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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder how many people have CFS/ME?

278 replies

millionsmissing · 30/10/2017 16:15

Recently a close family member has been diagnosed with ME. It's an awful illness that is stealing her youth.

She doesn't speak about it because of the stigma and lack of any available treatment or research into possible treatment.

She has resigned herself to having to live with this condition, probably for ever. She went from being active, fit and doing a job she loved to being unable to read, drive, hold a conversation without losing the thread of what she was saying. This happened, quite literally, overnight.

When she was first diagnosed she learned that many people with this condition find themselves so ill they are unable to get out of bed for years. She is lucky in that she is not as ill as many people are. But she doesn't know if she will ever again be able to hold down any full-time job, let alone one that allows her to use the skills she has worked hard to develop.

It's an invisible illness.

No-one sees her when she is feeling really unwell. She stays in her room, with the lights dimmed, and the heating on, whatever the weather, wearing the big jacket she no longer needs for mountaineering. She has all the kit for this illness, hats, gloves, down jackets and sleeping bags - she never thought they would be used for this.

Most people have no idea how ill she is, she only sees them when she is well enough to power through on adrenaline.

She doesn't look ill. People are constantly telling her how glad they are she is better when she is well enough to socialise. She has stopped telling them she isn't because they can see for themselves that she looks fine and so they assume she is either lazy or a hypochondriac.

But the energy used on not looking ill costs her days as she recovers enough energy to function again. She often finds herself without the energy to stand up for long enough to have a shower.

So AIBU to wonder how many others suffer from this condition and to be outraged that we are not researching like crazy to find the biomedical causes of this illness that is stealing the lives of so many?

OP posts:
BananasAreGood · 07/11/2017 09:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WoodYouBeHappy · 07/11/2017 09:37

Bananas Yes. This was probably because at appointments I was feeling so physically sick and thought I was dying, that I often cried throughout...so appearing a bit... 'unhinged/depressed'.

It was actually depression and anxiety, triggered by becoming chronically sick overnight and no-one (medical or family) taking me seriously. Also because I had undiagnosed POTS and was actually suffering tachycardia and oxygen shortage to the brain sitting upright. I couldn't work out why my brain wouldn't 'work' during these appointments.

As the years go by and I understand more about ME and my body, I have been able to accurately describe to HCP's how the severe depression arrives when I have a severe relapse/fever and disappears as soon as the symptoms wane to 'just fatigue'.

The generic depression and anxiety I've had due to losing my career, social life, mobility, family chances etc are now taken care of with SSRI's. I did NOT want them on my medical record as I was aware how some HCP's still view ME as psychosomatic, but I had no choice in the end. I urge anyone reading this and suffering to not put it off as long as I did. SSRI's have really helped.

Last lesson I learned. If you have any mental health history in your family, you do not have to share it with HCP's. This has cropped up on virtually everyone of my letters, alongside vague statements about not knowing why my symptoms are so severe.... "especially as Ms A's test results are all clear" Hmm

Bananamanfan · 07/11/2017 09:43

I became ill aged 11 & diagnosed at 12. I started to get a bit better at 14. I think it's still with me at a low level; I think i get fatigued more than other people, but i have 3 children, work 3 days a week and have a nice life.

Bettyspants · 07/11/2017 09:44

I work in medicine and very much believe that in the future there will
Be better diagnostics AND therefore treatment for ME. At present diagnosis is varied and sometimes a last resort rather than being entirely accurate or appropriate. If it's any encouragement for the future I work with a medical consultant with the condition ( she had her first relapse in 8 years 2 years ago and has been back at work for 5 months part time) plus a nurse who is a single mother, works part time and dispite never feeling as well as she did 10 years ago manages incredibly well.

WoodYouBeHappy · 07/11/2017 09:44

Argh, too many Bananas Grin. My poor ME brain

Bettyspants · 07/11/2017 09:47

As a HCP I would strongly advise NOT holding back famil or personal history of mental health problems. Yes there is unfortunately still a stigma from those who are not up to date but thankfully these incredibly bias views are becoming few and far between. On the contrary there is often very valid links assisting in diagnosis, I've found this particularly true in patients I've referred myself.

