Can we start a CF Christmas thread?

[AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley]

Because:

I need some light relief

I'll start. DS (nc now) once texted me on Christmas Eve to tell me (not ask) that her and DN were coming for Christmas...and staying for three weeks!

There was a list of instructions with the text, including:

I'll be sleeping in your room, and you, DH and DN can all share with DD, because I've had him all year alone and need a break. (She actually told me she was giving me a chance to prove that I was a better aunty than a sister!)

There'll be none of that (insert horrible racist word beginnig with P) shit that you normally cook. I'm allergic to hot food.

DN wakes up at 5.30. He needs breakfast within a half hour of waking, or else he won't be able to poo later in the day.

I need picking up at 6.00 at the latest, so you can give him tea.

Then she had the nerve to text DH and tell him I'd agreed to it, and she was ready to be collected! DH left work, and it wasn't until I'd been waiting in the rain for him to pick me up as arranged, and called him, that I dound out he was halfway to where she lived! (30 miles from us).

I'd just ignored the text.

He came straight back, I sent a "lol, dream on!" text, cue months- MONTHS- of PA fbk statuses about family not being everything, etc, etc...

Anyone else?

I don't know whether I should mention Shagzilla here again, but...

I offered to get my friend's DS a phone for a joint bday/Christmas gift. (It actually never happened because I had a horrendous time that month, and completely forgot.)

Shagzilla found out about it by accident: I sent a text to her by accident, instead of to my DF.

She sent me the following...

A message saying "you've obviously got money to burn, so..."

A screenshot of a calculation of what I (would have) spent on the phone, times four (she had four kids then)

A list of gifts equalling this amount!

I stuck up for myself that time...pinged her back saying "LOL I evicted Santa for being a cheeky fucker, he went back to live at the north pole. Try sending the list there...you may have more luck!"

Nettle that is awful but well done for outing them. My bestie is a restaurant manager and always has stories about groups who all throw in cash plus extra for a tip then one CF goes to the till to 'pay the balance' and pockets the tip.

*Nettle, you are officially my new crush- go you!

What was her face like when yoy made her show everyone?

So many. Mostly the pil.

Every year they came for Christmas. One year they turned up and their contribution was a box of crackers. With two removed for them to have the next day.

Another year dh and I opened a (very nasty) vase. The next year we opened exactly the same vase . They had clearly been a BOGOF and they had saved one till the next year.

@Dustysparrow that reminded me so much of something my DF would do!!!

A lovely, well-meaning man and father on the whole, but sometimes has weird lapses in respect.

Examples being:

Taking my Nailsinc. gold nail polish (a just received Christmas present from a friend) and using the entire bottle to paint the lettering on a stone plaque he'd engraved. Without asking.

Taking my treasured heirloom umbrella to the charity shop, because I left it in his garage when I couldn't carry everything back home on the train (I rang every PDSA in Yorkshire and couldn't retrieve it).

Supergluing - without asking me - ugly 5mm-thick, black ridged soles onto my favourite 40s calf-leather heels, because he thought the original soles looked 'about to crack'. I had to throw them away.

I used to visit home every Christmas to cook dinner and make the day as special as possible, and he'd always hover behind me and insist I put plates in the oven until they were too hot to touch (i.e. the last bit of meddling you need when you're juggling everything else in the oven).

If I buy DM something and she doesn't consume it fast enough / use it often enough, it goes in the bin or gets poured down the drain. Last year I got her some Clementine Chocolate Irish cream from M&S, and he brought her a glass of it every night until it was gone...

Lots of OCD/controlling behaviors that I sadly considered normal until I left home...

I still love him regardless, but choose not to go home for Christmas now (and feel so guilty for it).

