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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to expect nursery to get on with it?

133 replies

Adelina15 · 31/10/2017 08:12

DD, age 2.5 attends a full time day nursery. Last week we were on holiday in U.S., came home on Sunday. On Monday we slept in (probably jetlagged, exhausted aftrr the travelling etc) and we didnt get DD dropped off until 11.40am. Staff asked if she needed a lunch- yes- it was 11.40am- presumed lunch was at least after 12.

On collecting her staff 'had a word' about phoning in if she was going to be late so they could keep her a lunch. Explained that we had slept in but I would endevour to do this in future. Again when I dropped her off this morning the manager reinforced that we should phone if late, but then threw in about the days she visits her grandparents.

Once every 6-8 weeks DD spends a day with her grandparents. Nursery are always told 2-3 days in advance that DD will be having a day off. This has never been an issue.

AIBU to think I pay enough for her nursery place, which is over the odds locally, to not listen crap like that? Shes been going for 2 years without issue. AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:

BLUESEAPARADISE · 31/10/2017 08:41

You should definitely phone In if your going to be late / not going to turn up because they couldn't planned a walk or a trip eg to the library with the children and cancelled it because they were not sure when your daughter ( if at all) was going to turn up.

SleepingStandingUp · 31/10/2017 08:42

. I think they should have expected her for her lunch ridiculous comment considering you didn't take her in until last 11. That late is have called nursery, explained and fed her, taking her in for the afternoon.

However there's no need for them to keep laboring the point assuming them knew why she was late and isnt normally.

What point did they make about the grandparents? Just to let them 1know? Again if you always do there's no need to labor the point.

I wonder if you were very dismissive and they thought you weren't listening

Ecureuil · 31/10/2017 08:43

It was very reasonable of them to have not prepared a lunch if she still wasn’t there at 11.30am. They’re not going to potentially waste a whole meal on the off chance the child is going to turn up.
Apart from anything else, it’s just good manners to let them know if you’re going to be massively late, regardless how much you pay for something. I don’t see why they should ‘suck up’ bad manners.
Not sure about their issue with the grandparents visit though if you’re letting them know in advance.

HumphreyCobblers · 31/10/2017 08:43

presumably they need to know earlier in the day in order to process her lunch order, to tell the kitchen how many sausages or whatever to cook. People need notice to cook stuff.

Youshallnotpass · 31/10/2017 08:45

"Lucky they accepted her at all"??? I pay huge fees for her to have a full day place 5 days week. Its not good luck that they provide the service.

Don't be ridiculous.

You pay nursery fees yes but you accept certain terms and conditions when you sign up. They would be well within their rights to refuse a child who is I assume 2-3 hours late.

Wightintheghoulies · 31/10/2017 08:46

"Lucky they accepted her at all"??? I pay huge fees for her to have a full day place 5 days week. Its not good luck that they provide the service.

The service they provide is dependable on the reliability of the service users. Just as if your child went to private school, just because you're paying it doesn't mean you get to set the rules. By not informing them, they didn't know whether to prepare lunch for her or not. That's your fault not theirs, and you have no right to get cross when they pull you up on it.

splendidisolation · 31/10/2017 08:46

Unreasonable. It would really piss me off you dropped her off at 11.40. Like you couldn't be fucked to make her lunch yourself so just about made it in time for lunch at the nursery. Really irritating.

wowbutter · 31/10/2017 08:49

Back in the day I was a cook in a nursery.
I took numbers after morning registration, at 9.30am and then cooked, to be served at 11.30am.
If you don't turn up, staff assuming you are not coming.
Frequently kitchen staff are expected on rota over lunch to cover staff lunches. So, who is going to go and cook your dd another meal?
Just call next time, or apologise if you don't.
Just because you are paying for so,thing doesn't mean you get to be a huge ass about it. They're still people, with procedures and things to do. They're not your slaves.

Sally52014 · 31/10/2017 08:50

You sound painfully arrogant. The nursery is providing a service and in order for it to work well for everyone, they need to know of any possible changes to usual routine. Your child isn't the only one attending. Have some basic consideration and manners

WitchesHatRim · 31/10/2017 08:51

"Lucky they accepted her at all"??? I pay huge fees for her to have a full day place 5 days week. Its not good luck that they provide the service.

If you continue to mess them about they could withdraw their service and remove the place.

YABU and coming across as quite arrogant.

PumpkinPie2016 · 31/10/2017 08:51

Sorry but YABU - my son goes full time to nursery and on an odd occasion we have had an appointment in the morning I have always let them know he will be late. I also always tell them if he will not be in for any reason. If he is I'll, I ring in the morning and tell them - it's good manners and allows them to plan.

We're you and your husband going into work late? If not, why send her at all?

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 31/10/2017 08:55

Maybe they should raise their fees to account for all the wasted food they'll have when they just assume a child is still coming despite the fact it's almost midday and the parents haven't bothered contacting them 🤔

disahsterdahling · 31/10/2017 08:56

I think people are being quite harsh, nursery places are really expensive and they do it as a business to make money so there are times when you feel like they're running it for their benefit rather than their customers.

