To tell my friend sorry I'm too busy

[Pinkpowerofthought]

My friend is an hour's plane journey from me or eight hours by car. I usually see her once a year. We keep in touch via Facebook.
She doesn't have any children and regularly travels to places at the spur of the moment. She has just told me she is visiting and asked my plans this weekend.

I'm having a really busy time of it just now. Just moved house and in the middle of renovating and decorating before new boiler and central heating getting fitted on Monday. I have hardly saw dp because of work or rushing around doing jobs in the house. I work full time and i have a dd. I am off on Sunday but I need to sort the house at any spare moment and was looking forward to a lie in.
I get really pissed off because every time she visits this way it's always last minute and she expects me to just not have anything on and be care free and live life as it comes.
I don't think she understands how busy it is having a family and a house to run. She's a bit of a traveller, works cash in hand and has as much time off as she wants and she's single and lives alone so she just fends for herself.
I feel bad cause she's came all this way but it's a really bad time just now and i always think if you are visiting you should arrange a convienent time so you can both make the most of it.
I should add she's staying in a hotel near by.

I think if you only see her once a year then yes YABU. Even busy I don’t would prioritise a cup of tea with a friend i rarely got to see

I think YABU

Invite her over for the day - she can help and then you can all have a take away.

I find painting a wall with a friend a really nice way to catch up. I've helped lots of friends paint their new flats and had some nice times with helpers doing mine in return!

I can't really invite her over. There is no heating or hot water and the kitchen is in the middle of being decorated as is the living rooms and bedrooms. I have an army of people coming round to complete the decorating over the weekend in time for the heating.
Plus I'm just tired. Really tired. My job is really physical and I'm not getting any down time.
I'm not jealous of her but I do feel the way she lives her life is very different and yes actually she is some what of a hippy/traveller.

I would have liked a bit notice so I can make plans properly and enjoy her company but if I see her this weekend it's going to be half hearted and rushed with me feeling stressed and like I have to be several places at once.

Imo yanbu. I hate this stuff. I need stuff in advance so I can plan time for it, my brain works funny though- I can't do random drop-ins to others or have them done to me, it'd send me over the edge

Lostfornow having a house to run and a full time job plus dd is actually very hard when your in full swing of renovating a property.

You sound jealous of her lifestyle

I've more or less concluded that some people just think everyone is jealous of everything on MN. Don't like it? Jealous. Slight issue with it? Jealous. Fine with it? Jealous.

Anyway OP. Either say' Ah, shit. I can't make it this weekend, if only I'd known you were coming before' or arrange a quick coffee for an hour. I don't actually think YABU, but if you're genuinely friends, then make the effort I guess. I"d probably feel the same as you tbh.

YANBU, BUT... you still have to eat and sounds like it's be easier to feed yourself and DD out of the house anyway, so could you meet for a quick lunch?

However, if you have people helping you out with the house it'd be rude to then swan off out yourself...

Baffling comments, How is it that OP is the unorganised one when the friend cant give any notice of a journey that has to be planned in advance?
Yanbu, She's being completely inconsiderate.

She’s unfortunately chosen absolutely the wrong weekend to come. But she could still come and help with the decorating and then maybe you could all go out and eat somewhere. You have to eat sometime after all. She’s probably dead keen to see your new place.

I should really make time shouldn't I? I think I will arrange dinner later Sunday evening although I know when it comes to it I will be drained.
A lot of frustration is coming from exhaustion. I don't get any time to myself and when I do I just want to sleep plus I'm a massive introvert so without time to myself I become stressed.
My friend is very different to me and has a very different lifestyle. I used to be like her but my life has changed so much so I think she expects me to still be the same person.

All that coupled with all the crap I need to do this weekend plus work on the Saturday, I could have done with notice, infact I would have told her it's not a good time until this house is finished. She's literally on her way to this part of the country so.effectivly didn't give me any notice at all.

Is she travelling eight hours solely to see you or has she got other friends or interests in the area that maybe she is thinking of visiting and just wants to see you in your new home for a short period?it's nice that she cares enough to want to see your new home ed but equally,it's such a turmoil she will hopefully understand that you have domestic commitments and are pushed for time.
Hopefully you can work something out that suits you both.
Good luck

If she’s a good friend I’m sure you can free up an hour of your time?
Sounds like she’s making the effort to keep in contact and just wants to spend time with you, not deliberately put you out and take over your whole weekend.
If you heard she was in town and didn’t try meet up how would you feel?!

I'd be annoyed at the short notice but would probably try and find time to meet up for a couple of hours for lunch. You could mention though that next time a bit more notice would be appreciated.

YANBU. I have a similar friend who used to live near me but who went home to France and visits frequently. She's learnt to give me a lot more notice in recent years and to realise that I just might not be available. Sometimes, she's had to just accompany me to the yard and fit round what I need to do. I was mid-renovating a house a couple of weeks back when she was here, it limited what I could do on the day.

Make time for her. She is your friend, spending a couple of hours with her instead of the boiler man will not ruin your life forever. Don't be mean.

'Literally just time for a half hour cuppa at mine (if you bring the coffees) because I need to do so much this weekend - shame I didn't know or I would have planned it better - but I would hate to not see you, so if that works for you, I would love to see you'.

I think you'll feel worse if you don't meet up.

I'm with OP, this would drive me nuts. It seems really disrespectful to not even give notice and just assume she is free or can change plans.
If she's that good a friend, surely she'd check? I'm a bit bemused everyone expects OP to change her plans and fit in the friend who didn't even bother to see if she was ok to meet up

not everyone cardigans.

you know what - don't see her. she didn't give you any notice. if you have any spare time, take it for yourself. we're always putting other's needs first and we don't look after ourselves enough. next time, she'll make more effort to meet up and you'll have more time to prepare. it's ok to say no.

Having a family and kid is a total cop out. I have three kids and I'd still make tine for a friend I rarely see. Even if I hadn't seen my husband much that week. Christ I live with him and see him regularly I'm sure I'd cope with not seeing him a few hours more.

I'd invite her for a takeaway Saturday night then you can still have a lie in and Sunday to do what you want.

I have three kids and I'd still make tine for a friend I rarely see

Bully for you. OP is in the middle of a renovation with no facilities. Friend doesnt get to snap her fingers and expect OP to come running.

I don't get any time to myself

You're going to lie late in bed Sunday morning