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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To request 2 morning lie ins per year?

126 replies

Cakebaby123 · 29/10/2017 15:37

Ok so I'm a SAHM and yet again another weekend gone by where DH gets to sleep in until gone 11am while I'm up at the crack of dawn with DC (after being up all night with DD and her sickness bug)
All I ask is that for mothers day and my birthday that maybe DH gets up with the children and brings me a cup of tea to enjoy. We have this argument every year where he thinks because I don't 'go to work and earn money' that I don't need a lie in at all, not even once a year.
Does everyone view SAHMs like this?
He does work hard, but he's self employed and only works when he really does want to. So it's not like he works 100 hours a week, whereas I feel like my 'job' never ends ConfusedBlush

Trivial yes, but its really getting me down.

OP posts:
hmcAsWas · 29/10/2017 15:59

YABU for asking for only two lie ins per year! I agree with posters who suggest you take turns over the weekend and get one lie in per weekend each (I assume you are up early every weekday morning with the dc like he is up early to go to work?)

Show him this thread. Not one poster agrees with him

Oysterbabe · 29/10/2017 16:00

You should get one a week.

Handsfull13 · 29/10/2017 16:00

Sorry but he is being a dick.
We have 9month twin boys and a 14yr old step son every other week. My partner helps out with everything especially at the weekends. Either we both get up with the kids or one of us will. We have no official agreement on lie ins but if he's awake he'll get up and vis versa and if one has a shit nights sleep the other gets up without fail.
If he has plans with just his son then as soon as he gets home to takes over completely so I can get a break as he knows my life revolves around the kids.
You need to set him straight and get him to do a whole day with the kids while you go out and see if he still feels the same at the end of it

scatterbrainedstarfish · 29/10/2017 16:08

I too am a SAHM.
I think most people who think this way assume you sit on your arse all day because you’re not out at work.
You work during the week cleaning, cooking, taxi service, childcare .........the list goes on. All for free too may I add.
Tell DH that if he wants you to work over the weekend too that he needs to pay you!
(I doubt he could afford weekend rates! Grin)

Show him this post and shame him - you should be off with him and the family on a weekend also.
That includes sharing lie ins.
He sounds like a real lazy lump!

RippleEffects · 29/10/2017 16:10

Its not just the not lieing in. Its the keeping the DC quiet, for no doubt several hours, or he's an arse all day

When my big pain in the arse left, I became a single mum but mornings were easier because we could have the odd slob out morning where I could stick cbeebies on with the dc in bed with me and in theory doze a bit. Ocassionally they'd even play a bit whilst I'd snooze.

I didn't catch how old the DC are but a division of all household stuff sounds really shit if everything is your responsibility.

SandLand · 29/10/2017 16:10

YABVU. 2 lie-ins a year isn't sufficient.
Starting point should be one a week.
tbf, DH probably gets 90% of the lie ins, but I'm a SAHM with all kids at school. So if I've had a knackering time, I can usually grab an hour at some point while everyone is at work/school. But if I needed one, I'd get it.

Viviennemary · 29/10/2017 16:11
Biscuit
Sunnydaysrock · 29/10/2017 16:12

Yes you should definitely be having one a week. That is not unreasonable. You do deserve that.

Hastalamorte · 29/10/2017 16:18

At least one per weekend! Tbh neither of us are able to sleep until 11. Kids do not have to be particularly quiet either. No trumpets in our house though Grin

Appuskidu · 29/10/2017 16:24

Should be one a week. What a shame you had kids with such a knob.

peanut2017 · 29/10/2017 16:26

That is ridiculous and so selfish. My oh does most weekends and works full time. I’m
on maternity leave and have ds from early to evening with no other family support. You need to put the foot down and ask him does he want to pay for someone to mind your children? That’s such a poor attitude to have to your other half who is raising your children. Dickish behavior

DerelictWreck · 29/10/2017 16:30

He is being a massive dick. He (presumably) gets 2 days off a week - how many do you get? If he has two days off a week, you each get a lie in on one of those days, end all the childcare/housework is done 50/50 on those days and evenings when he is home (assuming this is normal 9-5).

OP seriously - with attitudes like this, can you really he say he appreciates or respects you?

Wellonlyifihavetoo · 29/10/2017 16:40

What a selfish twat

Gillian1980 · 29/10/2017 16:43

Yabu.

2 is nothing!!! You need to be getting more like 52... one a week is reasonable.

We aim to have one each at the weekend. Doesn’t always work depending on our plans but we make sure each of us has a bit of quiet time over the weekend.

LagunaBubbles · 29/10/2017 16:44

It's actually really concerning that you think the fact your DH doesn't appreciate you and you don't "deserve" a lie in is trivial. It's anything but trivial!

KenAdams · 29/10/2017 16:47

How old are your children?

Warhammerwidow89 · 29/10/2017 16:48

My DF got up with my son this morning and let me have a lay in, he isn't even his dad.

Your DP is a twat! There his kids too!

Theresamayscough · 29/10/2017 16:53

God what a selfish arse.

We have our grandchildren over to stop at least once a month so our kids can have a lie in.

My dss with kids share the get ups either sat or sun so both they and dils each get one lie in.

Kick his arse op.

Original poster
Cakebaby123 · 29/10/2017 17:06

Wow thank you everybody for your words of support. I've been afraid to post because I did expect backlash. I have 2 children, one of school age. Its tough, I don't feel like I get any support from family and i don't have any friends really.
He made me feel like the request for mother's day and my birthday for a little lie in was unreasonable.
The world can be a lonely place to be for some, thanks for the support x

OP posts:
Mollieben · 29/10/2017 17:08

I'm not a sahm but me and dh have 1 day each at the weekend. Through the week we are both up early anyway. I used to do all the mornings with ds1 but I put my foot down when we had ds2 - it just isn't fair. I don't understand people using the 'I earn the most money' card. As a family, all the money is shared surely??

Worriedobsessive · 29/10/2017 17:09

Why did you think you’d get a backlash? Have you been reading a different mumsnet?

He’s being a dick BUT you’re letting him. What’s with the “asking” for a lie in????

DownstairsMixUp · 29/10/2017 17:11

Ltb

Fishface77 · 29/10/2017 17:13

He's a cunt.
LTB then he'll have to get up when he had the kids.

windowSong · 29/10/2017 17:14

Of course you should have a lie-in each a week. In the gentlest way possible, you’re being a little bit martyrish about it. It’s normal in a relationship to discuss these things and come up with a fair solution.

SummerRains · 29/10/2017 17:15

I would be tempted to get a job, ideally all weekend so he is on duty all weekend!!!

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