To feel a bit pissed off at being given concert tickets?

[Zoeylee]

I know it sounds mad, and I hate myself for thinking this. However, my brother and SIL have given me concert tickets for my birthday, (2 tickets actually, so me and DH can go.) It's for someone I do like (and have done for years.)

Problem is, we are very rural. We are literally 45 to 50 minutes drive from a train station, and the city where the concert is, is another HOUR and a QUARTER journey on the train. (Including having to change trains half way.)

So we are talking about starting out a MINIMUM of 3 hours before the concert starts, as it says on the tickets that the doors open at 6.00pm and it's advisable to get there early. The concert starts with a support act at 7pm... To enable ourselves to get the last train back would involve leaving the concert at 9pm. The main act will probably only just be starting then.

Either that or we stay in a travelodge or premier inn. I have already looked at the date, and because it's a Friday, the cheapest room is £85! This would be on top of the train fares that will cost £70 for the two! So with food and extra bits and bobs, we could be looking at £200.

Driving would be a PITA too, as that would take the best part of two and a half to three hours (five to six hour round-trip,) and would be a ballache, with driving in and around a major city, and car parking and suchlike.

WIBU to sell the tickets on and buy something else? Should I pretend we went to the concert and fake a few photos? Or should I be honest? I feel like such a cow, but these 'free tickets' are going to end up costing us a bleeding fortune! And the thought of all the hassle involved in travelling to this concert, and back (even though I like the act,) is giving me a headache. My brother and SIL meant well, but I don't think they thought it through.

I wouldn't lie to him.

Have a proper think if you want to make a couple of days of it, if not, be honest.

A gift should be about the recipient and shouldn't cost them a lot of money on top.

It's been a lovely thought, just not thought through enough.

I'd rather know if a gift I'd bought was suitable and would hate for someone I'd thought enough of to go without because they felt that they couldn't be honest.

See, the OP is NBU to decide she doesn't want to go to a concert, even if she would previously love to go.

She is NBU to decide that the travel it too much to do something she might enjoy when she gets there. She is NBU to decide that however much it would be fun, she can't do it for practical reasons.

But she asked if she was BU to be pissed off at being given the tickets. And yes, she is being unreasonable to be annoyed at her brother getting her tickets for a concert that by her own admission, she would enjoy, just not the travel to/from.

Perhaps she's more pissed off as he's highlighted how limiting her new location is, and that he's pointed out the failings her her decision to move to the rural location.

A gift should be about the recipient and shouldn't cost them a lot of money on top

I think people forget this. So many people who get all offended or decide they know better or want to prove a point. When the real poibt to he made is "it's not about you it's about the receiver" how can you care so much about someone and want to go to the trouble and expense of buying a gift yet not care about then enough to actually get them something they want or have asked for.

I could be the op.

Gets tickets for a show.

Lovely thought.

Now I have to get a taxi to the station.
Get train tickets to the show.
Possibly stay over.
Train tickets back.
Taxi back home.

I wouldn't wan't to go either. If it was in London for example that would probably cost me £200.

"My money is on rural Scotland, driving to Oban or Fort William for a concert in Glasgow."

Yup, I've a friend in rural D&G and the long palaver they face to even get to Dumfries, let alone Glasgow for hospital appointments would be mind blowing for most posters.

Im happy to an a lazy/boring gift giver

I just give money. I dont need to announce my presence with some grand gesture or gift I don't need to know what you are going to do with it. Im honestly happy to know that it's going to be used at some point in sone manner.

Just flog the tickets. Thank your brother for the lovely thought, and say I've spent the money on [insert whatever] as we weren't able to go.

TooManyPaws
I can absolutely sympathise with your friends there!

I'm not sure I would be pissed off but it is not a good gift. I don't like being given experiences even when you can decide the date because it takes time and money and there is pressure to use it before the deadline.

Tickets are a very strange present. I like to do stuff when it suits me. It is stressful to arrange things you are not in the mood for even if you would enjoy it when you get there. What if you already had plans for that evening?

