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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that bar soap is perfectly acceptable?

104 replies

HannahHut · 10/11/2017 09:31

I only use Dove bar soap. Shower gels tend to bring me out in a rash (sensitive skin) and this is the only thing I've managed to find that does. Also the Dove shower gel is expensive.

I had a friend stay over last night and when she went to get a shower I gave her a new bar in a box and she asked if I had any shower gel. When I told her no she said I was rude for not picking some up because I knew she was coming and not everyone likes to use bar soap.

AIBU to think it was perfectly fine or should I have got shower gel in? I'm panicking a little now as I have another friend coming to stay in a few weeks.

OP posts:
HeteronormativeHaybales · 10/11/2017 09:53

I'd have told her she was rude for not beinging her own shower gel and assuming I would buy some in for her specially. Shock

I would prefer to use shower gel given the choice, but I would never assume I could just help myself to my host's toiletries. Do people actually do this? I always take my own.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 10/11/2017 09:53

bringing. gah.

stormnigel · 10/11/2017 09:53

The irony of a guest complaining that their host has provided them with something to ease their stay and calling them rude for doing so is lost on her then?

I always bring my toiletries with me when visiting someone. And I go hadn’t I’d go to a shop and get whatever I needed. Or else I’d accept graciously and with gratitude what the host had provided.

I hope this will be the last time she stays with you op.

Also bar soap is better for stopping you sweating. I read it on here, tried it and it’s true, so she can stick that up her jumper.

Smeaton · 10/11/2017 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sandsunsea · 10/11/2017 09:55

I have recently switched to bar soap. Shower gel comes with too much plastic packaging. I buy soap from local makers so supporting local business whilst cutting down on plastic consumption. Plus the soap is lovely and I find it lasts longer than a bottle of shower gel. Your friend is a CF for calling you rude.

user1495832265 · 10/11/2017 09:56

I don't like to use bar soap in the shower but that's why I would take my own shower gel. If I had forgotten to take it I'd use the bar soap without complaint.

Tinty · 10/11/2017 09:56

OP Just tell her that you had read online that bar soap helps keep you fresher, smell less stinky, than shower gel, and you thought she might like that, then just say, you like to tell it like it is. Grin.

HollyandBrambles · 10/11/2017 09:56

Of course you bring your own toiletries!! I would have seen it as a little treat as I almost never use soap only shower gel but of course soap is absolutely fine too!

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 10/11/2017 09:58

Just tell her how it is in return... that’s she’s a CF who won’t stay over again.

Itsanicehotel · 10/11/2017 10:00

This is what those travel sized toiletries in Boots and Superdrug are for. If she wants to make sure she has stuff she likes then bring it with. I’m also allergic to Dove products.

TonTonMacoute · 10/11/2017 10:00

Two points here:

You friend was just rude! She should have brought her own stuff.

Bar soap is acceptable, personally I much prefer it to shower gel. It is also much more environmentally friendly, look at all the plastic that is used packaging shower gel!

CrabappleCake · 10/11/2017 10:02

Some places I take shower gel - if I don't know someone very well.

But most mates places I'd turf up and use whatever they had in the bathroom and vice versa.

Bar soap must be better for the environment - surely? It's one of the reasons I use it.

FlowerPot1234 · 10/11/2017 10:02

When I told her no she said I was rude for not picking some up because I knew she was coming and not everyone likes to use bar soap.

She actually said that, in those words? Shock

sleepyowleyes · 10/11/2017 10:04

You're very thoughtful to give her a new bar, it wouldn't have crossed my mind!

Have you ever stayed at hers? Did she buy bar soap for you?

It was a very rude thing for her to say!

WizardOfToss · 10/11/2017 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dentydown · 10/11/2017 10:05

I use bar soap now because shower gel used to make me smelly in 4hours! Bar soap tends to keep me unsmelly longer. Probably tmi!
Normally if you are at a friends house you use their stuff or bring your own. I’m sure if she’d Of asked you’d of got it but it just seems a bit weird!

scortja · 10/11/2017 10:05

Soap is soooooo much better than shower gel..

Original poster
HannahHut · 10/11/2017 10:07

Yeah, she said it those words. I don't see her often because we're both students. I moved away while she stayed home so I hadn't seen her in a while, she seems to have changed a bit.

I've never stayed at hers because when I go home I stay with my parents. I thought I was doing a good thing giving her a new bar!

OP posts:
PurpleCrowbar · 10/11/2017 10:07

I just do a clean sweep of shower gels etc in hotels.

Basket of them in guest bathroom so people can help themselves & there's a choice. If I'm staying with a friend or anywhere else I am not sure what toiletries will be provided, I grab a couple I know I like. Problem solved.

Having said that, your rude, arsey friend could just have said 'ah I really don't get on with bar soap, where's the nearest corner shop, I'll pop out & get myself some shower gel. Do we need milk or wine or anything?'

Jolly rude of her & I'd have fallen about laughing & offered to run her a bath of mare's milk or virgin's blood, & would she like the butler to iron her a newspaper for after her ablutions?

TheNoodlesIncident · 10/11/2017 10:08

She actually criticised you for only having what you are comfortable using?! My word.

Well, I could tell it like it is too, and I would be telling her her behaviour is shocking and rude, and I wouldn't be having her to stay again.

(And yes, concur with those saying soap is better detergent than shower gel anyway - I'm much less sweaty now, thanks to MN posters)

I hope your other friend has better manners than this one!

SlothMama · 10/11/2017 10:08

She was being rude OP, why should you buy a product for someone else to use when after they leave you can't use it yourself? Personally I hate soap, and whenever I stay with someone I bring my own toiletries because it's rude to expect to use theirs!

Shiftymake · 10/11/2017 10:10

Hate bar soap, the though of sharing bar soap makes me cringe so dh is happy in his solitude soap bar heaven. He also likes Dove so I have brought loads in. I use the liquid soap as I feel cleaner with it.

MrsEricBana · 10/11/2017 10:12
  1. She was v rude
  2. Bar soap is fine
  3. 1 and 2 are academic as she should have brought her own anyway.
LTB
Ceto · 10/11/2017 10:14

You should have told her that she was being rude in expecting you to buy in something that she wouldn't have used anyway if she'd remembered to bring her own gel.

confused123456 · 10/11/2017 10:15

I'm allergic to dove, so I couldn't use it. But why didn't she bring her own anyway?
If I knew I was staying somewhere id take my own.