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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit pissed off at being given concert tickets?

226 replies

Zoeylee · 29/10/2017 12:24

I know it sounds mad, and I hate myself for thinking this. However, my brother and SIL have given me concert tickets for my birthday, (2 tickets actually, so me and DH can go.) It's for someone I do like (and have done for years.)

Problem is, we are very rural. We are literally 45 to 50 minutes drive from a train station, and the city where the concert is, is another HOUR and a QUARTER journey on the train. (Including having to change trains half way.)

So we are talking about starting out a MINIMUM of 3 hours before the concert starts, as it says on the tickets that the doors open at 6.00pm and it's advisable to get there early. The concert starts with a support act at 7pm... To enable ourselves to get the last train back would involve leaving the concert at 9pm. The main act will probably only just be starting then.

Either that or we stay in a travelodge or premier inn. I have already looked at the date, and because it's a Friday, the cheapest room is £85! Confused This would be on top of the train fares that will cost £70 for the two! So with food and extra bits and bobs, we could be looking at £200.

Driving would be a PITA too, as that would take the best part of two and a half to three hours (five to six hour round-trip,) and would be a ballache, with driving in and around a major city, and car parking and suchlike.

WIBU to sell the tickets on and buy something else? Should I pretend we went to the concert and fake a few photos? Or should I be honest? I feel like such a cow, but these 'free tickets' are going to end up costing us a bleeding fortune! And the thought of all the hassle involved in travelling to this concert, and back (even though I like the act,) is giving me a headache. My brother and SIL meant well, but I don't think they thought it through. Sad

OP posts:
LellyMcKelly · 29/10/2017 21:20

We lived in the midlands and were given tickets for a singer we liked (but not that much) in Glasgow as a wedding present. The other couple, who lived down the road in Dundee, were going too so we couldn't really pretend to go and then not. We ended up flying up, staying in a Premier Inn, going out for dinner with them (which we felt obliged to pay for) and then flying home. We had a lovely time, but spent over £400 for the sake of £80 worth of tickets. Never again!

deepestdarkestperu · 29/10/2017 21:41

You're not unreasonable OP.

Why is it kind to spend money on a present for someone, when to use the present requires the recipient to spend over double the original amount? It's not - it's thoughtless, really. Yes, it's a nice idea but the realities of it aren't so nice. You either have to spend a fortune to keep the giver happy, offend them by not going/selling them on, or lie about attending to please them!

I live rurally too, and getting to a concert venue from here is a bloody nightmare - no way could it be done in one day. The nearest venue is Manchester which is a good 3 hour drive, and the train takes about six hours due to the logistics of the rail service - you kind of have to go about 2 hours out of your way to connect to a main rail service to get you into the city!

So concert tickets to Manchester, at a cost of maybe £80 for DP and I, would cost us at least a tank of petrol, plus a hotel, plus dinner and breakfast the next day. If it was on a weekday, we'd both have to miss two days of work because there's no way we'd be able to get to Manchester and in time when I don't finish work until 6pm, and DP would have to start the next day at 8am.

Clearly a lot of people here live in cities/towns where transport is quick, or have plenty of money to spend on petrol, trains and hotels!

Rattail · 29/10/2017 22:35

Th if you can't deal with the comments of people's own opinions then why did you ask if you were bu. You only want to hear what you want to hear

Rattail · 29/10/2017 22:35

*Tbh

Only1scoop · 29/10/2017 22:40

Awful how ungrateful

Especially the 'photo's to fake you going' and then the buying something else.

CoolCarrie · 30/10/2017 17:45

I flew from SA to London to see a singer in a lifetime concert, someone who I have loved for 40 years, certainly don't regret one minute or one penny. You will regret it if you don't go. I wish I had seen Bowie when Ihad the chance

CoolCarrie · 30/10/2017 18:03

Found a very cheap b & b and stayed 2 nights. Make the effort OP.

Slimthistime · 30/10/2017 18:03

allegretto "Any present that involves you spending money to use it, is a present that should have been discussed before buying!"

this. I can't believe that anyone thinks this is a nice or thoughtful gift.

In terms of not offending anyone, I think you do have to say, in the kindest way possible "I really appreciate the thought but the extra expense involved means it would be better for the tickets to be given to someone else."

then see if you can figure out who else wants to go, maybe gift them to someone who coudln't get tickets - could be a stranger! - but I think that if they take offence, they are being silly. It was a wrong gift to buy and if you pretend you went, you will get given tickets again in future.

AppleKatie · 30/10/2017 18:11

Just drive? if you like concerts and you like the band I'm not seeing the issue? Leave at 4 back by 1-2am? Seems fairly standard for a night out if you're going to live in the sticks?

Turquoise123 · 30/10/2017 18:51

Ah yes - the curse of the thoughtless present. You either say you can't go and give them the tickets back or go and have fun . Don't go and have a miserable time - worst of all options .

Slimthistime · 30/10/2017 18:54

Apple "Seems fairly standard for a night out if you're going to live in the sticks"

I would imagine many people living far away from a big city don't want to go to a big city.....I am a Londoner but it is quite possible to have nights out locally wherever you live!

nannygoat50 · 30/10/2017 19:11

I'd be honest and tell them everything you have put on here .

Chunkymonkey123 · 30/10/2017 19:14

I'm with you OP. It is thoughtless to give a gift that involves hassle and expense to the receiver. We have given concert/show tickets but have always booked a hotel to go with them. I would be annoyed if I was you as well because you are going to come across as ungrateful however it ends up.

