To think if dh can't put the laundry away in the correct place I'd rather he didn't do it at all??

[Scabbersley]

Dh is a tidy freak. I am more laid back - we both work, have three children, we all do different sports - there are tons and tons of different sizes and types of kit going through the laundry at any one time.

I tend to wash it, and when its dry, I fold it and put it into piles. one for each dc, then one for each type of sport. I put the sports stuff away in the kit bags or dedicated baskets - eg we have a special basket where all dds football kit goes so we know where it is when we are off to training.

Dh hates the piles of laundry. Every morning when he gets up he spends 20 mins putting the piles away. Almost every time he does this he doesn't put things in the correct place - tonight dds training top was folded up small with dd2s ballet kit and put away in dd2s drawer - so I've had to go through the entire house to find it.

When I say please please can you look at what you are folding and putting away and if its sports kit can you put it in either the basket or the appropriate kit bag - he sulks, says he's doing the best he can, or usually that 'most men don't even help with the laundry'.

AIBU to think I'd rather he just left the fecking laundry alone for me to sort? Even if I get a day or so behind and the piles have to sit for a couple of days before they are sorted?

The dds do put their own laundry away, he never asks them to do it though and because he gets up first he gets to it first!!

One of the reasons I have dedicated bags is so I can put it in there without him suddenly deciding he must put it all away in random drawers where we can't find it. ARGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

He can't claim to be a tidy freak and put stuff in the wrong place

I KNOW

He actually has no idea what sports each dc has when either, so I said tonight EVERYTHING IS ON THE TIMETABLE ON THE FRIDGE IF YOU REALLY WANT TO HELP WHY NOT CHECK WHAT THEY NEED EACH DAY AND PUT IT IN THE CORRECT BAG OR ASK THEM TO DO IT

and he got in a sulk and has gone to the gym

Oh my dh is like this. Both work ft. He does his own laundry which he can’t even be bothered to take out of the washing machine 99% of the time. I do dds washing, drying, folding. By he’s so pathetic at putting it away he’s drafted in dds to tell him who’s is what. Which backfired as they told him wrong 😂 such a fool!

I think piles of laundry sitting around for a couple of days isn't great tbh.
In our house I fold up laundry into piles and everyone puts their own stuff away at the earliest opportunity - it takes a few minutes. Why not just do this?

Oh god, my DH is a bit like this. In that he claims to be much tidier than me, but his 'tidying' involves zero organisation. He's the sort of person to chuck everything in a cupboard randomly so you can't find anything, but he claims this is 'tidy' because it's out of sight. He's also pretty rubbish with washing. We have achieved the separation of whites and colours, but not the notion that not everything can go in the tumble dryer. And he is dreadful for putting clothes away in the wrong place at a very basic level: the other day I found DS1's trousers in DS2's drawer. DS1 is 4.5. DS2 is 1.5. Their legs are not comparable lengths...

This is the only domestic thing at which he is useless though, and in general we have a very even split of domestic and childcare responsibilities. I compensate for his laundry inadequacies by feigning an inability to put the bins out or empty the cat's litter tray

My dh does most of the laundry and we use the same pile method you prefer. My kids are old enough (15 and 17) to manage their own crew clothes and take their respective pile off to their room.

So YANBU. How old are the kids?

I compensate for his laundry inadequacies by feigning an inability to put the bins out or empty the cat's litter tray

I got rid of the litter tray duty during my first pregnancy due to the risk of Toxoplasmosis (despite the fact that our kitties are indoor only) and haven't touched them in 18 years. He's always done the bins.

Not to brag, but he does most of the cooking too.

I am so fucking tired of ‘help’ that makes everything fucking worse and causes more work in the long run

I ripped out carpet, I sanded and prepared the floor, I asked dh to varnish it as I was out

He did, and didn’t bother washing the brush, so now it is stiff with dried varnish. A brush that cost £5 and I could have used again and again.

He also ‘helps’ by hanging up laundry but not pulling out legs of trousers, or cuffs of shirts so that parts of the clothes never quite dry, and start to get mildewy smelling

I have told him, and he affects a hurt expression every time, ‘but I’m trying to help’

Excuse me but can anyone tell me just what the fuck are men even for?

Are you me?

Takes me ages to find anything he's put away .... drives me nuts

This week DD PJs are in her brothers draw, because they're blue and only buys wear blue right?

PE kit - DS has a rugby top, not a hoodie!!!

Where the feck are his swimming trunks and DD cold shoulder top and DDs white Tshirt? Where???

Do not give him the option of 'if you can't do it right don't do it at all' otherwise you will fall into the trap of him not doing it at all, forever.

