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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just did my first tinkly laugh and teally enjoyed it

99 replies

mikeyssister · 04/11/2017 10:13

Long story so please bear with me.

DD3 has a "friend" who had a birthday party about 6 months ago in the last year of primary. DD3 wasn't available to attend the birthday party so I don't know would she have been invited as they knew she was away. I was speaking to the "friend's" mother who said that her DD had only invited some of the girls from the class, she hadn't invited a couple (my DD would have made 3). I told mother I was surprised that she had allowed her DD to exclude them. Mother gave a tinkly laugh and said she thought her DD was old enough to decide for herself who to invite to the party.

Anyway, fast forward to DD3's Birthday. She's not in class with any of her old primary friends but sees 3 regularly outside school and travels to school on the bus with this "friend". DD3 invited the other friends and 4 new friends to the cinema and back to ours for pizza after.

I bumped into the other mother in the shop this morning, and she said that her DD had been disappointed not to be invited to the party, as they're such good friends Confused.

I gave a tinkly laugh and said I thought DD3 was old enough to decide for herself who to invite to the party. I really, really enjoyed it, but she looked hurt.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Fluffysparks · 04/11/2017 10:16

No of course not, some folks will probably be along soon to tell you that you were but being excluded from a party is one of the most hurtful things of primary school IMO, go OP

MsPassepartout · 04/11/2017 10:17

It was a bit mean of you.

wizzywig · 04/11/2017 10:19

Nah. I bet it felt great op. Good on you. Now she will know how it feels.

wobblywonderwoman · 04/11/2017 10:20

She knew you were away ? So she didn't not invite your dd ? Is that right ?

wobblywonderwoman · 04/11/2017 10:22

But yes, you were right to do it if the mother was being spiteful.

RuggerHug · 04/11/2017 10:24

You didn't tell your DD not to bring her so totally not your fault. If the other girls DM had said she would have definitely been invited if you were around that would be different.

ClaryFray · 04/11/2017 10:27

Meh, it's not like you laughed at the child. It was the mother and you only said what she did so nope x

2014newme · 04/11/2017 10:29

The other mum did nothing wrong. You don't have to invite all the girls in your class, my dd can't stand one if the girls in her class.
So I'm not sure why you took such pleasure is this comeuppance

thebluething · 04/11/2017 10:31

But you don't know that the "friend" would have excluded your DD, if she had been available last year. Chances are she would have been invited, no?

In any case, girls are so fickle at this age so I just wouldn't stoop to that level. Teach your daughter to be as inclusive as possible and not play silly games. What goes around comes around!

Pengggwn · 04/11/2017 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NerrSnerr · 04/11/2017 10:37

So the reason your daughter wasn’t invited was probably because you were away? I think it’s fine for your daughter to invite who she wants but you sound mean.

Quartz2208 · 04/11/2017 10:38

Yes it does sound like you enjoyed it a bit too much

And IF DD3 is friends with her is it the party invite that meant she wasnt invited

Fluffycloudland77 · 04/11/2017 10:39

Well if you give it out you have to take it too.

She has a very short memory by the sound of it.

Slartybartfast · 04/11/2017 10:39

miaow

StaplesCorner · 04/11/2017 10:43

Well if you give it out you have to take it too.

yep.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 04/11/2017 10:43

Just avoid this other mum. You don't like each other. It's best to let your dds get on with their friendship now they're at secondary school and not get involved.

It sounds as though you both enjoy your loaded passive aggressive conversations with tinkly laughter though.
This could turn into an enjoyable past time for you both; competitive one up manship dressed up as lighthearted conversation. Grin

OrlandaFuriosa · 04/11/2017 10:43

It wasn’t forgiving or turning the other cheek to her, but oh what joy!

And at year 7, get over it...even if you are on the bus together.

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 04/11/2017 10:43

The way I’m reading it is other mother didn’t invite because her DD can choose for herself and not because OPs DD was away, ie she wouldn’t have been invited anyway. OP I think you’re asking AIBU because this behaviour doesn’t come naturally to you so you’re now over thinking it. It clearly comes naturally to her though as she did the same but doesn’t have enough self awareness to understand how she made you feel. Seriously, don’t worry about it.

Bringmewineandcake · 04/11/2017 10:43

It’s ok for your dd to not invite her, and it’s ok for her dd to be upset not to be invited.
Mum should not do tinkly laugh if she’s not prepared to get it back.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/11/2017 10:44

They’re yr7 and in secondary school. Of course your dd gets to decided.

TidyDancer · 04/11/2017 10:48

Don’t blame you for enjoying it OP, I would’ve done too!

CaptainHarville · 04/11/2017 10:51

Satisfying as it probably was you're assuming the mum has awareness to actually recognise you did to her what she did to you. In my experience people just aren't that self aware.

ilovesooty · 04/11/2017 10:54

Do people really do this kind of thing? Evidently they do but I can't imagine why.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 04/11/2017 10:54

You sound incredibly petty and spiteful. Is your daughter similar to you? Could explain why she isn't invited to parties...

StealthNinjaMum · 04/11/2017 10:57

I can't do a tinkly laugh. I have practised