All those people saying it was a thoughtful gift, unless it was one of those concerts that you had to be online for at 7am all they really did was go on ticketmaster, it would have taken them 5 minutes.

pilotswife · 30/10/2017 19:22

I live rurally - 6 1/2 hours to nearest city and think nothing of driving up for a party/concert/theatre. An hour 15min on a train is nothing out of your life! Just make a weekend of it. I think it's a lovely gift - combine it with Christmas shopping or whatever else you need to do in the city - Dr/Dentist etc You're a long time dead !

Cooloncraze · 30/10/2017 19:28

I would drive. I’m also v rural and a 6 hour round trip doesn’t seem bad to me - it usually takes 4- 6 hours just to get to a major city/ concert venue. Why not drive and see the whole concert and get home late?

If you just really don’t want to go however then be honest and explain, rather than pretending you went.

ElizabethShaw · 30/10/2017 19:36

A gift that is more expensive for the recipient than the giver isn't very thoughtful in my opinion!

I'd give the tickets back and say lovely thought but its logistically too difficult/you can't afford it.

Pastorkidneys · 30/10/2017 19:39

When your ancient like me, you’ll look back and remember the concert, the feelings the atmosphere the smell not the slight inconvenience of getting there, a lovely thoughtful generous gift

deepestdarkestperu · 30/10/2017 19:39

Has it not occurred to people that not everyone can afford to just "make a weekend of it" or "book a B&B". Public transport in the sticks is rarely cheap, and it rarely runs past 10pm if it runs in the evenings at all. Around here the trains stop at 10, and in winter the buses stop at 6. Driving is do-able, but again you incur petrol costs and to get to the nearest city for a concert, you need to leave around mid-afternoon to beat traffic, and you wouldn't be home until close to 5am afterwards.

Last time we went to Manchester, the journey back (after a flight) was long and exhausting. We landed around 1am, left the airport around 2am and probably didn't get home until close to 7am - no way could either us have worked the following day!

MissionItsPossible · 30/10/2017 19:49

OP, don't know if you're still reading as you said you're hiding the thread but if you explained to your brother and he offered every solution to make it as cheap and seamless as possible and it wouldn't be out of the realms of possibility, would you go? Because you said you don't particularly want to go so if solutions could be offered, would you? If not, give them back and say thanks, but you don't want to go. If yes, give them back and say yes, you would like to go but it's too expensive and too much hassle to get there and back.

Slimthistime · 30/10/2017 20:03

pilot "I think it's a lovely gift - combine it with Christmas shopping or whatever else you need to do in the city - Dr/Dentist etc You're a long time dead !"

did you actually read the OP? I would be amazed if her doctor or dentist were based that far away from her. I live in London and haven't physically shopped in central London for literally years.

Yes you are a long time dead, which is an excellent reason to stick with doing things you actually want to do. Clearly the OP doesn't fancy the trip to the city, or the joys of the Premier Inn and may even - shock horror - wish to save money for something else!

OP, I wonder if you are a concert goer generally, or did your sis just think "oh she likes that band"?

Slimthistime · 30/10/2017 20:04

oh, just saw another poster said OP hid the thread. What a pity.

hopefully you are still reading OP - not everyone thinks it's a "thoughtful" gift.

bingbongnoise · 30/10/2017 21:08

Yeah, YANBU. As someone said it sounds like your relative just thought 'hey she likes them, get the tickets.'

I think some people on here are being very unreasonable and a bit rude, and are showing they have no clue about rural living.. And I am baffled at people saying 'make a weekend of it, book a hotel, go to the doctors or dentist while you're there,' (wtf, why would the doctor and dentist be 2 hours away from where she lives?) And as the OP said, (and a few other posters,) the 1 hr 15 minutes is just the train ride, she said it takes nearly an hour to get to the train station. Not uncommon in rural areas. So yeah, it would be a 4 hour round trip by public transport. (And probably an early start back to get the last train back.)

Not everyone wants to spend money on train fares, cab fares, petrol, parking fees (trying to find a parking space in the city when there's a concert on, don't make me laugh!) and a hotel that would cost 50 to 100 for the night, even for a cheap one. What's more, the OP said a few times that she didn't want to go, and people have continued to give suggestions about taking a picnic, eating before she goes, booking air B & B, making a weekend of it etc.

As has been said, I think many people on here are clueless about rural living and that's why they're making such daft suggestions. It really can be a massive pain even to get to the nearest city for many people living rural.

It's lovely living rural and has many advantages, but when it comes to stuff like this, it's a pain.

OP, (if you are sneakily looking at this,) plenty of people agree with you, and don't think you're being unreasonable. I would be honest with your bro though, because as some posters said, they may buy you tickets again. Tell them logistically it's not going to be possible for you to go.

Yeah it's not a thoughtful gift, however well intended. It's what is known as a poisoned chalice. As @deepestdarketperu said it's a poor gift when utilising it means spending 3 times more than the gift cost! Let's hope the bro and SIL are more understanding than some people on here. Confused

Slimthistime · 30/10/2017 21:13

bingbong - re clueless about rural living, I live in London and I will say I know nothing about rural living, I don't think that's the issue.

I am honestly baffled how some posters can't see the issue but actually I think the majority do get it - maybe it's just the AIBUers who could start a fight in an empty room who are picking at OP for no reason.

I also commute a long way to work, a pp mentioned that but I have no idea how it's relevant when someone gives you tickets to a concert freaking miles away.

Slimthistime · 30/10/2017 21:14

that thing about visiting doctor and dentist to make a day of it - the mind boggles!!

ruralgigmadness · 30/10/2017 21:17

We live in rural Cornwall. Went to Bangkok for a concert earlier this year. Madly impulsive but highlight of my year. If you can afford it and like the band, make a weekend of it and go.

Otherwise just flog the tickets and get something you do want.