The job needs to be done - that isn't an option and it must be completed right.

He's the sort of person to chuck everything in a cupboard randomly so you can't find anything, but he claims this is 'tidy' because it's out of sight. He's also pretty rubbish with washing. We have achieved the separation of whites and colours, but not the notion that not everything can go in the tumble dryer.

Dont get me started on the fucking tumble dryer.

"THIS IS DDS VERY EXPENSIVE NEW MATCH KIT. PLEASE DO NOT PUT IT IN THE TUMBLE DRYER AS THE TRANSFER THINGYS WILL EVENTUALLY PEEL OFF AND THE EMBROIDERY WILL GO HARD AND WEIRD"

DH: BLANK LOOK

Excuse me but can anyone tell me just what the fuck are men even for?

kids are plenty old enough to take their stuff upstairs

two of them are brilliant and really organised and like to have everything sorted

one of them is absolutely terrible at it but she does have dyspraxia bless her, she's clever but away with the fairies. We all kind of muck in to help her.

I am absolutely convinced that men do this deliberately to get out of doing work in the home and that many women enable them by taking jobs away from them when it's not done their way once or twice.

I refuse to believe that my DP can't do the laundry as well as I can - it's just a question of reading the labels, sorting it, loading into the machine with detergent and picking the right wash. He can read a recipe to cook a meal etc etc. Consequently we work together to ensure that the house runs as smoothly as we can manage.

I would LOVE to do my own laundry. He does it every morning when he gets up. Short of beating him to the washing machine or telling him to stop (wchi for some reason would cut him to the very core) theres not much I can do.

My OH does this but not with laundry he passivly aggressively hoovers when he comes in from work then moans that the floors are a mess after tea

I prefer for my DH to leave the DDs’ washing for me to sort. It always ends up in the wrong place when he sorts it.

I think piles of laundry sitting around for a couple of days isn't great tbh

Oops. My can sit around for weeks

YABU to say you would prefer it if he didn't bother. Why should you have to do it all because he is incompetent?

DH tried getting out of putting washing away by saying he "didn't know where things went". I pointed out that he could open the drawers and have a look then put pants in the the other pants etc. FFS

Then DD started trying to help put things away at 18 months old and it shamed him into making an effort, because if a toddler can do it, its really not that fucking hard is it.

I am absolutely convinced that men do this deliberately to get out of doing work in the home and that many women enable them by taking jobs away from them when it's not done their way once or twice.

Yes! When we met Dh lived at home with MIL who did everything for him. Time came for us to move in together and he learned, and learned quickly to do it properly because there's nothing more unattractive than a man who can't take care of himself and his home. It's a revolting thing many men (and women) allow to happen, perpetuating the bullshit that only women know how to do laundry or fold clothes or put things away. Nope, you just learn, asshat.

They are completely capable of learning to do things. Mine does a perfectly acceptable job of laundry (we keep it simple though, no whites) and is a better cook than I am because he likes cooking and I don't particularly.

YA absolutely NBU this would drive me insane!!!

DH is a laundry nightmare too. Only he’ll wash stuff without drying it, or leave it to crease in the tumble dryer rather than taking it out hot so it doesn’t need ironing, therefore creating hours of work for me...

I’ve told him to stop doing laundry altogether if he won’t do it properly but he still does it every fucking Sunday

Mine still drives me mad after 30+ years. He mixes up my stuff and DDs despite her being tiny and me being huge, cannot fold things as he says women's clothes are funny shapes (on account of us not being square I suppose!)

I have asked him endlessly, if he must put bedding away, to put sets together but, no, it will all be folded badly and mixed together. Knickers are never smoothed out but are dried in a lump and I hate a crunchy gussett. I refuse to let him off the hook but cannot understand how he can do things so badly for so long. I swear on my gravestone it will say "She only wanted things folded nicely"

Sounds like you have odd priorities tbh - who really cares? A bit OCD from you. Mi hate brain dead chores and pay a cleaner so would be happy for someone to do that sort of thing for me.

Put it this way, assuming there's no God and you just rot when you die, is grumbling about this level of detail on washing really how you want to spend your incredibly limited time in existence? Suggest as you both work full time you spend quality time with your kids notmicro managing laundry. What is the appalling harm avertedby up your system of having multiple piles of laundry for different sports? Re r bet there is no inherent value or accomplishment in doing laundry, even when you do it better than others -!it's just a manual chore other people pay others to do.

I'm afraid you sound like a bit of a nutter!

Erm. No. OP sounds lucid and rational to me...