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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be worrying about DS in London on his own?

119 replies

Sotuko · 01/11/2017 18:15

DS is 18 and has just started uni (in September). We live north east. He's made a few friends from down south who are studying here and has been out with them a few times.

On Sunday he came home and said he was going away for a few days - to London!!! I asked when he was going and he said "now". Within the hour he'd bought a train ticket and buggered off.

I asked him to text me when he got to Kings Cross. By my reckoning he would have got there around 11pm which is hardly a great time for some young kid who doesn't know London to be hanging around. I heard nothing so I text at 11.30 to ask if he was there yet and had he met his friends. He text back "yeah, my phone charger is broke so if you don't hear much from me, that's why".

I've not heard from him since.

AIBU to be worried sick?

OP posts:

Mummadeeze · 02/11/2017 08:27

I would be worried. He shouldn't be missing lectures. He should give you a bit more detail about his plans in case something happens to him. Who does know where he is? Not trying to panic you but even adults tell significant people their plans so that someone would be aware if they came to any harm. I would definitely text him explaining why you are worried and ask him to keep in touch a bit more. Put money in his account to buy a new charger if he needs to buy one. Hope all turns out okay. Please let us know.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 02/11/2017 08:28

Posted too soon.

With your subsequent updates I would be worried. Only because when my serious boyfriend dumped me when I was first year uni I made some bad decisions. Telling my parents wouldn’t have stopped what happened from happening but it was risky behaviour.

stonecircle · 02/11/2017 08:29

Pan - you’re missing the point entirely. It’s not so much the fact that the OP’s son is in London, but that she doesn’t know where inLondon he is - if in fact he’s there at all - doesn’t know where he’s staying or who with, has had no communication from him since Sunday, has no means of getting in touch with him AND he’s not at university when he should be. Quite a lot there for a parent to worry about.

stonecircle · 02/11/2017 08:32

Diana - yes, it is reading week for some. It is for one of mine. He’s spent a substantial amount of time this week at home ... er .... reading (ie working on his dissertation) not gallivanting!

Londonmamabychance · 02/11/2017 08:32

Poor you, OP, Is be worried too. I'm sure he's probably fine, but I do get your worry (As a v anxious mum generally, but still). What worries me is the confusing story. He is in all likelihood fine, but the whole thing does seem a bit strange. That doesn't indicate something has gone wrong just something is a bit off. It's one thing for an 18 year old to take off and not be in contact and you being pretty sure he's probably on a massively bender or the like, and not totally happy about that but at least hey, that's what it's like being 18, and him taking off and you now knowing what's up. Is he usually in contact with you frequently? Has something happened recently that could cause trouble?

sorryghadtochangeuser · 02/11/2017 08:35

Do you know any of his friends on Facebook / messenger? Could you message one of them ?

Londonmamabychance · 02/11/2017 08:35

Can you get in touch with his girlfriend and ask if she's knows what's up? Or a friend he would usually tell of his plans?

VodkaPenne · 02/11/2017 08:38

I’d also contact the girlfriend with your subsequent updates.

chloehazel · 02/11/2017 08:40

I totally understand you being worried.
Don't think a lot into him not knowing where his friend lived - whenever I go somewhere with friends and stay at an airbnb or at a friends place, I never know where it actually is, even if they say I just forget. Normally one person knows the route and that's it. (I recently left uni and done trips like this a lot)
Being home on Wednesday but now its Thursday yes I understand that you are worried but it's early morning for an 18 year old, he's probably not up yet. Let's hope he'll call in a few hours.

If no one can contact him, maybe his phone charger is really broken? Do you know any of his friends, you can drop them a message on facebook? my mum used to do this when I forgot (genuinely forgot lol) to answer her (didnt ignore her, just left my phone in my room after getting back from a trip to home, while out in the living room with my mates for hours - she would message one of my flatmates and I would feel like utter crap for letting her worried sick. Oh and she does this with my 21 year old brother too!) just a casual message like 'do you happen to know if DS is still alive?'

BadTasteFlump · 02/11/2017 08:41

I would be worried too op. You know your son and this is obviously out of character for him. Have you contacted all the friends of his you know, and his girlfriend?. I would also expect somebody that age to get a new charger sharpish - they rely on their phones too much to just do without, surely?

Hope you hear something soon op

Caulk · 02/11/2017 08:42

Facebook doesn’t have to post your location - you just turn that setting off.

