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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend less than £50 per child at Christmas?

372 replies

hibbledobble · 08/11/2017 20:19

I read the thread where people were talking about spending as much as £1000 per child, and the average was in the 100s.

I can afford to spend a lot, but I don't see the need or the benefit in buying a lot. I plan on getting one large and one small present per child and maybe some chocolate. Things they will play with and cherish.

I don't buy into the consumerist culture surrounding Christmas, and I don't want to raise spoilt children.

Aibu?

OP posts:
VileyRose · 09/11/2017 09:15

YANBU. I despise the commercialisation of Christmas. I have the same reservations as you. Last year we decided to follow the 'Read, Wear, play and surprise' which worked well. We also done a family secret Santa so we didn't buy for everyone. We set a theme and it becomes a fun challenge. Isn't that what Christmas is about? Family time. Your time is priceless. Money can not buy that.

Roomster101 · 09/11/2017 09:20

YANBU to spend £50 if that is what you want to spend. However, if you think unnecessary to spend more, my guess is that you only have young children and/or you are buying them things throughout the year rather than birthday/christmas as many people do. In either case, I think you are a bit smug and deluded to think that you are doing your children some kind of favour for not spending much at Christmas.

my2bundles · 09/11/2017 09:22

Depends on the age of the child. A bike for a toddler for example can cost £30. A decent on for a 12 year old can cost £200. A toy for a 5 year old can cost £20 a laptop a much older child needs for homework can cost £200.

juddyrockingcloggs · 09/11/2017 09:25

*VileyRose
*
Yes, but that’s insinuating that children who receive more do not spend quality time with their families at Christmas which is simply not true.

Myheartbelongsto · 09/11/2017 09:27

What could you buy for 50 quid!!

I think that's mean to be honest.

my2bundles · 09/11/2017 09:27

Also this year my 10 year old is getting a bass guitar. He is serious about his music and wants to take it in his GCSE s . You cannot get a decent one for under £50 which will last. Its great to be smug when they are little, gone are the days mine was happy with a toy truck, it doesn't last.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/11/2017 09:34

Poor kids and poor parents bombarded with the myth that all will be well if you have the latest XYZ. It takes conviction and a massive amount of effort to say no.

It mut be great to be so smug that you are the only person that can see through commercialisation...

Why make all the massive effort and conviction to say No? It's not wrong to buy things that you or your DC will enjoy, spark their imagination, help with their development, help them gain knowledge that will enable them to support themselves in adulthood. I think it's important to do all those things and you also only have one life. I'd rather not spend that sitting upright on a wooden chair while my chldren gnaw on raw turnips on the bare floor.

And yes, the assumption that people who spend money on their DC at christmas just chuck ipads at them and then ignore them for the rest of christmas is horribel and wrong. People who spend a lot tend to embrace the whole event and do fimily trips, movie nights, etc too.

quarterpast · 09/11/2017 09:35

I grew up poor, had frugal Christmases etc and it was crap. I was always aware that it could have been so much better and more exciting but it was always a bit of a half hearted effort from my mum.

As a parent now, it fills me with a deep joy to spoil my children to pieces in every way I can. My kids are the least bratty grabby kids, precisely because they don’t have that nagging feeling that they can never quite have what they would love, or that neither of their parents have gone that extra mile for them.

There is a balance between drowning in tat and creating joy through giving that which is most wished for. The idea that spoilt children are created by overindulgent present giving is completely daft.

MadMags · 09/11/2017 09:42

Well, I spend loads on activities and Christmas presents, so I'm afraid I win at parenting, OP.

MuddlingThroughLife · 09/11/2017 09:45

YANBU to spend £50 on your children. Neither am I BU spending hundreds on each of mine. Each to their own.

My kids will love everything I get them. They will also have festive days and nights out. They will also do some festive baking, have festive movie nights with munchies, we will have christmas parties and games with friends.

I hate these threads that insinuate that kids are spoiled, grabby and ungrateful for having money spent on them and the assumption that if you're spending more, that they don't get to spend time with parents/family enjoying the festive season.

This year I'm going all out after the shit year we've had. Ds (10) is finally in remission and I'm going to spoil the shit out of all three kids. Our December calendar is already full to bursting with activities including an end of treatment party for ds and yes, I will be spending a lot!

46 sleeps to 🎅

juddyrockingcloggs · 09/11/2017 09:47

*MuddingThroughLife
*
I hope you have the very best Christmas!

LagunaBubbles · 09/11/2017 09:48

laguna spending 100s per child is also obscene to me, and that was the norm on that thread. It does come across as boasting, as it would seem only a subset (high spenders) answered the thread. Unless spending 100s is the norm now

Why would anyone feel the need to boast about spending £100s on their children at Christmas though? People were just answering the question! If you can afford it spending this is the norm amongst people I know anyway.

