Did best friend sabotage my hen do?

[disneydatknee]

This has been bugging me for ages. My best friend organised my hen do about 6 months ago and hardly anyone turned up. I gave her a whole list of friends to invite and not a single one attended, just her and my female family members. After the hen do, I spoke with the women that had been invited and they all said the same thing, BF had given them no details of the hen do until about a week before it was due to happen. Despite me giving her all their contact details about a year in advance when we first discussed ideas of what I would like to do. So she didn’t give them a date, time, cost etc until last minute. All of these friends are mums.They need to organise childcare and don’t have money to burn. So unfortunately couldn’t go with such short notice. They were all very apologetic and seemed genuinely gutted they couldn’t make it. They did all attend the wedding. One friend mentioned how strange BF was about the whole thing in general.

Another thing that came up. BF organised a spa day for just the two of us during the day (hen was in the evening) and I was led to believe she had paid for this out of her own pocket and was extremely grateful. She did book a spa near her (I’m 40 miles away so I had to travel down for it) but wasn’t that bothered at the time. I now find out it was actually my SIL who paid for it all. A spa day she wasn’t even invited on! They were in contact during planning as main hen do was where I live and BF doesn’t know the area well. SIL was also left to pay remainder of the bill for all the friends who couldn’t make it. Why would she treat my SIL like that?! For context, SIL is a lone parent with 3 kids. BF has two incomes and no kids.

AIBU to think she deliberately sabotaged it? She didn’t have any friends at her own hen do besides me. I didn’t organise it by the way! Her sister did. I’ve always felt like she’s trying to compete with me and now have this horrible feeling that she did it on purpose. What do you think?

She's not your friend. She's jealous of you. Back away and remain distant until she stops calling. You don't need someone like that hanging around when starting married life.

I've never understood why bride's expect bridesmaids to do all the arrangements for them? It never used to be like this?! Why didn't you do your own arrangements?

Maybe she did it on purpose but maybe not.

Hen nights are like xmases. Families have very different expectations. And some people are just hopeless at organising events. She's not a mum so she has no concept of how difficult it can be to organise childcare. As far as she was concerned they all knew the date.

They have two incomes but does it all go into a joint account? who manages the money in their house?

If she's been your BF for ages you need to have it out with her, face to face. Is one evening worth losing a good friend over? I know three people who have fallen out with friends over exactly this issue. It's so sad.

I think you already knew this women wasn’t really a good friend, been there myself, who knows why we carry on with it. She has done you a favour by cutting contact because it doesn’t sound as if you wanted to face up to doing this yourself. Perhaps you could apologise to your DSIL(if you haven’t already done so) over a nice home cooked meal. Then quietly, if you are able, save just small amounts, even if it’s just a fiver or tenner a month, so you can pay back some of the money in a eventually.

I agree with others your other freinds could have asked more details but that might be me I like know so can cover child care and know costs.
She sounds toxic tbh and from film single white female !