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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fireworks at home - who should ‘win’?

143 replies

handsfree · 03/11/2017 16:41

I love an organised display as much as the next person, but HATE fireworks at home. I think it’s dangerous, not nice for neighbours, not nice for pets, but mostly, it’s dangerous!!

Dh always had fireworks at home when he was a kid, it’s a very fond memory for him. He has just got back from work with a load of fireworks in his boot. We have two children, 6 and 3, and he is keen to put a display in in the garden for him. He knows how I feel about it but apparently thought I just ‘wasn’t a fan’ rather than being vehemently against it.

Now he’s saying why should he not get to do this as it’s a lovely memory for him just because I don’t like it (I didn’t actually say he couldn’t do it, just reiterated how strongly I feel about it) So we both feel very strongly about this but in completely opposite directions....... who gets to choose?!?

OP posts:
OlympicBonfire · 03/11/2017 17:09

I wish private home displays were banned. Thankfully my current dog doesn't seem to be phased but my previous dog was petrified. Although what my dog would be like if my neighbours had a display right next door I dread to think - it would probably frighten him and then he'd be frightened of all fireworks.

Evelynismyspyname · 03/11/2017 17:10

My favourite fireworks displays were at school and similar smallish organised displays. I hate the enormous displays with thousands of people and an hour of sitting in the car queueing to get out of the car park afterwards - apart from anything if your child turns out not to like them it's impossible to get away through the crowd!

We live abroad and I'd like to take the kids back to see a small organised display but I don't think they exist any more do they?

Am I right in thinking there is no longer anything in between absolutely enormous organised events and families in their own gardens?

Doesn't help op sorry Blush but the very big organised displays (for all the fireworks are technically impressive) are no fun for a lot of kids due to the crowds and going on too long with limited options to retreat.

OlympicBonfire · 03/11/2017 17:11

Oh and I disagree with " as he's bought them you just as well use them". What's to stop him doing exactly the same next year ?

Beerwench · 03/11/2017 17:13

I have memories of garden fireworks with grandparents from very early, but as soon as my mum went into nursing they stopped. As an a&e nurse she saw some horrific injuries from fireworks and bonfires. Although yes, I have warm and fuzzy memories of it, I was a child and I didn't have a clue about the dangers involved. I think just as lovely memories could be made at an organised event with the whole family for children, it's much safer.
Could you argue that point? Personally I'd let him get on with it now, but on the understanding that it's only this once, and in future he needs to discuss it with you before he just goes out and buys them.

Original poster
handsfree · 03/11/2017 17:17

We all love fireworks, the boys have been to loads of big displays. And we are going to ds1 school fireworks tonight! So it’s not that there’s. lack of fireworks in our lives.

OP posts:
PovertyPain · 03/11/2017 17:19

There's not a snowball's chance in hell that he won't insist on them next year, if he gets his way, this year. I hate fireworks and think people who don't take into consideration the negative impact it can have on neighbour's are selfish. Is your wish for a firework display more important than a terrified animal, confused elderly person or child with SN?

Evelynismyspyname · 03/11/2017 17:22

Ah if schools still do them then I agree, that's a lovely little organised fireworks party (please say they still have bonfires too?) No need for your own in the garden in that case. The huge ones are so anonymous and crowded and I can understand wanting fireworks in the garden instead of a really big town display. But as you say it's surplus to requirements in your case.

ilovekitkats · 03/11/2017 17:22

A 4yo girl in the westcountry was injured badly by a firework at a home display last year and her mother is begging people to attend organised displays only. Her daughter suffered 3rd degree burns to her neck and hand and leg, when a firework went sideways and stuck in her scarf. It could have been so much worse than it was, but it was bad enough.

I have literally just watched a video that she posted on facebook.

I know that accidents can happen any time any where, but I really wouldn't take the risk with fireworks.

RaeCJ82 · 03/11/2017 17:23

I love fireworks at home. My mum and dad would always have them for me and my bro. I’m sure your OH is capable of lighting them safely and the home ones are often a little bit of an anti climax with their lack of power. That’s part of the fun though. Plus sparklers, meat and potato pie and plot toffee!

Cornettoninja · 03/11/2017 17:24

I have mixed memories of home fireworks. Some nice but some terrified after watching blue peter who drilled firework safety repeatedly (never going back to a lit one made me scared every time my dad went back up the garden to light another after a dud) and that 80's safety advert of the little girl picking up a burnt out sparkler. I've literally never used a sparkler! Grin

Not sure what I'd do but watching from a window seems a fair compromise. I don't think I'd have any qualms about putting a little fear into my kids about them either.

I do love a public display though. Generally much better fireworks anyway.

