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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go on holiday without DS?

125 replies

BasinHaircut · 03/11/2017 14:57

Me and DH have booked a week away but are leavening DS(4) at home with his grandparents.

We took him away earlier in the year on a ‘family’ holiday that was very child orientated, but now want a more grown up break.

He is at school and we are going in term time. I’ve told him that we are going away for a week and he is having his grandparents come to take care of him and he doesn’t seem bothered.

I’ve had some weird looks and comments about our decision to go away without him but and I realise he will probably miss us (and I’ll miss him) but TBH he is hard work and I could do with a break.

AIBU?

OP posts:

MrsBonato · 03/11/2017 15:43

One of those personal choices. If you're happy with it then it's what you do.

I have issues as I remember my mother frequently going away when we were small, and older, and it left me really anxious (even though the people she left us with were nicer). I wouldn't do it with my son but have many friends that do and their kids are all fine.

PotteringAlong · 03/11/2017 15:45

I wouldn't. A weekend? Fine. A week? No.

pinkliquorice · 03/11/2017 15:52

Personally, I would never want to do that but if you and your son are fine with it, do it and have fun!
Your going to get judgy looks as lots of parents wouldn’t be able to imagine themselves ever doing that but it doesn’t make what you are doing wrong or unreasonable.

RavenWings · 03/11/2017 15:56

Sounds great to me.

He's with family, gets to spend quality time with his grandparents and you get a break away with dh to focus on yourselves. It's not wrong, just different to what others would do.

Sillysausage123 · 03/11/2017 15:56

Interesting the responses as normally people are all for couples having child free time and lots of enjoy it responses but I find if it was a single parent posting to go on holiday but leaving their children then people are very judgemental as if they are never allowed to go anywhere until their children are 18

PoisonousSmurf · 03/11/2017 15:56

Go for it! Our DDs are now teenagers and we never had the opportunity to go on holiday without kids as both sets of grandparents were either too ill or didn't have suitable homes (one lives in a cluttered house).
Your DS will have a great time being spoilt

blackteasplease · 03/11/2017 15:56

Yanbu if you can afford it without family going without.

eurochick · 03/11/2017 15:57

I couldn't do it. I work full time and I'm knackered and rushed on weekday evenings. I live for weekends and holidays, so I can spent quality time with my daughter and husband. I also have to travel for work and I miss my daughter hugely when I'm away.

Holidays are not what they were pre-kids, and I think I might do an overnight trip if I had the chance, but not longer.

Herbcake · 03/11/2017 15:58

Weekend yes, a week no. Think it's too long for him to be without you and I personally wouldn't want to be away from my 4 year old for that long. But that's me, I'm not you.

HoneyWheeler · 03/11/2017 16:02

My parents did this when I was young and although I remember feeling quite jealous I suppose it was a good reminder that I wasn’t the center of their universe!

You know your child and your relationship and are the best person to make the decision whether you think they’ll cope with it!

Skippingabeat · 03/11/2017 16:03

I've done it when my daughter was little, and my parents also did it when I was a child, leaving me and my sister with my grandma or aunt.

I never even thought there might be something wrong with doing it. I enjoyed staying with my cousins during the week and we went to the same school, and I loved my weekend sleepovers at my grandma's.

Itsonkyme · 03/11/2017 16:05

Imo nothing wrong with a week away without the dc as long as they've had a family holiday.
We always had a child -free week when our two were young and now both my daughter and son do the same.
You know, sometimes you just need to be free from child responsibility for a while. I believe it does couples good.

sonjadog · 03/11/2017 16:06

My parents did this every year throughout my childhood. It was good for them and we were fine with our grandparents. Go for it.

Leeds2 · 03/11/2017 16:06

I wouldn't do it, if I'm honest. But I wouldn't think you WBU if you did.

Pickleypickles · 03/11/2017 16:11

If it works for you and your family i wpuldnt give two flying fucks what anyone else thought.
As other have said just because someone wouldnt personally do something does not make it wrong, weird or mean.

RavingRoo · 03/11/2017 16:11

Find it odd.

Katedotness1963 · 03/11/2017 16:21

We've never gone away without our kids. We've rarely gone out in the evening without them. But we've never had family in the same country as us much. The eldest just turned 18 and I'm toying with the idea of leaving them at home for a night... Probably won't though...

littlebird7 · 03/11/2017 16:22

Everyone is different and so are the children.

I absolutely hated being left as a child (and I am close to my gp) and remember the pain of seeing my mum leave and missing her so much...still can see it now 40 odd years later....so no, absolutely no way would I leave my dc.

That said I have other friends that do, and they are happy.

Maybe DS doesn't mind because he doesn't really understand what you mean and fully understand how long it will be, and that you won't be there. Won't you miss him terribly? I just would not enjoy it.

YerAWizardHarry · 03/11/2017 16:25

I'm going away without my DS (4.5 and at school too) next week for a week. He is staying with his dad. No one batted an eyelid about his dad going to Mexico for 3 weeks or to 2 stag dos 5 days each in the same month so I think it's fine

YetAnotherNC2017 · 03/11/2017 16:28

I do it for a week, every year, with DH. We usually have 1-2 family holidays a year too though.

It’s brilliant and gives us much needed adult time.

Enjoy your holiday.

SunnyNights · 03/11/2017 16:32

I would (and have!) for a couple of days but a whole week for a 4 year is a bit much imo.

Vitalogy · 03/11/2017 16:33

I might do a weekend, not a week though.

FrancisCrawford · 03/11/2017 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Carouselfish · 03/11/2017 16:42

My DM lives with me and I went away for ten days, leaving my 2 year old in her care and exPs who came to stay. Had already had a holiday with DD and exP earlier in year in the UK.
I went to the States partly for a conference based around the subject I'd studied and to an area surrounded by wildfires. Not at all suitable for my DD.
Nevertheless I cried on the plane at not having her with me and won't do it again. DD had a wall chart of the ten days and crossed them off with Daddy and Grandma. She went back to sleeping with a dummy, so obviously needed a mummy substitute.

Original poster

BasinHaircut · 03/11/2017 18:17

Thanks for all of your responses. TBH I’m surprised it’s gone in favour of me NBU!

Of course I will miss DS and I’m sure he will feel my absence, but I don’t think it will scar him for life. He is used to going to stay with grandparents overnight and I did go away for a week when he was about 20 months but he was home with DH that time. We’ve also had a weekend or two away from him before for weddings and things.

He is staying at home and grandparents are coming to stay with him so he will have all of his things around him and will go to his clubs and school as normal. We will FaceTime most days too.

I think he is still young and won’t realise how long we have been away for. I don’t think we will get away with doing this in a year or two when he is a bit more aware so sort of making the most of it now. It’s also a holiday that wouldn’t be suitable for him so it’s go without him or not at all.

I do also think that DH and I need some couple time and that that will benefit us all as a family in the long term.

OP posts:

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