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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Splitting restaurant bill

974 replies

idontwanttodothisanymore · 06/11/2017 14:37

I’m one of those people who like to pay for just my meal. I hate splitting the bill by how many people there are.

Me and DH went out with his friend and his OH the other day.

Mine and DH meal came to: £31.57
I had pizza and water, he had chicken and one coke.
DH friend and OH meal came to: £49.78
They had ribs, lasagne, chips and 3 drinks.

Final bill was £81.75
DH friend had two vouchers for £20 off, so they both used that.

Then the OH said we could pay the rest. So we ended up paying £41.75 - £10 more than our meal!!!

I had never met her before and was completely shocked that she wanted us to split by 4 when our meal was cheaper.
She was very intimidating anyway so I didn’t want to say anything.

We were going to do 2 bills but the waiter was all flustered so we said don’t bother. Regretting it now!

I know it’s only £10 but our circumstances are so different. They both work and she has one child - he works full time and she works part time. Whereas DH works part time (and overtime if there is any) but I don’t (I had to leave my job due to medically issues), and we have 2 children.

DH doesn’t think I should be annoyed but I really am!
AIBU to be annoyed?

I don’t think I’ll ever see her again anyway, I didn’t get a good vibe from her and she’s just not my kind of person at all.

OP posts:
TammyswansonTwo · 06/11/2017 18:20

Actually, with the couples we are closest to, we just take it in turns to pay, unless we are going somewhere madly expensive

MsHarry · 06/11/2017 18:22

Tammy How sad that your friends haven't noticed this and continue to accept your subsidy.

expatinscotland · 06/11/2017 18:24

'Tammy How sad that your friends haven't noticed this and continue to accept your subsidy.'

Maybe Tammy orders a more expensive main. How sad that some people spend what's supposed to be an enjoyable time mentally calculating to make sure they don't subsidise a friend.

BumWad · 06/11/2017 18:24

YANBU

expatinscotland · 06/11/2017 18:25

'Am i the only one who is confused as to why people are saying the Tesco vouchers should have been shared......I spend a fortune in Tesco to earn points to use in various places....certainly not free and I would not be sharing mine.'

Then I'd go out as a couple to use them, not with other people.

Delatron · 06/11/2017 18:27

I couldn't even tell you who was subsidising who when I go out. I'm too busy having a nice meal rather than mentally adding up everyone's bills!

MsHarry · 06/11/2017 18:27

I never spend my time mentally calculating the bill. I enjoy a meal out with fiends. We split the bill if we all had much the same. We don't if we didn't. Simple!

MsHarry · 06/11/2017 18:27

friends!

TammyswansonTwo · 06/11/2017 18:29

Ah, don't feel bad - I'm sure my husband makes up for my lack of consumption!

Regardless, going out for dinner is one of my favourite things in life and it's my choice not to bicker over costs - I order what I want and split the bill happily. I'm sure if I said, actually I've only spent a tenner and you've had a gallon of wine, they wouldn't argue one bit.

Witsender · 06/11/2017 18:30

It sounds like the friends had planned to go, probably because they had vouchers to use. On hearing OP and husband had missed their film they invited them to tag along on their plans.

Bluntness100 · 06/11/2017 18:37

So his friend invited us with them as they were going to a different cinema later that evening

I mean this gently but I think this is where it all went wrong. You should have said no. If you’ve only got forty quid left until pay day and you’re pregnant with your third kid, then you really couldn’t afford that meal, borne out by the fact had to use a credit card to pay.

I get why you’re pissed off, you blew the last Of your money and actually went into debt for it and you didn’t even enjoy it. I’m not sure the other couple will have realised that, but it was more reason for both of you to either decline as you couldn’t afford it, or be very firm at the start on how you would pay.

expatinscotland · 06/11/2017 18:38

'I never spend my time mentally calculating the bill'

Obviously you do because the bulk of your posts have been full of ire for 'subsidising' your mates or judging other people's mates for being 'subsidised' by others.

RedForFilth · 06/11/2017 18:38

Hmm yanbu because I also don't agree with subsidising others. I'm a single working mum and my budget is what it is. Because of that I say no when I need to.

However, you keep hinting at disliking her. I have a feeling if you did like her you perhaps wouldn't be getting in such a tizz over it.

MsHarry · 06/11/2017 18:43

No my reply was to a pp saying I can't enjoy my meal because I am calculating. As I say I split the bill if we've all had much the same. But if we or they have less courses or drinks then we all calculate it at the end, takes a few minutes, no calculators required. Everyone else we go out with does the same, because we are considerate and polite. I dislike the attitude of some who are so blasé about splitting when they haven't had similar to others, that's unfair and inconsiderate.