WoodYouBeHappy · 07/11/2017 09:55

Good Morning Nightshirt Brew Flowers

You are a noodle pushing on through pain last night to post all that Grin I am just the same! I hope you are resting well today? Thank you so much for joining all the dots on that research. It's been enlightening to read & I'll cache that away in my Tower of ME/CFS Research Grin

Gah, skimmed that "Thirty Years of Disdain, How HHS and a Group of Psychiatrists Buried ME". How depressing. I wonder if any of these earlier HCP's now have family/friends with ME and feel some guilt over their actions.

I want to reply properly to everyone, but am tiring now. Always hope that these threads become a ME/CFS support group, but the reality is that many of us are holding on to life by our fingertips and we have to choose between posting and living.

But I do want to add, I specifically joined Facebook (not a fan) to register with many ME/CFS support groups. I have never posted but dip into them when I'm feeling isolated. Between them all, there are a wealth of excellent articles and new research releases which keep me hopeful.

Nightshirt · 07/11/2017 15:08

Thanks @Bettyspants. ME is on a spectrum from mild to very severe. No thorough epidemiological studies have been done, but for now it is suggested, a small minority make a complete recovery, and that will usually happen in the first few years, a good amount make improvements from initial onset yet are still ill and would be classed as mild to moderate with significant limitations. There seem a subset who can have periods of almost full remission then relapse again. Then there is the 25% who are severely affected from mainly housebound to the very severe - bedridden, need to be in dark rooms due to severe sensory problems, all but mute and tube fed. I am bedridden 24/7 but there are others worse than me and of course others much better than me.

Thank you @WouldBeHappy, glad helpful. Would love to comment more but I can type v little at the mo, increases nerve and head pain and sensory sensitivity badly v quickly, some days can't type at all, or dictate to my carer, so won't be able to much. Love to everyone on here.

Nightshirt · 07/11/2017 15:10

Ps duh, sorry brainfog, sorry for spelling wrong, I mean @WouldYouBehappy

Nightshirt · 07/11/2017 15:13

Ps anecdotally young people see to have a greater chance of remission/almost or complete full recovery if not pushed to exceed their individual narrow activity limits when ill. Again recovery not guaranteed in this age group but higher chance.

Nightshirt · 07/11/2017 15:23

@Bettyspants, forgot to add I have had ME for 19 years. First few years moderate, then severe - from very severe to top end of severe these last 13 years. Currently have been bedridden 24/7 for five years, can mobilise on to a chemical toilet by my bed but no further. My worse was was for 16 mths ten years ago when I was bedridden then too and could barely speak, never be online. My heart goes out to those like that for years.

Nightshirt · 07/11/2017 15:31

Finally, just wanted to add, I know all levels of ME have their challenges and difficulties, though obviously those living in dark rooms, mute, in agonising pain and being tube fed are experiencing a level of hell that no human should have to go through.

Nightshirt · 07/11/2017 16:44

Briefly, truly last post :) @WouldYouBeHappy u wrote

Thirty Years of Disdain, How HHS and a Group of Psychiatrists Buried ME". How depressing. I wonder if any of these earlier HCP's now have family/friends with ME and feel some guilt over their actions.

There are some slow positive shifts but it is still happening here and in the US.

Nightshirt · 07/11/2017 16:47

Ps Reeves and Strauss at CDC and NIH both died in their 60's in last few years. Did not change their flawed views. Not harmed Simon Wessley's career here in UK. Now a Sir!

WiseDad · 07/11/2017 19:09

@nightshirt. Thanks for the compliment.

Have some reading to do above given the detailed posts. Have avoided the ME charity and support sector until now but given how rough I have felt following the GET programme I was set I am reading up on therapy and eveidence myself. How shall I put it... there are setbacks in recovery but I am getting worse as I follow the "exercise even when you don't feel like it" mantra.

My three year anniversary of full blown sickness this week. Have come back from bed bound to four day in office one day from hom3 single parent (with aupair - wife lives and works a long way abroad). It can be done but by God it is rough.

Nightshirt · 07/11/2017 20:33

@wisedad, research is showing there is metabolic dysfunction in pwme. As patients have shared repeatedly, graded exercise therapy for pwme have made many worse. It's vastly inappropriate and based on the flawed biopsychosocial model of ME promoted by a group of influential psychiatrists. Please be careful. You are to be blunt risking deterioration. I was a huge exercise junkie before ME, but you must respect your limits. Van Ness and his team in America are doing interesting work and research with mild to moderate ME patients making sure they do any activity within their individual limits through CPET exercise testing. The aerobic metabolism pathway in ME is dysfunctional. Link here me-pedia.org/wiki/Workwell_Foundation

May I ask who did you do GET with?

