To reduce DDs activities because it's unfair to cart her siblings around?

[RogerThatOver]

DD is ten and loves everything to do with sport and performing. Two days per week we drive from school for 30 mins to a sports class and I take her siblings to soft play for two hours; we arrive home at 6.30. On another day I collect her sister from school while DD10 stays there to do cricket club. I take DD6 to her club then return for DD10 to take her to the older class of the same club and we wait for her for an hour in the cafe. On another day she has a club at 5 so we go to the library after school because it isn't worth driving home in traffic, then food shopping for the 90 mins she's there. On both of those nights we're not home until almost 7. On the other day she has an after school club for an hour so we usually walk the dogs nearby.

Her siblings are aged 6, 4, 3 and new born. None of them complain about all the carting DD around, and they're all really well behaved. However, I feel bad that they hardly have any time to play at home during the week, that they're up late and I feel like I spend a lot of the day preparing for after school - preparing meals/snacks/sports clothes and so don't have much time with the younger ones as a result.

I was thinking of reducing activities to three nights per week so she can pick her favourites but her dad thinks I'm being unfair - whilst simultaneously not offering to help, of course. I'm a lone parent besides DD10 seeing her dad EOW and life is ridiculously hectic. They're all happy the way things are now but they don't know any different as DD has always been busy.

What do you think - AIBU?

Jesus, MummyofLittleDragon, your comments always come across unkindly.

I think you need to make some changes..Ignore ex...It is none of his business if he isn't prepared to do them in his time.

I would tell her to list them in preference..Never mind not fair on siblings , you have a newborn so have very disturbed sleep with no one to give you a break in the day.

I think you are simply doing too much juggling..

Gingle
I know what it is to be the child, who isn’t firstborn in this scenario. And it’s not pretty. Sorry I’m not trying to hurt the op. I’m cross and it’s coming across because I’m worried that the whole situation is setting the entire household up for terrible sibling rivalry and hurt. And people are telling op to not change the status quo because of recent turmoil and that’s just so wrong because it’s been out of sync for too long. The children and their mother really need to be working together as a little family and unfortunately I’m not so sure that’s happening. The 10 yo also needs to be taught to be kinder to her mother and siblings. There just seems to be so much back to front in this family dynamic. I think they’re doing rather than being and bonding. Apologies for hurting your feelings op.

I'd look carefully at dd1's activities and prioritise them. I'd drop at least two.

I'd also shop online.

Particularly as she's not very appreciative of the effort everyone puts in for her.

This is the first thing you - and she - needs to fix. She not only has to understand this, but act on it - that means getting her own stuff ready, helping out in other situations, and doing things that aren't all about her. I would make any continuation of the status quo dependent on that. She's old enough to understand this, and old enough to take some responsibility.

Then I think DD6 does need something one night a week, as a start. Or to choose a night at home. Then see where you are by Easter, or so.

I think you need to be confident you could offer similar to all of children in the longer term- which I don't think you could either logistically or financially. My kids are doing 2 activities at the moment, we are taking a pause from swimming but will add in January. One of those is at weekends. That is plenty

you sound amazing

MummyofLittleDragon. I am guilty of a massive misjudgement. Lovely post.

Gingle
That’s fine I can understand having misinterpreted other people’s motivations before. The tone in my head must be very different from the one you’re perceiving.