To request 2 morning lie ins per year?

[Cakebaby123]

Ok so I'm a SAHM and yet again another weekend gone by where DH gets to sleep in until gone 11am while I'm up at the crack of dawn with DC (after being up all night with DD and her sickness bug)
All I ask is that for mothers day and my birthday that maybe DH gets up with the children and brings me a cup of tea to enjoy. We have this argument every year where he thinks because I don't 'go to work and earn money' that I don't need a lie in at all, not even once a year.
Does everyone view SAHMs like this?
He does work hard, but he's self employed and only works when he really does want to. So it's not like he works 100 hours a week, whereas I feel like my 'job' never ends

Trivial yes, but its really getting me down.

Just read this to DH. His response to your H: What an arse. He thinks he doesn't want you taking the bar job in case you meet someone better than him.

My DH worked 12 hours yesterday and is doing the same the next 2 days. Today he took DS and DD downstairs to let me sleep in. When I got up he went to do a food shop. When he came back he sent me back to bed for a nap (was up all night with colicky baby). He then batch cooked lunch and dinner for us for the next few days. He's just put our DS to bed while I feed DD, and he's just left now for a well earned pint down the local. He's never had the kids by himself for more than a couple of hours, but he knows how hard it is and tries to make it easier for me. He also says he enjoys looking after us all. Our roles will be reversing soon when I go back to work and he will be a SAHD. I'll be making sure he's well rested on my days off then.

You ask for two lie ins a YEAR and he begrudges you that? I'd honestly LTB. Sorry OP

So you want to work but are a SAHM, you never get a break and he wants to control where you work.

Would you be happy for your daughter to marry a chauvinistic pig like this?

YABU. One morning a week. 1 a fortnight at a push is fair

I don’t get a lie in ever either. My partner works shifts so somehow manages to get at least 2 lie in a weeks on his days off when I’m up with the dc at 6 every morning.

I’m a sahm we alternate the sleep ins every week so I might have Saturday and dh Sunday. If he does a 6 day week then I give him lie in the next day but he gets up at half 5every day. I do have the option of going back for a nap later like I did today because the dc woke up at half 4. Your dh isn’t playing fair at all.

You should each have one lie in per week. It's not like staying at home means you are doing nothing.

Sweet heart don't show him this thread. This is your space, your thoughts. By showing him you are letting him take something else from you.

It's time for you to start making plans. He's not going to change, he has a cushy number with you doing all the grunt work. Get a job. Doesn't matter if he approves or not, he's not your owner. Make some friends. Go out. I think your dependency on him will go the more you explore your independence.

We accept the love we think we deserve.

Well said Perry .

This is depressing reading. I was in your situation too. Not once did I get a lie -in. His job wasn't particularly taxing and he had much time off. At home he'd sit on his fat arse on the computer. Or on his phone. Ignored us all until the DC were in bed. Not one bedtime story or help ever. Rarely gave me money and if he did it was strictly for groceries.

Thankfully he disappeared without warning to a shiny new rich and younger OW.

I've never been happier and now the DC are older life is much easier.

LTB

Really hope you find some strength to see through him. I've been there and am now out and my new DH looks after the my (he refers to them as 'our') children most mornings of a weekend (because he loves me and adores them) and brings me tea every morning without fail - I had 1 cup in 10 years with my Ex. I know how hard it is to get out though but we will all be here whatever you manage to do.

Saturday mums lie in
Sunday dads lie in

This is how we do it. Although he is an early riser so his lie in is usually till 10 max but mine can last all day if we aren't doing anything haha

I call the kids in and out a film on 🙌🏼

what do u love about him so uttrly

what does he do thats so special?

Grr! DH is a SAHD and he loves his weekend lie-ins! He only gives them up in cases of illness or extreme begging! That said I am much more of a morning person and usually naturally wake up before DS (and lie in bed reading) so maybe that's not fair.

Fair would be that you each get a day of the weekend to lie-in.

I'd be nothing without him.

Actually you'd be a very successful mum with a nice job in a bar. Without the millstone around your neck

He doesn't love you. I'm not sure he even likes you by the sounds of it. So you love him, big deal. Try loving yourself more. You children will think this is normal and it isn't. What would you say if your daughter came to you and said all this about her th? Seriously what would be your advice to her? Run fast op

Yes for being a doormat. Fuck that crap. Your H is a selfish twat.

You must stop thinking you’re nothing without him. He’s the one who’s made you feel like that, OP. You’re worth so much more than that.

Great news that he thinks childcare is easy.
Therefore he can have no possible complaint if you go away for the weekend with your friends.

He is being a total dick. You deserve better than this! If you had to be replaced with paid staff he wouldn't get change out of approx £80k per annum - when you look at the hours and the different jobs you do (child care, cook, house keeper, chauffeur and probably a few others).

You say you love him But you want your relationship to be different. I would contend then that you don't really or you have doubts as you love what you want him to be not what he is. He has said that this is how he sees it to be and how he wants it - if you don't want the same there has to be compromise or seperation. Does he love you enough to try and see your point of view? And change rather than lose you? I hope so but experience here would tell different.

Your life sounds miserable. You sound loving and capable. However much you love him, he's not treating you as though he loves you in return. Something needs to change.

I'm on maternity leave so my youngest is still very dependent on me. At weekends DH and I are responsible for a child each. That tends to mean I feed baby at 4/6am and then stay in bed until 9ish whereas he's up with the toddler from 7. Once baby sleeps better I imagine we'll revert to having a morning each on weekends.

This kind of thread always winds me up so much.

I know it's not the women's fault. I know they're the victims here. I know all that and I try to bear it in mind.

And yet it just grinds my gears so badly when she realises something is wrong, enough to ask MN about it, and tells us all about how her husband treats her as a skivvy, sneers at her contribution while being utterly unwilling to do it himself, lets her run ragged, decides for her whether or not she works, and then, when she gets the exact response she must have realised was coming, is all "oh actually he's so lovely really, you all just don't understand, I've painted him badly" etc etc.

I mean, again, I KNOW it's not her fault and he's the dick. But I can't help it, it just makes me grind my teeth and punch a pillow. ARGH.

Poor OP. That sounds utterly shit.

I've been where you are, except I was working and xh still wouldn't have me lie ins. I too had to beg for them on birthday and mother's day. Didn't get them even then.

I'm not totally free of mine as we are still going through the financials of the divorce. But getting there. Good luck!

Wow. we shared lie in so each of us gets one most weekends. You deserve a break at least every week!

Bucket of cold water over him. (I’ve done this, it works)

That isn’t love it’s codependency!