However, if a child is going to be late you need to call in and let them know. It could be that they are short-staffed that day but if they know your child is not coming in, or will be late, that it makes it easier to manage, your child missing could be the one child that makes the difference to ratios etc.

I assume that if your dd was ill you'd call in so this is the same. Obviously you overslept and that can happen to anyone. I think it was ok for the nursery to say can you let them know in future but on the other hand, once you'd explained the oversleeping they didn't need to mention it again.

The grandparents thing is very odd. As long as you let them know, that's all they need. You're paying for a place and it's entirely down to you whether you use it all the time.

And to those calling the OP arrogant etc please stop the personal attacks. It's not big and it's not clever. You can make your point without being personally insulting.

user789653241 · 31/10/2017 08:56

Just plain rude to turn up late without informing, and expect them to just get on with it.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 31/10/2017 08:57

Wow, you're rude

GlitterGlue · 31/10/2017 08:58

Not unreasonable of them to assume she wasn't going to be in if she hadn't arrived by mid morning.

Unreasonable to comment about her having the day off with grandparents. You give notice and they still get paid.

WitchesHatRim · 31/10/2017 08:58

And to those calling the OP arrogant etc please stop the personal attacks. It's not big and it's not clever. You can make your point without being personally insulting

It isn't a personal attack. It is the way the OP is coming across. and you aren't the thread police

Rachie1973 · 31/10/2017 09:01

disahsterdahling there are times when you feel like they're running it for their benefit rather than their customers.

They are. Its a business. I don't go to work for my customers benefit. I go for my benefit, to earn a wage to support my family. The fact that its what I want to do is a bonus.

Wightintheghoulies · 31/10/2017 09:01

And to those calling the OP arrogant etc please stop the personal attacks. It's not big and it's not clever. You can make your point without being personally insulting.

It's not an attack to point out that a person is behaving arrogantly. To turn up somewhere late, quite possibly breaking T+Cs, expecting food to be served even though they probably weren't expecting you at this point, then getting arsy about it instead of accepting that it was rather presumptuous to think lunch would still be available with that level of lateness, is quite arrogant.

murmuration · 31/10/2017 09:02

Given they said something about needing to 'keep her a lunch', I imagine she'd probably missed it. Our nursery had lunch at 11am! And if you'd just gotten back from abroad, and assuming they knew you were away (as she wouldn't have been there last week), they most likely guessed you had been delayed or weren't actually coming that day - this is what I'd hope they'd guess when we were stuck in Atlanta overnight with no way to phone, for example. So they were right to ask that you let them know asap about her coming an needing lunch that day - even 20 minutes could have a made a difference there, if lunch was 11:30 and they learned at 11:20 instead of 11:40.

But complaining about times you don't attend with notice is a bit weird - although 2-3 days notice isn't that much. I would try to give nursery at least a week or several weeks notice if you actually know it. If they know less kids will be there, they can figure that into assigning staff holidays. But 2-3 days probably isn't enough to schedule that.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 31/10/2017 09:02

YABU. I can't imagine just rocking up to nursery halfway through the day without informing them first. A simple phonecall would have solved the whole issue and nursery were right to speak to you about it.

Heatherbell1978 · 31/10/2017 09:03

There’s late and then there’s late! My DS is normally dropped off around 8am. Late is me dropping him off around 8.20am. 11am would be an assumption on their part that he’s not coming in and I hadn’t bothered phoning.
I also pay huge Nursery fees btw as I assume most people with children in private Nursery do. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t treat the staff with some respect as they have many children to cater for and their own routines to manage.

Ellendegeneres · 31/10/2017 09:04

We had parents like you where I used to work. It's the kids we felt sorry for.
Registration was complete by 9, (hot) lunch numbers taken by 10. If at 10.30 they were informed of late child, lunch could be done. Any later, the parents advised to bring back for afternoon session.
Quite frankly you chose the more expensive nursery, it's your problem if they're more costly. They have terms and conditions, either follow them or find somewhere else. Your arrogance is almost unbelievable, had I not dealt with versions of you and your entitlement I'd think this were a reverse.

Willow2017 · 31/10/2017 09:05

Your child was hours late.
You didnt do them the courtesy of calling to tell them what had happened and that you were on your way.

How on earth were nursery to lnow you would rock up at lunchtime? They need to know about numbers for lunch way before that.

If one of my parents had done that i could have been out when you arrived at my door as i would be presuming you werent coming.

They are not mindreaders use your common sense. They arent actually there for your convenience you have to abide by their terms and be a but considerate. Its a 2 way relationship. Consideration on both sides.

Mentioning the other days was a but ott if you always let them know.

Ellendegeneres · 31/10/2017 09:06

They run a company. They are not your paid minions. If you want people who run to your schedule without other kids and their needs being taken into account, I suggest you look to hiring a nanny. Even a childminder wouldn't put up with that.

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