NerrSnerr · 02/11/2017 08:44

How did you react when he said he was going to London? Just the way it’s written in the OP ‘to London!!!’. Is he pissed off that he feels that you’re not treating him like an adult?

bunerison · 02/11/2017 08:46

Now that you've updated, yes I would be concerned. Have you tried text, facebook, snapchat, instagram, all the possible communication points? He does need to let you know that he's ok. King Cross is North London ish, it's right next to Islington which is N1 postcode so that could be his north london thing. If he met friends in Kings Cross they could easily live in islington / stoke newington area which is walking distance from Kings Cross which would absolutely be North London Rochester is Kent I think and would involve leaving London so that's a bit more concerning. Hope you track him down and there's no excuse these days for not sending a quick text to let you know he's ok.

sashh · 02/11/2017 08:47

OK you want to know he is OK but you want to butt out of his life as well.

You could SMS with, "I know London is more expensive than here, do you want me to stick £50 in your bank?"

Of course it is going to cost you £50 but it will put your mind at ease.

juneau · 02/11/2017 08:49

I'd be worried too OP and no, YANBU. It sounds out of character, vague and a bit fishy. However, I used to 'misinform' my parents all the time about where I was when I was a teenager. Nowadays it's much harder to do that, thanks to social media, but IMO it's normal teen behaviour and just part of breaking away and being your own, independent person. But as a parent myself now, yes I'd be worried, and I'd also be suspicious that he's not really in London at all. As to what you can do, I have no idea. He's an adult, he's free to come and go, and the police aren't going to do anything on the info you have currently. Hopefully he'll make contact today before you go away. If not, is there a neighbour, friend, other DC who can keep you posted?

Shakey15000 · 02/11/2017 08:51

Even before your update this morning you were not unreasonable. It’s just common courtesy to send a quick text “All ok, staying with x in y area, back on x day”

I totally understand your concern now and second contacting any of his pals on FB or otherwise to see if they know anything.

Slim chance but does he have that Find my Phone thing? I only know as I activated it for my 10 yr old for when he goes to the park etc

caffelatte100 · 02/11/2017 08:52

Yep, the lifeline of money would be a good one to hopefully touch base with him. I'd try that for sure. Hope you hear from him soon, OP.

TerrifyingFeistyCupcake · 02/11/2017 08:52

If anything had happened to him, you would know. He is with people who know him, he will have ID on him, they would not have trouble tracing you.

It sounds like he wants to get out from under your monitoring for a while. And I can't say I blame him. He is an adult, he isn't missing lectures, he can be inconsiderate and feel his oats if he wants to.

uncoolnn · 02/11/2017 08:53

OP, if you are friends on Facebook if you click onto the about section on a persons profile, depending on what settings he has on, it will tell you a persons current location. Might be a long shot but worth a go. Hope he gets in touch soon.

uncoolnn · 02/11/2017 08:55

Ignore the terrible scribbling but this is what I mean. The “now in”. Hope that’s some use.

To be worrying about DS in London on his own?

HotelEuphoria · 02/11/2017 09:02

At first I thought he had gone off without saying much because he was following a girl he had an interest in. Then you mentioned his girlfriend. Could it still be a possibility and he doesn't want you asking lots of questions about the possible breakdown of his latest relationship, whilst he comes to terms with it?

Trafalgarxxx · 02/11/2017 09:02

I read your OP and thought ‘yep, that’s the sort of things I wouod have done as an 18yo. Decided on the spot to go somewhere and then go for it’. It was great, allowed me lots of adventures (in a positive way) nd I did/saw things I wouldn’t have otherwise (incl some once in a life time stuff)

But the rest of your posts is more worrying. If no worrying, at least try rude.
It’s normal to let people you living with know where you are and where you are coming home.
It’s normal to let people know you are ok.
And a charger is easy to find in London! So not an excuse really.

From what you say though, I suspect he has broken up with his gf and is upset. That he is trying to escape from it and doesn’t want any fact with anyone.
I hope you will get some news soon.
LATER ON, you might still want a chat about letting you know where he is. (Not for your vettoeing of course - just so you know he is ok)

Chimchar · 02/11/2017 09:10

I suffer from terrible anxiety and this would worry me.
However, the posters saying that he is ok will be right.
He sounds like he needs a bit of headspace and has gone off to clear his head or find himself.

I really hope he gets in touch soon.

confused123456 · 02/11/2017 09:12

I'm sure he will be fine. It's where I grew up. I was often out late alone. I know it's hard but I'm sure your son is fine.

Applesandpears23 · 02/11/2017 09:19

My first term at Uni I went to Amsterdam. I don't think I told my parents. This was pre mobile and my mother used to post me a petter every week to ask me to call home. What are you worried about? If he was hurt or had run out of money you would have heard from him.

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