Loving these CF stories-what is it about xmas that brings all the cf-ers out?
Mine, like OP's invoves my ex twin sister. She'd just moved into a council house after splitting with her DH. Just her and her DS(3). My Dad and I went round xmas day to support her. Her DS, lovely wee lad, got very excited at all his presents and started saying he wanted to play with them as kids do. Dad and I obligingly started to build/play with him. Sis lost her shit, screaming at us and him that he wasnt to play with them now, why didnt he shut up etc?
We tried to calm her down and her wee DS, who was heartbroken. Just made it worse, we were thrown out with the words 'if you cant agree with me, you'll never see my DS again'. (this was the start of the emotional blackmail).
Text a few days later demanding we apologise for our behaviour or we'd never see her DS again. Dad apologised, I didnt but she forgave me in the new year when she required childcare.
Since then, I've gone no contact after she deliberately ignored my only childs birthdays. (cue emotional FB statuses about how her friends are her family-they've since gone no contact with her also). Still can't believe she decided that was all our fault.
Amazing how everything is never her fault.
Anyhoo, OP, i'm intrigued by Shagzilla.....do post a link?

Some evil ones here! Just thought I would add that apparently food bank donations take quite a dip in January/February, so while the reverse advent calendar is a lovely idea, if you can't get one together in time, a January donation would also be great. I'm going to do that as I know I won't be organised enough to do it early in December, and also I can include some of the many boxes of biscuits etc we end up with after Christmas but can't eat all of ourselves. (Hope that last bit doesn't make me a Christmas CF .)

If you don't have any CF stories...does that mean the CF is you?

@Nettletheelf you are a hero! Did the CF’s get exposed after you showed the bill around?

I remember shagzilla and did say that she would put them into care over summer but didn't realise there would be truth in my words!
How sad.

FishFace I know.

The logical side of me knows I couldn't have done any more...but being an ex care kid myself (sorry if my flippancy offends) I guess I wanted different for them.

Morphene yup! You contribute equally to the thread, plus tip, or you are indeed a CF!

Kidding 😅

We have massive CF's in our family whose worst traits come out at Christmas. In fact I am sure they are going to go NC with us after this Christmas as I will be putting even less effort into their presents this year.

What's a CF?

MsHarry Cheeky Fucker.

Oh!

Another Secret Santa one (my last SS as it happens). I was given a tin of very naice biscuits. I have Coeliac and the giver knew it. She said "Oh, I know you can't eat them, I figured you'd just take them home for your family". I just gave a very tight smile and said 'thank you'.

I figure she must have gotten them as a gift or BOGOF and passed them on to me.

We need a CF section! @MNHQ do you heeeeear me?

In fact, I'm tempted to post in Site Stuff!

Cheeky fucker

We were once invited to someones house for Christmas lunch. The mum asked me to bring the turkey, ham and gravy She called me up to see what size I had ordered and said it wasn't big enough. I spent £200 on these items (overseas). On the day she had invited her BIL and he brought NOTHING with him. She actually shouted at me because the turkey was a bit dry. I also took some wine. She made a massive song and dance out of hosting at her house and it was a totally shit meal. It was freezing. At the time I couldn't really say anything as her DH was sort of my DH's boss and she thought she was the Queen Bee.

I have never accepted anyones invitation for Christmas Day since.

I have an old one. Years ago Mum's SIL told my mum they'd(3) be coming up between Christmas and New Year. Mum said she couldn't accommodate them as 3 kids at home plus GPs staying already. She said " It's ok we'll sleep in our car outside!" She knew my mum wouldn't allow them to do that so they had to sleep on our floor. They stayed 4 days and my poor mum fed them everyday. They brought a bottle of wine! Needless to say, she wasn't caught out again and always had a plan ready for future Christmases.

In answer to questions, I told everybody separately, presenting the evidence base with the maitre d’s written calculations. Mrs CF wasn’t there when I did it, but she knew straight away that something was wrong when she was next in work. She tried a few “ooh didn’t we all have a great time?” remarks which elicited muted responses.

Eventually, a few days later, a colleague cracked and said, “we all know what you did with the bill”. She tried denying it, of course, but her face was something to behold. No apologies, naturally!

Just remembered another one. A BIL invited us all over for turkey curry in the days after Christmas. We all were given a small bowl of curry. He then asked us all to contribute £5 towards the ingredients. I was especially as the turkey was bought by MIL as she had spent 25th with them! We managed to slip away without paying and he didn't have the balls to ask again!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/3080699-PLEEEEEASE-can-we-have-a-Cheeky-Fucker-section

I think I have some catching up to do..Shagzilla?