Also read this site for how harmful GET can be. www.stopget.org

Good luck.

FunderAnna · 07/11/2017 21:25

In case this is helpful to some people, I'll tell you that I started to have severe ME when I was 26. I began to experience some improvement when I was in my early thirties, though things were up and down for a while.

By the time I was 35 I was leading a pretty normal life. I met my partner, became a stepmother and later a mother. I worked both part-time outside the home and on a freelance basis at home. I went hill walking, resumed cycling and yoga and from time to time did running. (I've completed various 10k races.)

People's experience of ME/CFS/post viral fatigue syndrome is enormously various.

It is very sad that for some people it is chronic and highly limiting illness, and that the condition is so poorly understood..

But for others of us it does eventually go...

Nightshirt · 07/11/2017 21:50

Thank you @FunderAnna. Glad you have your health back.

It is very sad that for some people it is chronic and highly limiting illness, and that the condition is so poorly understood..

More research needed but research done so far and anecdotally suggests it's a lot more than some of those who fit ME ICC criteria for whom it is chronic. I acknowledge a few get to remission, thankfully. Ramsey who studied it for 30 odd years made it clear that ME is a separate entity to post viral fatigue which can be long lasting but ultimately people recover from pvf. The numerous case definitions have confounded research. Bottom line much more bio medical funding needed and consistent better case definition used in research, but neither still not happening.

Nightshirt · 07/11/2017 23:19

Correction from above, brainfoggy. Sentence should be - "More research needed but research done so far and anecdotally suggests it's a lot more than some who remain chronically ill for those who fit ME ICC criteria". Link to ICC criteria here www.meassociation.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/ICC-short-version.pdf

FunderAnna · 08/11/2017 07:11

I think for those people who are in the middle of an illness of this type, it is highly confusing. There's a range of symptoms and a variety of diagnostic labels - though a shortage of diagnostic tests.

The kinds of remedies/therapies/treatments provided by both the medical establishment and alternative practitioners are equally bewildering.

I really do not like remembering it!

Looking back, I'd say some kind of acceptance of the practical day to limitations is essential. Assuming that every unproven 'treatment' is a 'cure' is also unwise.

But I don't think that despair helps.

It's a bit like reading Mumsnet on marriage. You hear more about the really really bad relationships, because it's the people in the most difficult situations who have particular need of online support..

There is a range of scenarios which does include the possibility of improvement even after years of severe illness.

Kindness from others was the thing that helped me most.

Headisinsand · 08/11/2017 07:56

I have been given this soul destroying diagnosis having rarely been well since childhood. I have also been lucky enough to find something that helps considerably! I discovered by coincidence that doxycycline helps and managed to convince my GP to prescribe it. Without it I could not work as get brain fog so bad I could hardly speak in sentences, constant pain and exhaustion.

WiseDad · 08/11/2017 08:01

It's a bit like reading Mumsnet on marriage
Made me laugh. Yes indeed this is a very apt analogy. People recover. People have problems. Marriage issues will be due to choices, good and bad, that have been made though. Can't say that is the case for ME/CFS patients.

FunderAnna · 08/11/2017 08:27

I'm thinking about that marriage analogy. Obviously we do choose our partners, but at the same time those choices are often shaped by our earlier experiences.

Looking back, I feel that events in my early life contributed to there being a time where my immune system was not in good shape.

I think a very difficult childhood with parents who were in some ways significantly abusive got me off to a troubled start. Obviously the choices I made as a young woman - study, relationships, jobs - were in some ways my own. On the other hand they were also a reaction to/conditioned by the damaging experience of my childhood.

Illness was in no sense 'a choice'. I'd not have chosen that experience a million years. The dependence and isolation and problems with the benefit system and housing only added to the problems I'd been having.

But I was fortunate to have some interesting and well-intentioned people in my life at that time

Looking back, the period of illness did also give me a chance to step off a particular kind of destructive path. As I started to get better my life took a rather different course.