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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend less than £50 per child at Christmas?

372 replies

hibbledobble · 08/11/2017 20:19

I read the thread where people were talking about spending as much as £1000 per child, and the average was in the 100s.

I can afford to spend a lot, but I don't see the need or the benefit in buying a lot. I plan on getting one large and one small present per child and maybe some chocolate. Things they will play with and cherish.

I don't buy into the consumerist culture surrounding Christmas, and I don't want to raise spoilt children.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
hibbledobble · 08/11/2017 21:48

waxon yes my eldest has a bike. It cost £10 second hand. No tablet or a pony here either Grin

OP posts:
Londonmamabychance · 08/11/2017 21:49

piegeon don't think anyone Ian making their kids unhappy. I'm sure everyone's kids on this thread are very happy. I don't think the amount of stuff you have is a very big factor defining happiness. But this thread is about whether you need to buy your kids loads and whether it makss them more happy so I'll just say that's not my personal experience.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 08/11/2017 21:51

YANBU. But once they get older it does start to become hard not to spend more. Clothing, Xbox games, trainers, gift cards, make up - if you want to treat them with the brand names they actually want it’s going to cost.

swg1 · 08/11/2017 21:52

A lot of libraries open awkward hours if the only time you can get to them is on a weekend. I have a 4 year old - he's shattered by starting school so evenings are "get home, feed, brief play, bed". The only time we can get to the library then is between 9-1 on a Saturday. Which is fine as long as we're free on a Saturday but books are meant to be back within 3 weeks. I don't remember the last time I DIDN'T have to renew a batch of books online at least once the night before they were due when I got a reminder.

Which is why my kids have massive (humongous) libraries of charity shop/car boot sale books. Because I love libraries in theory but in practice not so much.

WaxOnFeckOff · 08/11/2017 21:52

problem is most kids don't use technology for creativity but for watching silly YouTube videos and playing mind numbing games

However, I don't necessarily see that as a waste of time. We all need down time and additionally it's possible to be inspired and energised by stuff they watch and play. DS2 has become really interested in the byzantine empire by playing computer games that a lot of people wouldn't allow their DC to play. He's now looking to study history further.

WaxOnFeckOff · 08/11/2017 21:53

waxon yes my eldest has a bike. It cost £10 second hand.

And I'm sure that will last them through to adulthood.

Christinayangstwistedsista · 08/11/2017 21:53

Surely you are spoiling them then?

HamSandWitches · 08/11/2017 21:54

Everyone does it differently, I do it the same as my parents, we would get a couple of hundred each which would result in a pile of presents, everyone I know, family and friends do the same. All the teens have an iPhone, not the latest model, it doesn't have to cost a lot, people get their parents when the contracts up or cheap reconditioned ones. There's no right or wrong way, just spend what you want on your own DC and dont judge what others do. Some people will think £50 is not enough others will think £300 is too much.

Some people save all year to get gifts but don't get as much through the year, others get less at Christmas and gifts throughout the year.

Just do it the way you want to do it, it's not anyone else's business but don't judge people who do it differently, there is no right or wrong way.

LagunaBubbles · 08/11/2017 21:55

London because children like adults enjoy different things perhaps?

Christinayangstwistedsista · 08/11/2017 21:57

DS is getting a laptop, he will get a few games, some books, a couple of things for his hobby, new clothes and trainers. Not excessive, but will cost a considerable amount

CocoPuffsinGodMode · 08/11/2017 21:57

London you may not believe this but I don’t have a local library. Lots of people don’t. Besides that, when I was a child my parents couldn’t afford to buy books and even now at 41 when I read threads here where posters talk about re-reading their favourite childhood books or passing them to their own dc, I get a little pang because I value books, the joy of reading and I’d love to have those favorites I borrowed over and over from the library. My DC will be able to keep theirs or of course they can be passed to others to enjoy too.

As regards what toys could kids possibly need, you’re surely not serious??

SheepyFun · 08/11/2017 21:57

I'll start by saying I'll probably also spend under £50. And we could afford more.

However one thread I saw (last year) where one parent was going to spend £1000, it turned out that £900 of that was on a mid-range flute for their daughter who had already reached grade 5, and needed a better instrument to continue. I wouldn't expect to give an instrument as a present (not sure why not) - probably because my parents gave me a (similarly expensive) mid range flute when I needed it, not as a birthday/Christmas gift. OP, I suspect you too wouldn't count sporting equipment/musical instruments into your Christmas budget, but would just buy them when needed. But it does make for a slightly unfair comparison on the cost of Christmas gifts.

happy2bhomely · 08/11/2017 22:09

London I agree to an extent. My children are not happier because I buy them more. They would be just as happy with less I'm sure. I know because there have been times when they have had much less than they do now. But it makes me happy. It makes me feel good to buy all the things that I would have loved when I was little. All the things my mum would have loved to buy for me if she could have. Completely selfish and unnecessary but there you go.

My dc like 'things'. Craft sets, computer games, plastic crap, fluffy teddies, stickers, bricks, action figures. They also like reading, playing cards, building hideouts and making garden potions.

