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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect Inlaws to babysit

101 replies

jampot · 14/04/2007 13:52

MIL and FIL have been over here since the day before our wedding anniversary in March and have still not offered to babysit their only grandchildren so we could go out. They have however asked if dh can drive them to Sheffield tomorrow to collect somehting from a friends house despite them both being able to drive.

Dh is frightened to ask them to babysit tonight in case they want to stay over (we have no spare room) so I have text them from his phone asking if they will babysit for a couple of hours. They have their phone on permanently because it is their only phone in this country. Have had no reply still after 4.5 hours.

OP posts:
dmo · 14/04/2007 13:55

my MIL and FIL are the same
my boys are 9 and 10 and desipe them living 5 mins drive away have only babysat once and we only see them birthdays/christmas

moondog · 14/04/2007 13:56

selfish fuckers

Tutter · 14/04/2007 13:57

what moondog said

ILs should, imo, be programmed to demand babysirting duties (luckily mine are)

chocolatequeen · 14/04/2007 14:05

My in laws won´t babysit either. Despite living 20 mins away and having complained bitterly that they didn´t see grandkids enough when we were living abroad. Don´t really understand, and to be honest, totally past caring. I just never really factor them into family decisions anymore. Don´t think they have earned it, or deserve it.

bonkerz · 14/04/2007 14:19

Same problem here. Inlaws live 20 mins away and are always moaning we never ask them to look after DCs and that we are too self sufficient! Asked them to have kids overnight one weekend this month and they said they cant do it! Tend to have friends babysit and then return favour!

moondog · 14/04/2007 14:19

Maybe a lot of g/parents are waiting to be asked though?
My parents don't really offer spontaneously but generally oblige when asked.

powder28 · 14/04/2007 14:20

My FIL has only been to see his grandchildren about three times and they are 1 and 2. I wouldnt ask him to babysit, I just dont think he would cope.
It doesnt matter anyway as at this moment in time he is in Russia. He said he was going there to 'meet somebody' so I expect in a few weeks time i will have a new russian mil!

Gobbledigook · 14/04/2007 14:21

Hmmmm. Nice.

Similarly to MD - my parents don't offer either but usually will if asked. They don't live locally though.

littlelapin · 14/04/2007 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

beckybrastraps · 14/04/2007 14:24

Why not ask them? Out loud I mean, rather than by text.

Are they nervous perhaps? I know my MIL was scared of my dd when she was smaller.

Unless you ask,you won't know...

Original poster
jampot · 14/04/2007 14:27

I realise its our decision to have children and they never do babysit ever. However they are happy to call on us to collect/drop off at airport, when they want to stay over to catch early flight etc. After all it was their decision to move to Spain.

They asked dh to drive them to sheffield because FIL doesnt really like driving and MIL just doiesnt want to. They will be going during the day so night driving not an issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
jampot · 14/04/2007 14:29

I text them because whenever we do ask it is dh who asks them. He wont ask because he simply cant refuse his parents demands/requests

OP posts:
chocolateface · 14/04/2007 14:29

My MIL is just the same. We once asked out of desperation. When she came back to us and said yes, if we really couldn't find anyone else, DH was very nearly in tears.

Gobbledigook · 14/04/2007 14:31

God, it is odd though isn't it? I mean, nobody should feel obliged to look after their grandchildren but I don't understand why they don't want to.

Blimey, in the evening they aren't even going to see them! What else are they doing in the evening. Won't they just be watching TV or reading a book but in a different house?!

littlelapin · 14/04/2007 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
jampot · 14/04/2007 14:34

we have left them on their own once before but to be honest i didnt really relax and we need to talk about loads of stuff so would prefer an adult here just to help me relax. Its not as thought hte children are little so dont have to do nappies/bottles/bed etc just fulfil a legal obligation really

OP posts:
beckybrastraps · 14/04/2007 14:35

Why don't you ask them? Just say 'I'd love to surprise dh and take him out for dinner. Are you free one night to look after the children for us?' I don't know how young your children are. Mine are 5 and 3 and I could add that I could have them in bed before we left. And that you'd give them a lift back afterwards. Bite the bullet!

Original poster
jampot · 14/04/2007 14:35

they live about 40 minutes away when they're here so really wouldnt do the lift back to be honest. |Children are 14 and 10

OP posts:
beckybrastraps · 14/04/2007 14:36

Ah, X post. I guess yours are older then!

Twiglett · 14/04/2007 14:37

to expect .. yes you are totally unreasonable

to request .. that's not unreasonable

as my mother is wont to say 'they're your kids'

you cannot expect things of other people, but you can request

beckybrastraps · 14/04/2007 14:39

X post again.

Perhaps the 40 minute drive at the end of the evening, when they aren't mad keen on driving, is what is putting them off. I wouldn't be ecstatic about it myself.

I think if you want them to babysit, it is reasonable to invite them to stay.

Original poster
jampot · 14/04/2007 14:40

dh often points out that MILs own mother used to have dh overnight every Friday so they could go out and would often babysit in the week. He is surprised she doesnt remember how valuable that was

OP posts:
beckybrastraps · 14/04/2007 14:43

Ah. You want the children to stay with them? Could that work? Have to say it is my favourite of all babysitting options

Original poster
jampot · 14/04/2007 14:46

no i dont want them to stay with them - they dont have room nor clearly the inclination.

OP posts:
littlelapin · 14/04/2007 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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