Am I too strict or would you have done the same

[katycb]

1st world problem really- We were out yesterday in the kids playroom of an art gallery. DD (4) had spent ages building a house with some big foam blocks when another child runs in (probably 5/6 ish) with a big familly group and knocks it down I tried to get him to say sorry (nicely!) but he ran off and none of the 3 adults who were with him intervened. Anyway helped DD stop crying and build it back up which we did about 15m later same boy knocks it down again! This time his Dad says "Oh dear lets build it again" but DD is properly upset and at no point does any adult in the group get the boy to apologise. If either of my 2 did this I would pull them up, get them to say sorry to the child they upset and give them time out. It has really got me riled DH says its just different parenting and I shouldn't interfere AIBU?

I always my my DS (3) apologise regardless of whether it was intentional (obviouslyif it is an accident I tell him to say sport it was an accident as opposed to just sorry). Parents are always complaining about kids these days but then failing to teach them basic manners.

Even in a communal play area I wouldn't expect a child to run in and destroy something another child was clearly in the middle of. However, if your child had moved away from the model and was doing something else that would have been fine.

I wouldn't have demanded an apology, but I would have said something like 'excuse me, you have just ruined our building, that wasn't very thoughtful was it?'

Some parents just think their kids come first though and are just hilarious little monkeys no matter what they do.

It's amazing how many poeple can't read the thread.

SHE WASN'T AT SOFT PLAY!

Kids playroom is soft play type thing though, innit

I know it's difficult to see your child upset, but when my DC were smaller and this sort of stuff happened I used it as an opportunity to build up their resilience. My DC are not the most important people in the world except to me and their family, they need to be stronger and less easily upset because they'll be dealing with people who don't care about their feelings their whole lives.

IMO this was a soft play in a public place and the boy had just as much right to touch the blocks as your DD did. They are supposed to be built, knocked down and then re-built, that is what they were put there for. I'm surprised that her house stayed the same for as long as 15 mins TBH. It would have been easier on your DD if you had given her a reality check that she has to share public things with other people, she was upset because she thought of the house as 'hers' when it never really was.

Bit silly to be as prim as that fresta

I think if we react to these things by huffing and demanding apologies and saying things like the above, we will end up with kids like Walter from the Beano comics.

Kids playrooms in a museum are generally nothing like soft play IME.

If it was my kid Id have told them off and apologised myself too. It's a completely rude ignorant and unnecessary way to behave.

If your kid was drawing quietly is it ok if another kid comes over and scribbles over their page, or takes the drawing away and rips it up, that wouldn't be acceptable would it? In my view this is no different.

Given that on a thread I.started yesterday I was told I shouldn't have remonstrated with a primary schooler for riding a bike down the middle of the road in the dark with no lights, and should expect him to have sworn/ been rude to me in response, I'm apparently out of step though.

If they didn’t look too rough I might have shook my head or given them a dirty look or said out loud in ear shot of the boy that wasn’t a very kind thing to do now was it.

If they didn't look too rough?

Not really the same as a drawing though as the blocks are there for communal use.

If there was just one piece of paper you might be right!

I would have apologised myself and made sure that it didn't happen again, also telling my child that his behaviour was not ok.

I never forced apologies out of my kids because a grudging, insincere, muttered, or sing-song "sorry" (which, in my experience is what you get), doesn't improve the situation. An apology like this doesn't get the misbehaving child to actually empathise and feel bad about his behaviour, and it doesn't make the injured child feel better. In fact it can shift the pressure to the injured child, who now is supposed to feel fine, even though she can tell that the apology is not heartfelt (and even if it were it doesn't really help).

Having said this, I agree that you have to expect behaviour like this in places like this, and what your child can learn from it is resilience, a sense of proportion, and the preschool version of street-smarts.

Betty I was on that thread and the point is, there is no need to make life difficult for yourself or for your kids by creating confrontational situations.

There are ways of diffusing situations that don't cause drama.

Brighteyes probably means it's what she would do unless she thought the other family looked likely to beat her up or kick off at her or something.

Well it was mean of the boy to do it. But in soft play it does seem a bit of a free for all. And nobody got hurt.

It's hardly prim.
The activities in a gallery and museum playroom are generally educational type activities, not general soft play. I don't see how it's ok for a child to run in and deliberately destroy something another was in the middle of. If you want a go at something you either join in with the first child or wait until they have moved on.

Sorry but by allowing this shit and thinking it's all fine you end up with children feeling they can behave as they please, that other children and indeed adults don't matter.

It's why now kids feel entitled to be rude and abusive to each other and adults, whereas a few years ago no one would dare be rude to another adult or ignore them.

In the OPs case I know when I was a child, my mum would have given the offending child a withering stare, and told them not to do it again. And they wouldn't have. Whereas now I'm sure that would be ignored completely.

Ok it wasn't soft play. Before anyone tells me off for not reading the thread.

I’d make a child of mine say sorry, but foam stuff and blocks seem to have that lets knock them down attraction!

She is normally pretty resilient. She has a sibling and goes to 2 different nurseries she isn't a delicate snowflake!!! To add to context it there were loads of toys in the room she clearly was in one area building with a selection of blocks and different bits- there were other areas with the same toys in that he could have played with so it wasn't like softplay or where they run amok or that she was hogging stuff and not sharing (If anyone reading this is on Tyneside it was the big gallery by the river) - I think this is why she got upset- If it had happened at Softplay and was more in context she would have taken it on the chin.

Just because something is for communal use doesn't mean kids shouldn't respect each other.

I don't know how old you are betty but I doubt it.

Chances are when I was little I'd have been left in the play area while my parents went round the museum!

In my view it's not confrontational. It only results in confrontation if other parents think it's fine to allow their kids to behave like this to others (and to ignore/ insult adults) Personally I've tried to instil slightly higher standards of behaviour in my own children - who are certainly not special snowflakes before that accusation is levelled - who are now well behaved young adults.

Reading this has made me both cross and sad.

Why is it OK for a child to do this? Shall I an as an adult, go and throw your phone to the floor? Or kick your book across the road? No, I was taught it was wrong to behave unkindly to people!

op my child is a teeny bit feral, and easily does things like this (he's 3) but I always apologise and often ask to help rectify the situation. No he won't apologise but as the responsible adult I do!
I'd have asked the child to please stop destroying the castle.

He shouldn't have done it, and he should have been disciplined, but, did you really monopolise one of the play areas for 30 minutes? There's a science museum near where I used to live where I took the kids, so I'm imagining the kind of exhibit where there's a number of different activities that the kids can move around - the idea of any child using one exclusively for 30 minutes is also pretty rude.