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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder how many people have CFS/ME?

278 replies

millionsmissing · 30/10/2017 16:15

Recently a close family member has been diagnosed with ME. It's an awful illness that is stealing her youth.

She doesn't speak about it because of the stigma and lack of any available treatment or research into possible treatment.

She has resigned herself to having to live with this condition, probably for ever. She went from being active, fit and doing a job she loved to being unable to read, drive, hold a conversation without losing the thread of what she was saying. This happened, quite literally, overnight.

When she was first diagnosed she learned that many people with this condition find themselves so ill they are unable to get out of bed for years. She is lucky in that she is not as ill as many people are. But she doesn't know if she will ever again be able to hold down any full-time job, let alone one that allows her to use the skills she has worked hard to develop.

It's an invisible illness.

No-one sees her when she is feeling really unwell. She stays in her room, with the lights dimmed, and the heating on, whatever the weather, wearing the big jacket she no longer needs for mountaineering. She has all the kit for this illness, hats, gloves, down jackets and sleeping bags - she never thought they would be used for this.

Most people have no idea how ill she is, she only sees them when she is well enough to power through on adrenaline.

She doesn't look ill. People are constantly telling her how glad they are she is better when she is well enough to socialise. She has stopped telling them she isn't because they can see for themselves that she looks fine and so they assume she is either lazy or a hypochondriac.

But the energy used on not looking ill costs her days as she recovers enough energy to function again. She often finds herself without the energy to stand up for long enough to have a shower.

So AIBU to wonder how many others suffer from this condition and to be outraged that we are not researching like crazy to find the biomedical causes of this illness that is stealing the lives of so many?

OP posts:
WoodYouBeHappy · 01/11/2017 17:14

Some inspiring posts here, in very difficult situations. Insidious is an excellent description for ME. Star to that pp.

Can I just say @SergeantAngua I think you have added lots of wisdom there about enjoying life as it is now. I'm clearly a slow learner as it's taken me nearly 4 years to accept where I am now. Grin For now. Focusing on the positives around me and repeatedly not trying to get back to a 'normal' life has really improved my health & outlook. Struggling in the 'quicksand' I think made me worse. Difficult I know when there are dependents and bills to pay.

Good luck to everyone with your recoveries, wherever you are along the journey. Flowers

And email that Unrest link to everyone you know and keep spreading the word so we're not forgotten.

Mamamagellanic · 01/11/2017 20:29

The way I try and think is this- I woke up this morning to a continuation of a bad crash brought on by illness. It’s really bad this time. It feels like my legs have no muscles, they shake when I walk. Despite this I did manage to get DD on the school bus. I did manage to put the online shopping away, even if it took hours. I even managed to change a lightbulb. This is amazingly productive considering I’m in the worst state I can remember being in since 2015.

Everything becomes a little win when you have ME. Getting up, brushing your teeth, standing long enough to make a cuppa. You really learn to appreciate the little things.

I still count myself lucky. I’m lucky I’m not bed bound and feel desperately sorry for those that are. The fear that I could be one day momentarily fills me with dread. I have no way of pacing.

The fact the medical profession isn’t up in arms about having patients like us makes me wonder what those above them know that we don’t.

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 01/11/2017 22:37

Away YES!! I would love this to be a mumsnet campaign as the majority of thyroid issues and auto immune sufferers are woman and most endocrinologits are men who often totally dismiss them.

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 01/11/2017 22:46

@floralnomad When I next see my endo in December I’m going to ask him to see dd privately and do cortisol and thyroid function tests just to check that she’s not headed down this well trodden path Flowers good luck with the appt for your DD. I've read that a 24 hour 4 point saliva test is the most reliable for cortisol so try to push for that if poss.

@TammyswansonTwo and to those asking about how to get better thyroid treatment, I have been reading Stop The Thyroid Madness and have joined some groups on Facebook, with admins who can help you to decipher private blood tests - its a lot of research and also some expense, but to feel better it's so worth it.

There are groups on gut health, hormones, adrenal issues etc and they are all interlinked, as is Lyme Disease and 'mono' or EBV (what the Americans call Glandular Fever).

I would advise everyone to take their own health into their hands, we shouldn't have to, but we are so limited on which tests and medications we are allowed that we are left living half a life Sad STTM is a great place to start.

