To think that if you can’t afford to pay maintenance...

[WhoWants2Know]

Then you can’t afford to take the kids abroad on holiday?

In brief, the amount of maintenance ExH pays is around half of the CMS minimum recommended amount. Because he is servicing debts, he feels it’s all he can afford, and complains of being skint.

He’s asked if he can take the girls on holiday somewhere warm and sunny during spring half term.

My initial response was that while I would hate being apart from my kids, I understand that it’s not a good reason to object.

But after thinking about it, AIBU to think that it’s a really cheeky thing to ask? How is it ok to skimp on maintenance and then spend money on a holiday for himself and the kids?

I do struggle financially and the money he doesn’t pay is missed.

But if I say no, I’ll be standing in the way of the experience for them. No idea what to say.

Sorry, but you're doing your kids out of maintenance by not going through the CMS - he's clearly realised you're a soft touch, time for a reality check.

It is cheaper I think to go abroad than holiday in the UK but that's really not the point at all. He's shorting you on maintenace to the tune of 14K because he has debts but is increasing his debt so he can go on holiday?

Best of luck with the CMS.

Well you gave him a chance and he blew it.

Get on to CMS first thing.

This ^

OP, you're not doing this for YOU. It's for your children. It's all about what they're entitled to. Stand up for them.

Tell him that he can take them wherever he wants so long as he pays a reasonable amount if maintenance.

Reading this is like reading about my own life!

Go to the CMS op, I will be!

My father did this. I've just realised what an awful thing to do it actually is.
Go through CMS. He should pay maintenance!

Remember. You're not standing up for yourself. You're standing up for your DCs. I'd wager you're much better at standing up for them.

CMS first thing tomorrow. Or start the ball rolling tonight if you can.

He’s a self righteous, selfish, irresponsible twat and you’re way better without him.

Can they get back what he owes you while it was a private agreement or does it start from when you put in the claim? I don’t know how it works but other people will.

It’s a difficult one as the holiday will benefit the dc (and him of course). But if the dc basic needs aren’t being met due to his shortfall in child maintenance then the CM should come first all the time.

As for credit cards, isn’t he paying you less because he’s already servicing some debt?

If he gets himself in even more debt via the credit card. Then it’s actially YOU and your dc who will pay for his holiday

What A CF! As previous PP have said, don't forget that you are doing this for your kids.

You've done well,now you just need to take the final step

Go through CMS. I’d let him take them on holiday, but only if buys the luggage, necessary clothes, sun protection products, spending money etc. About time he stepped up to the reality of being a proper parent.

It’s not “a difficult one”. When ex is paying the proper amount of maintenance, OP can take the DC abroad. As can ex, when he’s able to save up himself.