BatShite · 06/11/2017 18:46

I used to be an angst-er over stuff like this. Never knew whether to make a fuss or not so always let it slide.

Then we went out for someones birthday. Birthday girl had a pizza. I had some chicken club sandwich thing as I was not that hungry but still wanted to go. Both me and birthday girl were pregnant at the time so had soft drinks. Rest of table were ordering bottles of wine and fillet steaks, and starters (neither me nor birthday girl had one) and deserts (I didn't have one, but birthday girl did) and bloody cocktails that were nearly a tenner each.

So bill comes. Its suggested that birthday girl pay nothing. Perfectly fine and expected. Then decided the bill would just be split between the rest of us. Basically, it turned out that my 'share' of the bill was over a hundred quid. For a chicken club sandwich, 2 cokes and my chipping in on birthday girls meal and drinks. For reference, the sandwich was a tenner. Pizzas about the same. And cokes were 2.50 each. Yes, I did make a fuss about it, which lead to 'you are ruining Xs birthday'. which lead to her also saying they were taking the bloody piss and should stop being so selfish and pay for their own fucking alcohol and stuff. Which ended in a bunch of people actually falling out over it. When they could easily have just let me put in my 50 quid like I was planning to, which easily covered my food and drink, and the birthday girls in full. Would also have left a tenner or so for tip/towards their food and drink.

I did not think to ask before the meal, as I did not expect them to take the piss as much as they did and figured 50 would definitely be enough. I had more cash on me just incase it was a bit more. But them asking for over a hundred from me..was just silly and selfish IMO.

I now notice, that it always always seems to be those who spend a lot on their meals/drinks that suggest splitting the bill.

Unless I am out with family or friends I know very well...I will always make a point of getting different bills for me (and DH/kids if they are there) after that ridiculous situation. Even if the rest of the group plans on splitting and thinks me rude or something. I have only had someone take issue with this twice. Both times they just sulked a little after lecturing me on how 'friends should split and not be bothered' and both times they went on to have a significantly higher bill to me come time to pay.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 06/11/2017 18:59

12hrsoff blimey re your dad!! What does he buy your kids for birthdays/Christmases?

MinervaSaidThar · 06/11/2017 19:00

This is why I always have enough tenners and fivers with me. I just put down my share, including extra for bread and water if ordered.

I put a 10% top at the end when everyone else has coughed up so that my tip doesn't subsidise other people's bills.

However, with my closest friends, we split the bill equally even if one person has had more or we pay for eachother as a treat.

Christinayangstwistedsista · 06/11/2017 19:00

Think I might just go out for dinner on my own from now own, it all seems too complicated

Delatron · 06/11/2017 19:03

I think it's rude and comes across as tight not to just split equally unless there is a non-drinker. I think etiquette wise spitting is the done thing.

Now, if your circle of friends all pay their individual share and total up every last penny then fine, that clearly works for you as a group. Doesn't mean it's the social norm though. I see it as tight and miserly.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 06/11/2017 19:06

They should have split the remainder 50:50 that's what mates do

But you should go out and budget for 5O:50 to be honest that's the normal behaviour

Or say before the night 'guys I'm skint can we just pay for iursnuf that's OK '

But they were more BU than you Grin

Christinayangstwistedsista · 06/11/2017 19:06

Delatron

I'm not really sure spitting is the done thing

Delatron · 06/11/2017 19:10

It has been in my circle of friends for my entire life, think lots on this thread agree. My friends would be horrified if I started totting up who'd had a starter and how many glasses of wine we'd each had...

FloraFox · 06/11/2017 19:13

I think the OP is getting way too much stick for having the audacity to want to have a nice night out on a budget even though she's skint.

YANBU OP. I have some friends / family we always pay for, some we take turns paying at different meals, some we split bills with and some where everyone pays their own. Some people want to pay their own because they are on a tight budget and some people are just frugal (but can still be lovely). I would never ever suggest splitting with someone who had ordered less unless I knew that's what we always do (and either they don't care about the money or will order more another time). I'd really hate the thought that someone was going home and having to cut somewhere else because I blew their budget.

As for the vouchers, that's borderline CF'ery. If it was a like-cash voucher they could have used if you weren't there, fine (without the bill splitting issue) but if they were riding off your meal to get their whole meal free, they are CFs.

Either way, YANBU for wanting to have a nice night out with some friends without blowing your budget.

Christinayangstwistedsista · 06/11/2017 19:14

Delatron

Read it again Wink

Delatron · 06/11/2017 19:25

Ahh 😂 Bloody typos. Definitely no to any form of spitting, that really wouldn't be the done thing..