Flowers to all of you - soldiering on through it all. xx

WiseDad · 02/11/2017 05:59

@mamamgallenic. Me too! Massive crash. Am supposed to be workng from home but can barely get out of bed. Reading is exhausting as I can't focus my eyes or my mind. Worse I have been for a year.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/11/2017 11:47

I collapsed at School pick up yesterday afternoon. Parents coming up to me. All rushing to get me salt. The head came out and everything... And of course always one, who wants to call an ambulance. Hardly able to speak, I’m saying “no ambulance, no ambulance”.

Feeling really wobbly today.

WoodYouBeHappy · 02/11/2017 12:44

Flowers Mummyoflittledragon & WiseDad & anyone else suffering.

I'm thinking we should type up little communication cards that we can show to people during relapses. Grin. I think half my 'stress' when I am so poorly is not being able to make people understand me or explain to them how they can help. DH can just about interpret my grunts, scowls and one word whole sentences Grin

Also heading towards crash (post PIP) Sad .... I was enjoying the adrenaline Wink

Hold on to your spoons people, the winter approaches Brew

WiseDad · 02/11/2017 13:12

@woodyoubehappy. Cards. Good idea provided I can remember where I put them! Verbal capability disappears which is why reading is so hard but I also loose memory of where things are. It's a terrible affliction but after four hours crashed on sofa asleep for some of that time I perked up. I re,ember that I have a mild case and could be regarded as an example of someone who recovered as I got more than 50% functionality back. Yeah. Right. I feel just fine.

@mummyoflittledragon. Sounds bad but look on the bright side. Everyone knows who you are now! ;-)

nextstopChristmas · 02/11/2017 13:20

I was diagnosed this at 18 after two years of illness/fatigue, it all started after a year of throat infections & then a tonsillectomy that I got an infection from, I stayed ill for 2 years, then a random chain of events introduced me to a lady that had been similar and had been tested/treated for an under active thyroid. I had ME diagnosed at the Lister hospital who has said my thyroid was not low enough to treat. So there was a doctor who was quite controversial at the time, Dr Skinner and I saw him privately and have been on 125mg of lythothroxine (sp) for nearly 20 years and within 3 months was better within a year normal.
I think ME is common, as is post viral and I think thyroid problems are not diagnosed effectively.

MyVisionsComeFromSoup · 02/11/2017 13:24

Stickman Communications for cards explaining different conditions/situations - very good

nextstopChristmas · 02/11/2017 13:26

Posted too early, I still have periods of fatigue, that is horrendous, I have hypo-mobile joints that ache etc but the thyroid has helped massively. It’s not always an answer but worth looking at.

WoodYouBeHappy · 02/11/2017 13:59

MyVisions! Hello! I remember you gave me some brilliant advice.... earlier this year? Now cannot recall what, but thank you Flowers

Those cards are great. I just need one on adrenaline now to show to visitors. I'm actually much better when I don't have any visitors at all, but I think I might go crazy if I didn't have a couple of short quiet visits a week. I end up borrowing their energy though and relapsing.

Off to rest now. I love MN, but I don't believe it aids my recovery being on a laptop.

MyVisionsComeFromSoup · 02/11/2017 14:04

It was lots and lots and lots of stuff on POTS as I recall Wood, I get a bit carried away sometimes Smile.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/11/2017 14:22

Oh yes, I have that face now. 😬

Thanks wood and Flowers to you, Wise and everyone else suffering.

Mamamagellanic · 02/11/2017 14:50

This is my third day answering the door in my dressing gown at 3pm. My arms and legs feel pathetic, I’m dropping everything, I couldn’t twist the lids off DDs meds this morning.

I’m on my second week of bronchitis, is that why I’m so bad? I’m starting to worry. So frustrating resting the hours away when I’ve so much to do.

Lionso · 02/11/2017 16:57

@Mamagellanic, when I'm in a crash its my hand strength that seems to go first, I drop everything, can't open things with lids on etc. Its a warning sign to me now that I need to really rest, if I don't I start getting twitches and muscle spasms in my hands.

