that due to what it signifies it will not be put on your joint car!

I have personalised plates that were bought for me when I was born by a dearly loved relative who is now dead. So I'll keep them in memory of her thanks. Pretty sure there'd be lots about the judgey pants cars that I could laugh at, if I were inclined to be a judgeypants who judges people on the basis of what they drive.

If it is a rare plate you could always sell it on.

Some don’t cost much at all. I have one which I chose because I like it. What an idiot I must be. It’s the equivalent of my birthday plus initials, like F14 MTC ( February 14th Matilda The Cat). I’m planning to keep my car quite a while and makes it more ageless without a standard plate.

DH has something similar which he kindly did because his original plate contained the initials of someone I absolutely loathe. So it’s not always about being a wanker (not aimed at you, OP).

Mind you, when I informed the insurers the woman kept referring to it as a ‘cherished ‘ plate which I felt was overstating the case!

Mrsschadenfreude - I live near the 2B and NOT2B couple. It really bugs me when they park them the wrong way round

Spoke to DH last night about it. He was surprised that she thought he would like it as apparently she suggested he should get one a few years ago and he laughed saying that it would be ridiculous to get his name on our car. Apparently she said the same thing about how he paid for the car and he again laughed and told her that wasn't true and it's paid for with our money. Also that if he dared to suggest that to me it would probably be the last thing he did.

So he thinks it's definitely her way of making sure I understand that I am the woman and I should be grateful for my man who provides for me. He wasn't too happy but said the best thing to do it let her give it to him and then he will sell it on. In the meantime he isn't sure what else we can do about the sexism as we do try to challenge it every time. He thinks we just need to be firmer and let her know that we don't want DS to be influenced by this.
Thanks again for the advice.

I have a personalised 'name' plate, it is just something that my family have always done, my DH doesn't particularly like them, however for many years I have bought the family 'big' car and he was happy to drive it. His cars don't have personalised plates on, his choice.

In fact I am probably hated by fellow MNetters as I actually own 3 plates, 1 just waiting for DC to get her own car.