Ttbb · 03/11/2017 17:26

I'm with you. Domestic set offs are selfish at best, dangerous at worst. I think it comes down to whether it is safe. If you garden is big enough to set them off safely (most brush gardens aren't so odds are on your side) then I suppose it would be unfair to stop himprovided that he did it at a reasonable hour. I.e. Before 6:30z

KitKat1985 · 03/11/2017 17:29

I'm with you OP. I don't like home displays either. However could you maybe agree that since he's already bought them that he can do them this year, as long as he's careful and does them at a considerate hour, but after this you don't want any more home displays?

Ifearthecold · 03/11/2017 17:29

My DH is exactly the same and every year wiould buy a big set for the garden, never mind the house was beside a road, never mind there were horses in the field on the other side, childhood memories etc, etc.

I am throughly delighted that where we are living this year not only doesn't have bonfire night, I have yet to see any fireworks for sale.

I feel your pain but have no sensible suggestions as I never managed to shift my DH on this one.

speakout · 03/11/2017 17:31

Totally with you OP.

Hallamoo · 03/11/2017 17:33

I hate organised displays;
too crowded, too dark, too noisy, too cold, and too expensive.

When my DC were little they would get frightened at the big displays, and I would be terrified they'd let go of my hand and I'd lose them in the crowd.

I remember one occasion having to fight against the tide to leave with my 18 month old who was distressed and it taking ages, just to leave.

So we have always had small home displays, with extended family. It's a lovely get together, those who want to be outside, are, and those who don't, can watch from the window. I serve soup, hot dogs and jacket potatoes. Now the DC are teenagers they still look forward to it, they don't want to go to the organised displays.

I think it's fine, as long as you do them safely, and keep the children well away. Perhaps let the neighbours know in advance incase of pets, but I'm sure they are well aware of the date anyway!

I for one, would be very sad if they banned selling them to the general public, as there's no way I'd want to go to an organised display now.

Sandsunsea · 03/11/2017 17:37

He could take them to a big park?

Trufflethewuffle · 03/11/2017 17:42

A friend's 4 year old was injured in a home display last year. A firework shot off in the wrong direction and caught in her scarf, burning her face and neck. The family have been doing a lot of publicity about this to try and get the message out and hopefully stop this happening to others.

GummyGoddess · 03/11/2017 17:46

I'm sure everyone who was in charge of displays where someone was injured thought they were capable of letting them off safely. Nobody sets them off thinking they're going to injure anyone but it happens frequently.

I had many at home displays as a child by a family member who made fireworks and designed displays. I'm not against fireworks but home displays are a terrible idea.

MyKingdomForBrie · 03/11/2017 17:49

Some of my best childhood memories are the bonfire and fireworks my dad did in our field, we would chase the fireworks off into the dark to find the spent sticks. I hate organised displays with ropes and crowds and queues.

As to who should win - very tricky. I think if he is safe and careful and you’re not near horses/nervous dogs then there’s no issue but it’s really circumstantial.

RaeCJ82 · 03/11/2017 17:50

I’m sure they did Gummy, but thinking you’re capable and actually taking all precautions are two different things.

VioletCharlotte · 03/11/2017 17:57

I'm in two minds about this. I used to love fireworks at home when I was a kid and hated displays (too much standing around in the cold, too many people, etc). A proper bonfire night with family and friends can be really god fun. However it's awful for pets, my dog is terrified of the bangs.

I think the issue I have with fireworks is not so much whether they're at home or a display, it's more about people letting them off weeks either side of Nov 5th.

HashiAsLarry · 03/11/2017 17:57

My friend who's firework nearly got me is someone exceptionally safe and had handled many home displays over the years previous. He made one mistake, one he's terribly guilty over, which thankfully wasn't as bad as it could have been. Even professionals make them. It's not simply a case of just arrogantly thinking you'll be fine nor safeguarding enough.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 03/11/2017 18:01

I wouldn’t care about wasted cost, they’d be disposed of instantly.

onalongsabbatical · 03/11/2017 18:09

News report re one child, plus categorical official advice from emergency services. www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-devon-41834652/mother-s-firework-plea-as-girl-4-scarred-for-life

Foxysoxy01 · 03/11/2017 18:34

It's just so unnecessary and selfish to have fireworks in your garden unless you live miles away from another living being.

You don't know how upset neighbours animals might get or how distressed the PTSD sufferer or vulnerable elderly neighbour 5 doors down may react.

It shows a massive sense of entitlement that you should be allowed to do whatever you want in your own home regardless of how it may upset others around you.

With professional firework shows people know ahead of time and can make sure pets/people are as safe as possible.