Bronchitis is nasty, I know its so frustrating. Flowers

Lionso · 02/11/2017 16:58

Ps do others on this thread have the flu jab? I'm still debating whether or not to get it, I would have to pay for it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/11/2017 17:10

Mama
I’ve bought a nebuliser and contact lense 100% saline solution (not contact lense solution). The saline reduces mucous and opens the air ways. 10/15 mins 3x/day. Since I’ve used it I haven’t had sinusitis once, which I had regularly. Hospitals use them for COPD patients apparently so good for all mucous membranes.

Lionso
I will not be getting the flu jab. I am taking Immiflex as advised by a private dr.

BonnesVacances · 02/11/2017 17:14

In my opinion, from my experience and 7 years of reading research, if you recover you never had ME.

I'm not sure if I completely agree with this. DD at the beginning of her illness 2 years ago presented exactly as ME, down to the PEM, pain etc. She has very slowly improved since then. She's still a long way from recovery and can only manage 3 hours of activity a day, but I don't know that the mere fact of her improving means she doesn't have ME and instead it's CFS. Unless of course she never fully recovers and reaches a plateau, which is entirely possible.

DD isn't having a flu jab. We decided not to play roulette with her immune system as we don't know exactly why it's behaving the way it is. Instead DH and I are having the jabs to try to protect her through herd immunity. Her consultant thought this was a good idea. HTH

Btw we were told once that only tiredness is relieved by sleep and that fatigue is relieved by rest. This seems to accord with how DD has found herself managing the illness, ie with regular rests. It also explains why so many people don't feel refreshed after sleep as it could be the fatigue they're still feeling in the morning, not the sleepiness.

WoodYouBeHappy · 02/11/2017 17:31

Hope you feel better soon Mama.

Talking of flu. This has been asked on ME/CFS threads before, but who first got ill after a flu jab or having the flu?

Mine was flu, some years back. It's only very recently that staying in bed, resting and cutting out stress has helped me to feel a little better. Though being housebound is a bit of an inconvenience. As is not being able to drink Gin Wine.

I'm having a sabbatical from life Grin

ShovingLeopard · 03/11/2017 00:02

In my opinion, from my experience and 7 years of reading research, if you recover you never had ME.

I don't agree with this either. I had classic ME, with killer PEM, immune irregularities, pain etc and am now 90% recovered. It has been a long, hard road, though.

Re flu jab, I got ill after jabs for travel, which I had at the same time as being in a very stressful life situation, while overworking and also trying to recover from glandular fever. I would be wary of having any vaccination now. I hope that my immune system has now calmed down, but I worry about ongoing susceptibility.

stopgap · 03/11/2017 00:42

STTM is the website that took me from spending every other day in bed with crushing fatigue to living a normal life. It pointed me in the direction of an incredible functional medicine doctor who every three months tests all of my hormones, a full thyroid panel, fasting blood sugar, ferritin etc. I have seen conventional endocrinologists and they are the worst--quick TSH test and if that's sort of okay then you must be fine. My functional medicine doctor has me on porcine thyroid, D3, easy iron, powdered Magnesium, L-Theanine, inositol and an excellent probiotic. It's been trial and error. Low-dose hydrocortisone was an unmitigated disaster, as was progesterone supplementation. But I stuck with the doctor, and am glad I did. A few slip ups here and there aside, I do try hard to stick rigidly to a Paleo diet, and drink no more than three alcoholic drinks per week. Even that has been an experiment in what causes for me inflammation and muscle pain, and which form of alcohol has no side effect.

Undiagnosed Hashimoto's for six months, and half my hair fell out, I gained weight, and went from running six miles a few times a week to struggling to walk two hundred yards, to having to rest in bed every other day. It's taken me five years to reach a stable place. I work out 4 times a week, raise two small kids, go out twice a week with friends or my husband, and have recently returned to part-time work. It's taken me five years to get here, and I'm lucky to have had the resources to throw at this autoimmune shitshow. It kills me to think there are women out there that aren't getting the help they need--not by a long shot.

BananasAreGood · 03/11/2017 00:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShovingLeopard · 03/11/2017 01:03

Bananas I am interested in mast cell activation too. I think DH might have it. I also think he might have EDS. He currently won't go and pursue a diagnosis, though.....

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/11/2017 05:08

stopgap
Which country are you in? I am looking at thyroid tests and analysis. I’m in the uk. I was wondering who your dr is.