Buying Christmas presents out of control

[user1497997754]

I have decided this year to only buy one present for each person in my family and said to hubby lets just buy each other something costing no more than ten pounds. It just feels that the whiole Christmas thing is about excessive amounts of presents and the true meaning of Christmas has been lost.

Ok so what's is your AIBU? Do you have young DC?

No my daughter is 33 I have 2 grandchildren 5 and 1 ....on my daughters husbands side there are lots of family ....they are heavily into buying lots of presents....they are quite wealthy....I am not but have kind of tried to keep up with them I suppose.

YANBU to buy less. The buying seems to have got out of hand. However, if the norm is to buy multiple/ expensive presents in your family, I would send a polite note to your family explaining you're looking to buy just one, small, meaningful present for each of them this year rather than spending all of your £. You may find your family are secretly feeling the same. Maybe not. But at least they get the opportunity to match their present to yours if that's what they want to do.

Past a certain age, all this gift giving is ridiculous. Especially as people are able to buy more or less what they want with the right planning. For kids it’s fine, they don’t earn their own money so everything is aspirational.

Consumable festive treats are an acceptable compromise

Can you tell them you are not going to buy presents but from now on giving an experience instead? You could plan a day trip to a park / beach with a picnic etc - take photos and share those. Do something different each year? I would rather my parents did this instead of buying so many presents

I want in to be in your position. It’s crqzy the number of people to buy for in my wife’s extended family and now that we have a DD with another DC on the way I’d rather just focus on them (in terms of giving and receiving gifts).

He point of Xmas for me is spending time together as a family, not what someone has given me - especially as I know in advance what it is because we have to give them a list.

I gave up present buying years ago. Premium bonds. Sorted.

YABU for posting about Christmas presents in AIBU

I have hidden the Christmas topic to filter out this kind of dross

HTH

When I was married to my daughters hubby it was the norm for the adults to provide Christmas lists for themselves and children. Never really got this I understand that it's nice that you know your going to get something that you would like but so unchristmasy and premeditated it took all the fun away. I think I am going to do subscriptions for a years membership to good causes...save donkeys, save whales, save bears, save dogs & cats...

Married to your daughters hubby????? Interesting

Sorry I meant daughters father lol...

I would much rather receive something small and meaningful ! My mum’s sent us all a a message to say that she won’t be spending a lot of money this year and honestly I really appreciate it.
It’s just been my daughter’s first birthday and she’s the first baby in the family for a while so she’s going to get a lot of Christmas presents as well. Idm I think people buy gifts for themselves (I certainly do!) but no one really notices if you don’t buy 100 presents! I’m making hampers this year because I have to buy for 22 families including children, I think it’s nicer because I’ve worked hard on them

YABU for posting about Christmas presents in AIBU

Who made you the forum police? I get fed up of the endless number of threads about trans issues on here, or people bemoaning child free people parking in P+C spaces (the biggest first world problem ever), but not everything on here will be to ones subjective tastes.

Buying has certainly gone a bit mad at Christmas, and it's leaking into other parts of the year. People seem to spend a fortune on Valentines, Easter, Halloween, just to 'do it right'. On the other hand, I don't think the £10 per person idea works when you have young children - going mad is one thing but I do enjoy watching kids open the things they may have waited for months to get. That's the exception for parents/kids though, other adults are not obligated in any way to spend and spend if they don't wish to.

I have cut right back and encouraged family/friends to do the same. Adult DCs - cash. Dad - I make up a big old food box of things he wouldn't normally treat himself to - buy something each week in the food shop. Mum - last year I bought her a new spade cos hers broke. Stepdad - Mum gets something hobby-related and I pay her back. DP - cash because he's saving for something specific. Don't buy for anyone else except my 2 bfs - usually something very low key like a book or unusual chutneys or craft beers.

I don't do cards. Expensive to post and a nightmare for the environment.

Mum used to be a nightmare for buying "extra little bits". This involved an A5 hardback diary (I have never used a diary), a pack of bright coloured socks (I just don't), soft-fill chocolates (Vom) and other useless stuff. Thankfully this waste has stopped after I had a polite word about 5 years ago.

