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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go on holiday without DS?

125 replies

BasinHaircut · 03/11/2017 14:57

Me and DH have booked a week away but are leavening DS(4) at home with his grandparents.

We took him away earlier in the year on a ‘family’ holiday that was very child orientated, but now want a more grown up break.

He is at school and we are going in term time. I’ve told him that we are going away for a week and he is having his grandparents come to take care of him and he doesn’t seem bothered.

I’ve had some weird looks and comments about our decision to go away without him but and I realise he will probably miss us (and I’ll miss him) but TBH he is hard work and I could do with a break.

AIBU?

OP posts:

YellowMakesMeSmile · 03/11/2017 18:29

I find it odd too and could never do it. We don't use childcare though unless needed for work. They are little for such a short period that we can have plenty of time for adult only holidays after they leave home.

autumngold6 · 03/11/2017 18:38

We never had any childcare from grandparents when our children were young but I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Your son has had a family holiday with you and he and his grandparents will have a lovely week together. You get time together as a couple and to have a holiday in term time which he wouldn't enjoy anyway. Parents' needs are important too and it is easier to parent well if you get some time off. We are grandparents ourselves now and have played a big part in caring for our granddaughter - she has grown up from birth spending regular time with us and it benefits us all. What suits one family doesn't necessarily suit another but if it works for you make the most of it. People saying they wouldn't do it probably have a different family set up with grandparents playing less of a role so that's perhaps why it seems odd or upsetting to them.

iggleypiggly · 03/11/2017 18:44

We've done a weekend but never a week. We've had the opportunity but just couldn't. I would feel odd having a holiday without them, think they would feel the same!

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 03/11/2017 18:47

yellow (and this isn’t meant to be a snarky comment) that’s interesting because I find it odd that you never use childcare (except for work). Do you and your partner never do anything together without your children? That would send me loopy.

I know they are only little for a while, but equally I might get run over by a bus tomorrow. I think life is too short to put ‘me’ and ‘me and dh’ on hold until DS has grown.

OP posts:

smerlin · 03/11/2017 18:53

Not unreasonable at all! We have left DD for weddings aboard, evenings out, nights away etc. Always with family. We actually haven't left her for a week but she left us for a week to go on holiday with her grandparents! She loves being with them- tells us to go so she can have time just with them now!!!

Depends how you arrange it- we have left her with GPs for odd occasions since a baby so they are like second parents to her- she is incredibly close to them which is important to her. I very much subscribe to the theory of it takes a village to raise a child though. I don't have much truck with the current Anglo-American nuclear family only obsession. Many cultures in the world aren't like that all!

DaisysStew · 03/11/2017 18:58

I think it sounds great. I love my son to pieces but if I was offered a week in the sun, with the freedom to drink, sleep in late and shag as loudly as I like I'd be off like a shot.

Go and have a good time. Your DS will be at school in the day and spend his evenings being spoiled by his grandparents, I'm sure he'll not mind.

TonTonMacoute · 03/11/2017 19:07

YANBU. He will have a great time with grandparents. You will spend the whole week thinking about him and talking about him too probably, but will come back refreshed and relaxed and loooking forward to seeing him again. The grandparents will probably be looking forward to seeing you again, too!

chicken2015 · 03/11/2017 19:20

As someone who has fond memories of staying at my grandparents for a week who parents went on holiday, I think it's great idea! As long as you know the care they will get will b good i think it's a good binding experience for child

Oly5 · 03/11/2017 19:25

Yanbu. He will be fine and will have a nice time. Enjoy your break!!

bathghter · 03/11/2017 19:37

i find it hard to imagine wanting to do this but this is only the business of you, DH, grandparents and DS ¯(ツ)/¯

remaincalm · 03/11/2017 19:38

YANBU I went away with my DH for 5 nights for our wedding anniversary. I missed our children but loved having a mini break. It sounds like your children will be well cared for whilst you are away so go and have fun.

JigglyTuff · 03/11/2017 19:39

4 nights is my max because I ‘enjoyed’ my parents going away for a week or so and I really missed them and was miserable.

