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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go on holiday without DS?

125 replies

BasinHaircut · 03/11/2017 14:57

Me and DH have booked a week away but are leavening DS(4) at home with his grandparents.

We took him away earlier in the year on a ‘family’ holiday that was very child orientated, but now want a more grown up break.

He is at school and we are going in term time. I’ve told him that we are going away for a week and he is having his grandparents come to take care of him and he doesn’t seem bothered.

I’ve had some weird looks and comments about our decision to go away without him but and I realise he will probably miss us (and I’ll miss him) but TBH he is hard work and I could do with a break.

AIBU?

OP posts:

oldlaundbooth · 06/11/2017 01:26

I don't see a problem with this at all.

avamiah · 06/11/2017 02:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

scottishdiem · 06/11/2017 02:52

avamiah As you requested I have reported you. Also, your truth means nothing to anyone else so you arrogance is astounding. You being a mother and a wife offers nothing special at all to humanity in general or indeed this thread. Jog on.

OP - Its fine if he has spent time away from you already. As you noted, when he gets older this will be harder if you are away to places they he doesnt get to go.

CommanderDaisy · 06/11/2017 03:28

Absolutely go.
Run, in fact. Have a break.
Your DS will have a lovely time, and so will you. You both may miss each other a bit, but everyone will be fine.

ohlittlepea · 06/11/2017 06:05

Eveey family works differently, If my frie ds came to me and said they needed some time out Id be supportive. Id hope its in the same country tho as as a parent I think its important for at least one of you to be able to get back quickly if needed.
My own perspectice is I think these young years of dependence pass so quickly for most children. There's such a short time to be there with them. Basically as lpng as my child wants to be with me on holiday shes going to be coming too. But I do have the odd day off for a spa treat or dinner with friends. You cant pour from an empty cup xx

speakout · 06/11/2017 06:10

I think it's quite sad that your son is " not bothered" at you going away for a week.

Holidays for us is very important family time. A chance for us to connect, catch up, strengthen bonds, have fun.

Each to their own.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 06/11/2017 07:30

I think it's quite sad that your son is " not bothered" at you going away for a week.

I presumed he had already been left a lot with grandparents so was used to mum and dad not being there. Mine at that age wouldn't have wanted us to leave for a week.

If he's " hard work" how can it be fair to put that on others just so you can have another holiday?

Holidays are family time, annual leave from work is precious and most people only get around five weeks.

Hollyhop17 · 06/11/2017 07:32

I personally wouldnt do it, a week away at 4 seems too long to me.

Rachie1973 · 06/11/2017 07:34

avamiah And report me, but I'm speaking the truth as a mother and a wife.

Lol I bet you iron socks.

Oh and kiss your husband and children with that mouth.

maddiemookins16mum · 06/11/2017 07:36

We're off to Madeira for 5 nights in 3 weeks time. DD isn't, she's stopping with DMIL, who'll spoil her rotten and take her into London to see School of Rock (which she cannot wait for).
We've done it almost every year since DD was anout 5.
We're adults, we need fun too and DD gets that.

maddiemookins16mum · 06/11/2017 07:38

avamiah, it's shouldn't have had kids, not shouldn't of have kids.
You're response is ott and nasty.

MiniCooperLover · 06/11/2017 07:44

Absolutely have a great time! Lovely to have grandparents both able and willing to help. We’ve recently lost my MIL and I’m so sad that one on one time together is something that I’ll miss for him and her together. DS will be fine, his structure and routine will barely change from the sound of things and you’ll both come back relaxed and happy 👍

Rachie1973 · 06/11/2017 07:54

maddiemookins16mum

Ah but avamiah is speaking as a 'wife and mother' don't you know. This is like the PHD of life! It gives her authority over everyones life and makes her opinion the most important one.... like ever!

I say this as chief shit wiper and dishwasher loader.... which is like a few ranks down :)

CamperVamp · 06/11/2017 07:54

I am envious of a close enough relationship with youthful fit grandparents that enable this!

And of enough money and holiday allocation.

Envy, pure envy!

Which I suspect underlies some of the catsbum response you are experiencing here and in RL.

I would have found it hard to be away from my kids for a whole week when they were 4. But that’s my problem, not a judgement.

Mittens1969 · 06/11/2017 08:17

A weekend away is absolutely fine, I love 2 nights to recharge and reconnect with my DH, do things we enjoy like going for walks. Our DDs have had sleepovers with their cousins when we’ve done that.

A week is too much IMO.

Mittens1969 · 06/11/2017 08:23

Posted too soon. I don’t mean to be judgy as I don’t know your situation. But that will be the reason for the looks you’re getting.

Summerlovin24 · 06/11/2017 09:54

Do whats right for you. I had separation anxiety when they were young and could only do a weekend but we are all different. Maybe thats why im now old and knackered

isntitapip · 06/11/2017 11:49

The relationship board is full of breakups and heartache. Your relationship needs nurturing too. That’s also important to your son’s well being. No point in being a martyr, you only get one life. If he’s happy at grandparents then have a lovely time and ignore people who give you funny looks.

Chattymummyhere · 06/11/2017 12:25

I couldn’t do a week but cant wait till the youngest is old enough for the grandparents to do a weekend.

Brandnewstart · 06/11/2017 12:34

A lot of us have no choice because we share parental care. My boys are often away with their dad for a week at a time. I actually hate it but as they are mainly happy which is the most important thing. My youngest struggled at 6 on their first holiday with him and cried on the phone so I would limit speaking to him - out of sight, out of mind seems best for a lot of them - but obviously you know your child!
Enjoy your holiday.

Brandnewstart · 06/11/2017 12:35

I would perhaps do 5 days though so you have the weekends on both sides to spend with him.

speakout · 06/11/2017 13:48

My kids would have missed me terribly at 4 years old.

Darlingsof · 06/11/2017 14:17

I see why people thinks it’s odd. I wouldn’t do it but I like me kids and would take them with.

Waterfeature · 06/11/2017 14:21

4 is quite little and a week is a long time. My 6yo hates being away from me even for a couple of days and I’d feel v twitchy being away for more than that. But different strokes for different folks...

tinypop4 · 06/11/2017 17:42

I would do this for a 3 day weekend but not longer. I would miss my dc (5) and she would miss us too.
That said I absolutely don't judge anyone else who does this leaving them in the totally able and loving hands of grandparents.

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