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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Breast milk is the best thing for your baby...

302 replies

Starwhisperer · 03/11/2017 12:25

Please hear me out on this one.

I know that advertising regulations are in line with the WHO advice that breast milk is the best thing for a baby until at least 6 months of age.

My issue is with the specifics in what we see and read as soon to be and new mothers.

I combi fed my first child for 18m as my supply never seemed to be where I needed it to be. The first 2 months were a hellish cycle of pumping and formula milk. I firmly believe the failure to feed as I'd wanted led to my PND. I met other mothers struggling at the time who felt the same way and there has been research done which has confirmed this.

Everytime I formula fed my baby there in front of me was the message "breast milk is the best thing for your baby". Am I being unreasonable to think that this would do more harm than good. I know it made me feel rotten. I'd have thought that by the time a mother is preparing and giving formula feeds it's generally too late to be converted to the idea of BFing. The message is either going to women entirely happy with their decision to FF or women like me who see it as a kick in the teeth because they tried their hardest and didn't get the hang of it.

I feel that instead more effort should be put in before birth to get the facts out there, all i had was ony little leaflet with no opportunity promoted to ask aboit tjings in more detail. Perhaps a blanket ban on formula advertising. They use babies as close to 6m as possible for the pictures which does far more in the way of promoting FF than a little message promoting BF on a box.

Perhaps I'm getting my knickers in a twist over nothing bit I feel the formula manufacturers are doing way more harm than good here.

OP posts:
EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck · 03/11/2017 13:59

pinkwallpaper I think breast is best is different because you feel like you're somehow harming your baby, as if you were feeding them liquidised Mars bars or something.

paniconthestreetsofdreams · 03/11/2017 14:02

Not printing it on a box doesn’t make it any less true? Surely the women will still experience the guilt which is absolutely horrible but probably unavoidable.

It’s a catch 22 situation. Everybody can’t lie or ignore a fact to protect a minority.

Surely the better issue would be to support women with PND through appropriate channels like health visitors etc rather than putting trigger warning on formula boxes?

LaurieMarlow · 03/11/2017 14:04

Not printing it on a box doesn’t make it any less true?

What's the point of putting it on a box of formula though?

Do you think that a FF mum is suddenly going to have an epiphany and think 'oh breastfeeding, why didn't I think of that?'

Starwhisperer · 03/11/2017 14:06

Just because something is a fact it doesn't need to be in your face everyday. Nothing in this thread has made me realise the benefits of the wording on packaging. I've seen many women who were harmed by it as I was and consequently I don't see the point in it being there although I understand it is a legal requirement.

OP posts:
Dreams16 · 03/11/2017 14:06

Women need to stop judging other women on whether they choose to breastfeed or formula feed it’s ridiculous this high and mighty bullshit that either group have
What matters the most is that the child is fed clean happy and loved that’s all it boils down too I too am stepping away from this thread as it will only make my blood boil the minute you have someone pipe up some shit

paniconthestreetsofdreams · 03/11/2017 14:09

Maybe.

I know plenty of women who would just have never considered breastfeeding as nobody they know does it. When I gave birth to DC my mother in law said they (she and her friends) had no idea that breast feeding was better and truly believed that formula was superior because it was presented as such.

It’s just another way to disseminate a fact. I can assure you there would be a whole host of ‘well it doesn’t say so on the box’ if it were to be removed.

AssassinatedBeauty · 03/11/2017 14:09

No, but I suppose the logic is that they would then know that there's a difference (according to the NHS/govt), and it might inform their decisions if they have another child. Or if they discuss it with family/friends, it might influence them. Of course it doesn't work and just upsets women, so it does seem pointless.

pinkwallpaper · 03/11/2017 14:10

isn’t it the same as warnings on cigarette packets? and “drink responsibly” on alcohol? do we get rid of them because everyone knows it’s not the healthiest option but its too late to say it once people have bought them

harlandgoddard · 03/11/2017 14:12

Completely agree and this was why I spent the majority of my DD’s first week alive in tears. I know it sounds ridiculous because I would have said the same before I had her. Your hormones are all over the place and midwives simply did not seem to believe or care that I was struggling (I was in hospital for a week). I had low supply too and nobody believed me until my DD was actually underweight and starving. She cried constantly and it completely ruined her first week.

80% of babies are BF at birth. Only 1% are EBF by 6 months. So obviously women are not too thick to realise breast is best, they need more support and I think telling women that actually the odd bit of formula will not affect your baby whatsoever would be a much healthier approach.