I home ed so my dc have much more free time and free choice of how they spend their time than many other children their ages. They spend that time pretty equally between baking, sewing, coding, building, painting, watching youtube, tv, digging, bouncing, climbing and reading. I don't think having access to lots of stuff limits them or their creativity in any way.

rackelle · 08/11/2017 22:17

Each to their own and what they can afford.
I do not agree with getting into debt to buy Christmas presents
I do not agree with expensive presents being labelled “from Santa”, children from families that cannot afford a new bike and a PlayStation do not have the capability to understand why Santa bought those for their friend and they got a selection box and wilko Lego :( Santa doesn’t discriminate so please don’t make it seem like he does

venellopevonschweetz · 08/11/2017 23:23

I’m going to chuck my two penneth in and not because it’s a stealth boast or anything but because they’re are a couple of comments on this (and the other) thread that have annoyed me a little bit Hmm

I’m one of the people who said I spend over £1,000 on DS at Christmas

BUT.......

  • He certainly doesn’t get a pile of presents, he’s getting 5 this year (one big one plus 4 stocking fillers).
  • He’s not getting any “tat” - stocking fillers are all things he has asked for and will use. I don’t believe in buying him things for the sake of it just to give him more to open on Christmas Day.
  • His main present isn’t technology, it’s linked to an outdoors hobby that he does with his dad, so he’s learning, bonding, exercising, getting fresh air etc.
  • He most certainly isn’t a spoilt brat, he knows the value of the things he gets and he appreciates them (because he only gets a small number at Christmas).

So...... either my situation is extremely unusual or there are some wildly incorrect assumptions flying around on MN today Confused

YellowMakesMeSmile · 09/11/2017 07:26

either my situation is extremely unusual or there are some wildly incorrect assumptions flying around on MN today

I don't think it's unusual at all. In real life no one I know spends less than £50 on Christmas presents for their children. A set of lego alone can cost that much. Higher numbers are far more common than lower numbers I'd imagine. Not everyone wants a second hand or frugal Christmas.

Original poster
hibbledobble · 09/11/2017 07:55

venele I'm curious as to what outdoor hobby requires such an expensive item.

yellow I have no idea what the norm is. I'm just trying to get some balance here compared to the other thread with people boasting about spending obscene amounts. I live in a very low income area, so either people are spending less than £50, or they are getting in debt to spend more.

OP posts:
juddyrockingcloggs · 09/11/2017 08:23

yellow I have no idea what the norm is. I'm just trying to get some balance here compared to the other thread with people boasting about spending obscene amounts. I live in a very low income area, so either people are spending less than £50, or they are getting in debt to spend more.

The people on the other thread were asked how much they spent. It’s not boasting just because they answered the question truthfully.

I also live in a low income area. A South Yorkshire ex-mining village, I spend much more than £50 yet I am not in debt, I earn more than average for the area and save.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 09/11/2017 08:27

I think people should spend what they feel comfortable spending

I have freinds that buy big tickets items for Christmas but we dont

But...we buy big ticket items durng the year if they are needed and i have freinds that save just about all spending for Christmas

So although our Christmas spending is small compared to dhs earnings we still spend money throughout the year

Ohyesiam · 09/11/2017 08:30

I'm interested that people are saying that buying children loads of presents isn't spoiling them.
I thought that was the definition of a spoilt child, as in indulged, pampered, no sense of the value if money because they are showered with stuff.
I never use the word spoiled. It's not part of my world view, but when I hear judgemental people say it I thought that is what they are referring to.
Not trying to goad, just intrigued.

LagunaBubbles · 09/11/2017 08:33

I'm just trying to get some balance here compared to the other thread with people boasting about spending obscene amounts

No-one boasted, they answered a question. People who dont spend very much shouldnt ask if they dont want people to be honest. And as far as remember from other thread only 1 or 2 people said they spent £1000 per child. Again not everyone would agree that was "obscene."
In my experience to its never the people who spend lots who start the threads either about this EVERY YEAR.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/11/2017 08:57

Well, there is a difference to being spoiled, as in treated, and spoiled brat.

I do spoil my children with material goods but they never ask for anything, are grateful for what they receive. they behave well are kind and generous to their family and friends.

They've never been the type of children who expect anything and aren't indulged on a daily basis. They are nearly adults now so I don't expect that that will change.

I've known spoiled bratty children who get less than my DC do at christmas, but they are the ones who are screaming for sweets and toys every time they go to a supermarket etc. My DC never had any exectation of getting things everytime we were out. SOmetimes they would be invited to go and choose something but not every time and they would never know when to expect it.

The way I look at it, I go to work and get rewarded for working hard and being contientious. MY DC work hard and behave themselves so I reward that with goods and/or money. If they were bratty about anything then they wouldn't get rewarded.

Original poster
hibbledobble · 09/11/2017 09:00

laguna spending 100s per child is also obscene to me, and that was the norm on that thread. It does come across as boasting, as it would seem only a subset (high spenders) answered the thread. Unless spending 100s is the norm now Hmm

OP posts:
HamSandWitches · 09/11/2017 09:12

But spending a few hundred is the norm for some people. Ive done it every year for 16 years, my parents did, we save all year get the money then get the presents, that's MY normal

randomer · 09/11/2017 09:14

Poor kids and poor parents bombarded with the myth that all will be well if you have the latest XYZ. It takes conviction and a massive amount of effort to say no.