JigglyTuff · 03/11/2017 19:41

But having said that, we were at home with a mate of my mum looking after us. If your DS knows his GP really welll and is going to stay with them, it could be very happy.

I don’t think there’s anything intrinsically wrong with it

underneaththeash · 03/11/2017 19:47

We've left ours plenty of times, with DH and with friends and its always been lovely, everyone appreciated everyone else when they got back. I actually can't think of anyone I know who hasn't been away for at least a weekend with their children.

I'd do it while you can, your parents my not be able to care for the children alone for ever.

Have a lovely time

LuchiMangsho · 03/11/2017 19:50

It's your choice. I wouldn't. My parents didn't. Both worked FT. And weekends and holidays were for us. I genuinely can't imagine them excluding me (I was an only child) from their holiday. We were a super tight knit unit of three and we still are.
I have two kids and the whole point of a holiday for me is to take them with us. I had plenty of child free holidays before they came and will when they are grown up. We have plenty of 'us' time though. Kids go to sleep at a good hour and neither boy is hard work. DH and I work FT (mine is flexible) so when they are in bed we do go out for dinner or have 'couple time.' We also individually do go away for work. So I don't feel as if our relationship is on hold or anything. But every family and dynamic is different. And I have plenty of friends who leave kids with grandparents and go on holiday.

LuchiMangsho · 03/11/2017 19:54

Also it is harder when they can't tell the time. DS1 is nearly 6 and has been pestering me for a night away with my cousin and her girls who are much older but dote on him. He understands and can tell the time, gets what a weekend is, and my cousin has looked after him (and the girls are brilliant with him) so it would work- especially since it's his idea. We are waiting for a moment when everyone can coordinate their holiday/leave to do this. I suspect DS2 who is much younger would be far more distressed because it would be more bewildering for him, but he's a baby.

gingergenius · 03/11/2017 19:58

I’m totally jealous!!! Can do come too?

mogulfield · 03/11/2017 19:59

Ive done it and would again, we had an amazing time (week in the Caribbean).
My son loved being with his grandparents for a week and they have a lovely bond.
It takes a village to raise a child, I embrace this concept where I can

geekone · 03/11/2017 20:02

We do this plenty of people give up there relationship after kids and it can have a toll. I need kid time, hubby time and me time, nothing wrong with a holiday. My DS loves staying at his grans totally spoiled rotten

geekone · 03/11/2017 20:03

Their

YellowMakesMeSmile · 03/11/2017 20:06

Do you and your partner never do anything together without your children? That would send me loopy

Not sure why its odd not to use childcare. Our children, our responsibility. Their grandparents should have the joy of seeing them without having to provide childcare to do so.

After we haven't seen the children as they have been at school, us at work etc we don't want to send them elsewhere. We socialise separately with friends, together with the chidren and get plenty of adult time once they are in bed or occasionally when they are at school or on residential trips.

Holidays are and always will be family ones whilst they are under eighteen, I can't imagine leaving them behind to miss out whilst we went away.

MistressDeeCee · 03/11/2017 20:08

I did it when DCs were aged 5&4. Had a great time but really, really missed them. Never went away without them after that. A day or 2 in UK fine, but no abroad holidays

Mumtothelittlefella · 03/11/2017 20:16

I had always said no way, couldn’t leave DC for a week but May this year DH and I were taken away to the States for a week with his work (of course, we went voluntarily )

It was bliss. We reconnected as a couple (we don’t have baby sitters on tap and don’t go out very often at all - maybe once every three months). We had fun and fell in love all over again. We all benefited. The DC (5 and 4) had a brilliant time with their grandparents. We’re booked again for next year. Do it!

juddyrockingcloggs · 03/11/2017 20:22

Nothing wrong with it no, would I do it no!

My parents left me to go away for a week once a year, never hurt me!

Whosamawotsits · 03/11/2017 20:57

I've not long returned from 10 days in America without my Ds (6yo) I am a single parent and have taken him away twice by myself and it was harder than being at home!
It was like a holiday for him being with his GPs, he loved getting presents from somewhere new and we Skyped a lot- most of the time he couldn't even be arsed to talk to me he was having so much fun!
Go away and have fun, there will be plenty more opportunities to go away with the LO

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