You’re right OP how anyone can suggest that a baby being EBF is more important than a new mother not feeling like shit about herself is beyond me. Maybe those who care so much about health and well-being should stop and think about mental health for a minute?

bengalcat · 03/11/2017 14:12

At the end of the day yes of course there are advantages to breast milk but the kid needs food and if breastfeeding doesn't work or a woman doesn't want to so what . Why do some people / women and women themselves beat themselves up about it .

user1471426142 · 03/11/2017 14:15

Not printing it on a box doesn’t make it any less true? Surely the women will still experience the guilt which is absolutely horrible but probably unavoidable

My guilt wouldn’t have been anywhere near as bad without the labelling. I just found it totally unnecessary. 6 months down the line I was hardly going to change my mind (and wouldn’t have been able to!). I didn’t really need the reminder.

paniconthestreetsofdreams · 03/11/2017 14:15

It’s unfair to compare to cigarettes and alcohol. Formula in a country like ours isn’t dangerous if made up correctly.

I feel though that it should be on the box because people need to be informed somehow and it’s not enough to assume they get that information elsewhere?

OP if it is not on the box where do you want people to learn about it? Some don’t have support networks, fb, internet or attend medical appointments consistently.

It should be a message that is consistently expressed because in SOME circumstances it saves lives.

Starwhisperer · 03/11/2017 14:16

Regarding the cigarette and alcohol warnings it's not too late ever to stop drinking or smoking. Once a woman has begun formula feeding it's very hard to go back so I don't feel.the two are comparable in terms of benefits etc

OP posts:
Rebeccaslicker · 03/11/2017 14:17

I am not surprised that so many people don't make it to 6 months - the first 8 weeks are brutal. Even if you're like me and you're incredibly lucky with good supply, a baby who got it and nipples that never got sore (I do have stupid massive boobs though, so unless I was at home, juggling the boobs and the baby so that she didn't suffocate and the coverup was impossible, plus all the weight was on my arms because of the stupid enormous saggy boobs - I was so jealous of friends with perky small boobs who could just sit and feed in comfort!!!) it's such hard work when they are cluster feeding and seem glued to you.

If you don't have a mother or a nanny or similar who can help so you can actually shower and do other small things, it can feel v overwhelming.

Starwhisperer · 03/11/2017 14:20

I think I'd rather see "breast feeding is best" in big letters on the front of hand held maternity notes referring to the infonwhich is invariably printed inside but maybe not always noticed.
The message is a lot easy to process and consider when you're not over tired and emotional.
The percentage of women who never, ever see a midwife during their pregnancy must be incredibly low.

OP posts:
paniconthestreetsofdreams · 03/11/2017 14:20

Plus formula isn’t dangerous if made up correctly and does t carry a warning.

It carries a simple fact that if possible one should breastfeed

It also doesn’t say you should breastfeed to the detriment of your own mental health.

It’s undoubtedly an emotional time but people are loading a fact with their own emotions and insecurities.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 03/11/2017 14:21

isn’t it the same as warnings on cigarette packets? and “drink responsibly” on alcohol? do we get rid of them because everyone knows it’s not the healthiest option but its too late to say it once people have bought them

Omg is this still going on? Alcohol and cigarettes are fucking drugs that are completely unnecessary. Formula milk is food with nutrition that when baby is not being BF is THE BEST THING FOR THEM!!!!! Jeez.

pinkwallpaper · 03/11/2017 14:21

ok not cigarettes and alcohol then but on any sweets or chocolate it has a note saying about “enjoy as part of a balanced diet” there are notes like that on everything to encourage the better option

Stringofpearls · 03/11/2017 14:22

Clearly a very controversial subject, I just wanted to say that I was not breast fed, not was my husband, nor was my best friend. I'm not saying breastfeeding isn't good, obviously, but we all turned out perfectly healthy, strong, well developed adults and I'm sure we're not the only ones. I agree its unnecessary to put such messages on packaging, you are not harming your baby if you cannot breastfeed. Indeed if you cannot breastfeed for whatever reason then formula feeding would seem to be the more responsible and caring thing to do.

paniconthestreetsofdreams · 03/11/2017 14:22

Probably, but the amount of women who are skeptics about accepting medical advice or think their own mums etc know best is probably higher.

The message should be expressed consistently across the board.

paniconthestreetsofdreams · 03/11/2017 14:23

It doesn’t say you’re harming your baby

Increasinglymiddleaged · 03/11/2017 14:24

ok not cigarettes and alcohol then but on any sweets or chocolate it has a note saying about “enjoy as part of a balanced diet” there are notes like that on everything to encourage the better option

But babies don't have a 'balanced diet' they only have milk and if they aren't being breastfed the best option is formula.

ringle · 03/11/2017 14:24

Please don't compare feeding a baby formula to smoking tobacco.

ringle · 03/11/2017 14:25

also YANBU

user1480334601 · 03/11/2017 14:25

Breast isn't best for everyone though. In my case it wasn't as I wasn't producing anything! So in my case formula was best.

As long as it's just a little small print saying breast is best etc on the packet I don't see the problem with it.

What I found worse was that at antenatal classes the midwives practically sneered the word "formula" and also the posters in doctor waiting rooms with all the diseases written on it that breastfeeding can help reduce. I felt smashing sat there with my formula fed baby reading words like cancer and cot death Angry that I supposedly wasn't protecting her from

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