"YABU for posting about Christmas presents in AIBU "

What a shame you couldn't tell from the title what it might be about & ignore it...

My sister is hard to buy for (she’s in nz, I’m in the uk) and never reciprocates. She is married, no kids, I have two kids under ten. She’s never bought for me, my husband or my children but I like to buy for them, so I do.

Last year I changed tack after her ‘returning’ my thoughtfully picked out and agonised over gifts with my mum who went out on holiday to deliver them. I bought them a charity gift, I sponsored an acre of rainforest in their name. I’ll do something similar this year too. I’m thinking midwife kits for disaster areas or developing countries maybe... or chickens or goats to help people feed themselves and their children. There’s a large website (several I’m sure) full of ideas.

Never did get a thank you, or even the gift acknowledged, but hey... that’s my sister, flipping rude! Her husband is lovely though weirdly!

The £10 pressie idea is just for me and my hubby....he has his own business works really long hours and when he gets some free time I would rather he doesn't have to feel he has to trudge round shops/ trawl Internet for ages looking for pressies for me when I would rather have his company doing something nice together....

I’d agree with a pp that it would be a good idea to mention that you intend to pull back on the spending this year and will only be buying small gifts. It’s entirely possible that other members of the extended family feel the same as you but haven’t quite worked up the courage to be the ones to broach it, it could be awkward and embarrassing if they showed up with the usual expensive gifts.

I agree it gets excessive and it’s not just the money either but the amount of time and effort in choosing gifts which, lets be honest, are often no more or less likely to be a “hit” with the receiver than the £10 gift.

OzziePopPip.....I love your ideas will look them up

It is only a big commercial spend-fest if you make it one. It has never been in my family when i was young or now as an adult.

I have 27 aunts and uncles and 36 cousins. DH is one of 6 with 8 nieces and nephews. His mum was one of 15 dc and has more uncles, aunts and cousins than me. We buy for immediate family and godchildren.

I'm a crafter and make stuff. Children get lego/playmobil/craft boxes whenever a shop has a sale. DH and i buy each other something small as it is good for our son to see partners gift each other things. I'm getting a Daft Punk CD this year

I like giving presents at Christmas!
And yes eve;if the other person already has whatever they want (like my parents), it’s the thinking abit the other person and trying to find something they will enjoy that is more important to me.

I quite like list of th8ngs you will enjoy too. For people who are hard to buy for (looking at you DH), at least you know that they will actually enjoy what they get!

However, nothing is saying that it has to be 5 presents for each person or £50+. As another posters said, consumables make very nice gifts and you can make them yourself if you want to too (so it’s cheap!)

Rollingonariver.....I will do the hamper thing for my mum she would love that

It is only a big commercial spend-fest if you make it one. It has never been in my family when i was young or now as an adult.

^^ Totally agree, have never been into huge gift list or spending excessive amounts of money on 'stuff'. In our extended family all present buying stops when children reach 18 - all teenagers get cash - sorted. . Every.single.year. we will get threads after Christmas saying people have spent too much money, got presents they don't like, children who were massively spoiled with mountains of tat that there is no room for and grumpy comments that other people didn't appreciate their 'carefully thought out gifts'.

Stop the madness, enjoy Christmas for other reasons than spending money endlessly .

OP - are you suggesting that you buy presents for your daughter's husband's family? That really would be madness.

I am not buying resents for even my own dc - they are all 20+ so will get money. Mother will get flowers. DP will get something, not expensive; prob tools! Dp will buy his own mother's and sister's presents.

I know it's not much to 'open' on the day but i will make sure we have boxes of biscuits/chocs, silly little presents (toys, socks etc) as well.

OP, how about instigating a No Unnecessary Presents Pact with your family. You need to scale things back a lot.

And for those who say 'I like to give presents', don't you realise that the recipients may not see the gift as a nice thing, but a burden, because you giving them a present makes them feel obliged to give you one back, even if they can't afford it, or don't have the time or energy for endless shopping and present choosing.

They also have to find space to store yet another item that they may not want or need and may just end up shoving it in a drawer before sending it to charity. Honestly, you may think you are doing a nice thing, but to a lot of people, the best present would be no present at all.

Adults with their own money don't need presents, especially not 'things' that need to be displayed or stored.