To think Dd shutting down is not normal?

[EmmyBear75]

Dd 15 has been like this for a nearly a year and I’m tried of being told that it’s normal. Mental health services , gp and school aren’t interested.

Outside of school , although she can sometimes be shy , she’s generally confident , bubbly and takes part in lots of activities. Always out with my other Dd and socialising .

As soon as her uniform is on , she’s tense,anxious . When she’s at school and this is what I’ve been told by her year leader, she struggles to find her words , tearful , anxious, avoids eye contact and can go all day without talking ,just shaking her head or nodding . The school have ruled out bullying , doesn’t think she needs to speak to the school counsellor . The gp said that it’s just a phase and another gp has said that maybe she’s just one of those who doesn’t like school and that she doesn’t require any help.

She has friends , she goes out , sleepovers and at school she has people she talks to , used to have them over a lot but now not as often and spends her lunch time and break time alone since her friends now go off with others since Dd literally freezes up at school now.

Aibu to think this isn’t normal?

Sometimes, it only takes one influential teacher to fuck up a child. Ask her.

I absolutely agree with this - I saw my own son change completely for one year of primary school and one year only and it, without question, was a result of the teacher he had.

Emmy how was today? I hope all is OK.

My dd is a lot better at the moment. She's got very into Halloween (I hate it but gritting teeth for dd!) and we have a CAMHS appointment soon.

Just hoping things are better for your girl. PM me if you ever want to. XX

Thank you everyone for the help. Been so busy with Dd so haven’t got round to updating or PM ‘ ing .

Aspergers hasn’t been mentioned or considered before and it’s not something I know much about .
Thank you Eamon and ItalianGreyHound , I hope you and your daughters are well. It’s so hard to be a parent in this situation .

Dd managed to go to school for a few days last week and she said she will go for all of next week but she’s still not verbally communicating. This weekend was supposed to be a sleepover with some friends but they cancelled on her , did the sleepover without her and posted pictures so that upset her . Tried to have a girly time watching movies and pampering eachother last night to make up for it . Another meeting with the school on Monday

The behaviour of the 'friends' sounds dangerously close to bullying to be -exclusion. Could you find out from one of the other parents what us going on?

Keep on going it's tough. Our landscape changes daily and I am so fed up with this but dd calls it deptession so I just have to try and make it alright.

for you and dd

Keep going, I think you are all doing a marvellous job. It is hard when your dc are not having the idyllic childhood we all imagine they should be having

I had this at school but it was linked to PE. I couldn't convey it to anyone because if I'd have told anyone why it would open up a huge can of worms.

I was sexually abused and taking my clothes off completely freaked me out and getting told to hurry up and stared at by other people exacerbated it.

There will be something underlying (I am NOT saying abuse btw) that is too hard for your DD to talk about at the moment.

yes. I will mention the situation to the school. 3rd time she’s been left out by friends in and out of school this week. I don’t expect them to invite her to everything but it’s heartbreaking for her being invited and disinvited, has her thinking she’s done something wrong or she isn’t ‘normal’.

I’m so sorry Gertrudesings . I hope that if there is something underlying with Dd that it comes to light soon

If this has happened three times in a week I would definitely explore this as a possible reason for her silence/shutting down.

So fed up with the school . I feel like Dd is just getting worse each week

Is it possible that she is being abused by a teacher which is why the school hasn’t picked up on it?

If it’s clearly school that’s the problem for whatever reason then I would just get her out of that school ASAP, even if it’s temporarily until she gets into another one.

Hi Emmy, sorry you are going through this. I too thought of Aspergers. As pp said, girls can mask for years then some kind of stress, inner or external, tips them over the edge, sometimes with far-reaching consequences. My own dd was dx'd at 12, it was a bolt from the blue as I had never even considered it before. Now so many things make sense.

Any kind of counselling/therapy intervention would be good now, finding someone she can offload on will help her I'm sure, whether it's depression or something else. I hope things improve for you soon.

I know you mentioned home schooling would be a last resort but I wonder if it is worth contacting interhigh's staff as I suspect they have experience of students leaving mainstream schooling and joining them with similar issues as your dd's. They might be able to offer some guidance, insights or perspective that are helpful.