PandorasXbox · 09/11/2017 09:48

£50 at Christmas? It’s like a competition who can spend the least on here.

It’s Christmas, a time when you can spoil ( for want of a better word ) your dc.

LagunaBubbles · 09/11/2017 09:50

Isn't that what Christmas is about? Family time. Your time is priceless. Money can not buy that

Is it really incomprehensible for some people to understand that you can spend what you like on your own child, buy them lots of presents etc....and have family time to? Hmm

Roomster101 · 09/11/2017 09:52

OP- what age are your children? If you think that spending more than £50 is unnecessary and will lead to spoiled children, I'm curious to know where you can or will be buying good quality computers (that they will need for homework), phone, musical instruments etc for £50.

LagunaBubbles · 09/11/2017 09:52

£50 at Christmas? It’s like a competition who can spend the least on here

Thats exactly what its like at times on these threads, anyone spending more than the bare minimum is accused of being suckered by commercialism, spoiling their children, no need etc etc. Its boring. I dont care what anyone else does or doesnt spend.

halcyondays · 09/11/2017 09:55

Presumably the bike OP bought for £10 was originally bought by someone else who spent more than £50.

LagunaBubbles · 09/11/2017 09:56

Poor kids and poor parents bombarded with the myth that all will be well if you have the latest XYZ

Well funnily enough Im intelligent enough to understand spending about £400 on each of my kids just means that - spending £400. If I can afford it I will spend it, my boys understand that to and understand they dont get everything they want. And we are all intelligent enough to understand this doesnt mean "all will be well." It just means they will have presents. It doesnt mean for example they didnt feel the loss of their Gran one year. Real life goes on Hmm

quarterpast · 09/11/2017 09:56

The MN competitive meanness does get tiresome after a while I agree. I told my children about a thread I read on here once about somebody who wrapped up school uniform and gave it to their children for Xmas (they weren’t poor either). My children were horrified and felt so sorry for those kids.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 09/11/2017 09:56

Incredibly unfair comment

It does come across as boasting, as it would seem only a subset (high spenders) answered the thread.

noeffingidea · 09/11/2017 09:56

I used to be the kid who hardly got any christmas presents while all the other kids at school used to get a nice big pile and have the latest popular toys. I fucking hated it and swore I would never do that to my children.
I've always done my best to get them a decent amount of presents, most importantly to get them the things they really wanted, so I don't really understand the mentality of giving them hardly anything on purpose.
Though I supose if they get a lot from other relatives it won't be as bad.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/11/2017 09:59

I also don't know anyone that spends so little. I wouldn't want people to get into debt though.

I've always spent £100s, even when DC were small and it probably was too much then. However, everything was played with and enjoyed and got passed on to charity or nursery etc. I think that unless DC are very young, they get bought things throughout the year and/or they have generous relatives who top up, then £50 when you can afford more is mean and parsimonious. I think being generous occasionally is a nice life lesson for DC. Generosity is all relative and includes spending time. I think spending £50 on a teenager who knows you can afford more is a recipe for breeding resentment. My DC are now 16 and 17 and don't really need or want anything. I've pushed them and they've both said they'd like a few surprises as they still like to see a pile but will be happy for that to be aminly made up tins of sweets, bags of crisps, pyjamas etc. If I can't think of anything more then I'll put money in their account for Uni/bigger purchases. I usually spend around £400 each on a main present and then about £200 or so on other stuff. This year they may get the £200-£250 on other stuff (headphones, an echo etc) but might not spend on the main gift and get cash instead.

PandorasXbox · 09/11/2017 09:59

It just smacks of being mean dressed up as not buying into the whole consumerism crap.

Enko · 09/11/2017 10:00

Well i will be spending more than that on each child. However we dont do panto tickets and ice skating as not part of our traditions to do.
We will be baking cookies and we will be singing carols and we will attend church services.

Dd3 wishes a nintendo switch and she will get it with a couple of games. It is rare she asks for anything so when she does i do try to give it to her. Last time she asked for anything was 2 years ago.. she is also very good at regulating her needs. So I asked her a few months ago is there anything you would like as i have bought something for each of your siblings this month. She reploed. No thank you I dont need anything right now.

So yes i will be spending about £300 on her Christmas gift. I know she isnt spoilt through. Dd1 is at uni and needs a few hefty costing books. She will get those. Ds wants branded coat branded trousers branded x y z. He will get 1 item as a want the rest he will work towards getting himself. Dd2 I have no idea what to get ao yes this year shr might get a small present. I feel ok about that she got a laptop last year...

They will each have a stocking too and each get an advent calender.

None of those things make them spoilt they understand the value of each item and know things are different for each families. They all have friends who will get masses for Christmas they are good with knowing we do christmas our way

LagunaBubbles · 09/11/2017 10:01

MuddlingThroughLife have a wonderful Christmas, you must be so relieved!

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