Just did my first tinkly laugh and teally enjoyed it

[mikeyssister]

Long story so please bear with me.

DD3 has a "friend" who had a birthday party about 6 months ago in the last year of primary. DD3 wasn't available to attend the birthday party so I don't know would she have been invited as they knew she was away. I was speaking to the "friend's" mother who said that her DD had only invited some of the girls from the class, she hadn't invited a couple (my DD would have made 3). I told mother I was surprised that she had allowed her DD to exclude them. Mother gave a tinkly laugh and said she thought her DD was old enough to decide for herself who to invite to the party.

Anyway, fast forward to DD3's Birthday. She's not in class with any of her old primary friends but sees 3 regularly outside school and travels to school on the bus with this "friend". DD3 invited the other friends and 4 new friends to the cinema and back to ours for pizza after.

I bumped into the other mother in the shop this morning, and she said that her DD had been disappointed not to be invited to the party, as they're such good friends .

I gave a tinkly laugh and said I thought DD3 was old enough to decide for herself who to invite to the party. I really, really enjoyed it, but she looked hurt.

Was I being unreasonable?

My DC have always decided who they wanted to invite to their parties. This year DD only invited 3 friends to trampolining, not a party.

God I can’t stand this type of passive aggressive shit. Let your secondary school age daughter grow up and make her own decisions about who she invites, and have a word with yourself about why you take pleasure in getting involved with it, and making snidey comments

Good point NinjaMum. What defines a tinkly laugh? I suppose it's just false and high pitched with dark undertones?
I think you have to throw in a head tilt at the end.

I still have no idea what this 'tinkly' laugh actually sounds like.

Just wondering, op, if 'friend' wasn't invited solely on the basis that your dd wasn't invited to hers (even though they knew she wasn't available)? 'Friend's' Mum's tinkly laugh was in response to your comment about her leaving a couple of other girls out, wasn't it? Your dd was out of the equation anyway.

Absolutely understand your tinkly laugh revenge satisfaction it if it was 'tit-for-tat', but not so much otherwise! Wholeheartedly endorse children having the say as to who comes to their parties, but do you think your negative feelings about the mother could have influenced your dd in excluding 'friend?

ilostit I can't do the head tilt either.

I choose to be kind.

However it is a choice, and maybe there’s some backstory as to why you felt you had to be mean to the other mother? Her not inviting your daughter because you were away doesn’t excuse anything, even if she would have still not invited her if you weren’t away (the two/three comment indicates your DD would have been invited and was missed!)

Oh how sad. People spreading around hurt and unhappiness disguised in a rude laugh.

Wouldn’t it be lovely if there was more kindness between parents and children’s friendships? Children pick up on how their parents act though, and if they don’t see that kindness there, it’s not surprising they struggle with it themselves and exclude people from parties 😔 What a sad post.

I imagine a tinkly laugh as an initially high-pitched, but gently descending 'ahahahahah' , accompanied by a condescending smile.

I'm a bit torn on this one. You don't know that your DD3 would have been excluded from her friend's party, she wasn't invited because she wouldn't have been able to go!
So for your DD3 to have chosen not to invite this friend, and you to turn her mother's words back on her, seems a touch unfair.

Of course children reach a point where they only want to invite whom they want to invite, but it seems a bibt rough that your DD3 has excluded this friend whom she sees every day on the bus!
Unless they have fallen out or grown apart, of course.

I don't get it either. You don't know that your DD wasn't invited to the first party. And anyway, it looks a bit odd that you've been brooding on this for six months, so it looks a bit spiteful to me.

Op try to get out more! Life's too short for this!

I think I'd have just prefaced it with... "Well as you said around the time of you DD's birthday..." Just in case she forgot she'd said it first!

Not being able to go to a party because you are away is one thing. Not being invited is something else entirely.

I don't understand why you needed to retaliate when it's possible your child would have been invited to the first party

I find people do "tinkly laughs" when cornered or embarrassed.

Why is “friend” in inverted commas?

It sounds like adults being more immature than the girls in all honesty.

I don’t think the OP reacted in that way because her daughter wasn’t invited. It’s because the other mother/child was a bit mean to invite all the class apart from a couple of girls who would obviously feel excluded.

"Was I being unreasonable?"

If I understand correctly, the only known reason your DD was not invited to her friend's party, was because the friend already knew that your DD was not available. Yes?

In that case, yes, you were being unreasonable.

"I really, really enjoyed it, but she looked hurt."

"Tinkly laugh"? Is that a bitchy laugh? A 'fuck you' laugh?

Ah well, as long as you enjoyed it.

NinjaMum Just remember high pitched, descending to low laugh, condescending smile and head tilt.

It all sounds like a recipe for a nasty neck injury actually.

Can anyone explain what a 'tinkly laugh' is? Ive never heard of it!

You sound rather unpleasant and petty.

Time to get a life OP

This is how i imagine the OP

That does sound passive aggressive band extremely childish.

Of course the children can decide for themselves who they wish to invite to their birthday bashes, but why do parents have run each others' noses in it.

Personally, I would prefer the option of being the bigger person and still inviting the friend if they were in regular contact. I would have communicated that to my child.

They are friends on the bus and see each other there. If your DD regularly relies on this other girl and they sit together on the bus almost daily then perhaps your DD made a bit of a faux pas and spoke about the party, to which she wasn't inviting the other girl. Only you and your DD know whether or not that would have happened, but if it did it it would have been hurtful, and you may have just laughed at it to the girl's mother.

Obviously we can't know what really happened, as we weren't there. You should tread more carefully though. Tit for tat on this sort of thing is often hurtful and childish.