Tickets are only a good present for partners because you can check they aren't busy and can arrange the logistics to take the stress out of it.

That's a lovely gift on the surface but not thought through well.

DH fairly regularly gets invited (often with me and sometimes kids too) to gigs in a box at the O2 through work. He/we only go to about 50% of the time due to the reasons you have mentioned.

SIL bought our DD a ticket to a Christmas show in London one year as an early Christmas present. We then had to buy our adult tickets in order to take her, pay for train fares...cost us nearly £200 and we didn't particularly enjoy the show. Now I know SIL better I understand it was a PA move...

Sounds like your brother meant well. If you really don't want to go then I would tell him rather than lie (in a nice way).

So don’t go. Problem solved.

Dear DB,

Thanks so much for the tickets for it was a lovely thought but unfortunately when I looked into the logistics it just isn't going to be possible for us to make the show. Would you rather have the tickets back to see if you can get a refund or should we just try and sell them on?

Love Zoey xxx

Job done.

You are making a huge mountain out of a molehill. I live rurally in the Lake District, the nearest big venues are probably Preston or Manchester, both of which are a good couple of hours drive away or at least a couple of trains, so I know what I'm talking about when it comes to difficult logistics.

If it was something I wanted to go to I would make the effort and make a weekend of it. If it was something I wasn't that fussed about going - and then with all the faff of travel/hotels/cost etc it's not worth the effort - I would either politely decline the tickets or, if I only realised after the fact, I'd send the message above.

If done politely then there's nothing wrong with declining a gift of tickets for an event - I'm sure the sender always knows there's a risk that the person they are gifting with tickets won't be able to use them and I'm sure they'd rather you were honest than make up lies.

It's a lovely, thoughtful gift but TBH I'd always talk to somebody before giving a gift like that because of the transport issues - I know I'd not be able to afford to go if I got a gift like that.

If you had always talked about wanting to see that particular band live then you are BU. if you like the band but have never hinted about seeing them live then you are NBU. I love several bands but would never be arsed to go to a concert it’s just that I’m too lazy to organise it and travel then wait around for hours not my thing

if someone bought me concert tickets without checking if I actually wanted to go I’d be pissed off and they would of wasted their money.

Well you DO sound negative, and as though you are making slight obstacles into bigger problems.

I mean obviously there is no point whatsoever getting the train if you are going to have leave halfway through the main band. That's obvious. But 2 1/2 hours drive, particularly if you live so rurally that I'd imagine you are used to driving for longer distances to get anywhere anyway, shared between two of you, isn't an issue at all. Millions of people drive into and around, and park in major cities, every single day. You could leave as early as possible, check into a hotel, and then stay there all the next day, visit some museums or do something else free/cheap in the city, and have a really nice weekend including seeing a band you like for just over £100, or less if you get a hotel further out, as others have suggested. That's a really cheap weekend break for two people.

Thus why people have pointed out that making use of the tickets is completely do-able if you want to do it. However if you don't want to go then that's obviously fine, and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. Most people would check before buying the sort of present that involved any particular organisation, so they can't really be offended if you point out their present will cause more hassle and expense than any enjoyment you might get from it. I think you have to be honest with them though, if you pretend you've gone you a)have to remember to keep up the lie for the rest of your lives, and b) they might be very proud of thinking of such a great present and send you off to the city for events for every single celebration in the future.

Hate tickets as presents . Especially surprise tickets.
Just ties you down to a date that might work out to be inconvenient
I was given tix for a concert with an hour’s drive in the middle of winter and just didn’t go. Was too stressful the thought of driving back from a big city late at night

If you're VERY VERY rural, aren't most things an HOUR away?

I'd be honest, say I can't afford the train fares/petrol/b&b etc so I'm afraid I'm going to have to sell them or ask him if he wants them back and go himself.

We live very rurally , DD and a friend went to see Onedirection at the O2
We took them an hour in the car , then they caught a National Express concert bus , which took them there and back ( then we picked them up at 3am , home at 4 , work at 9am )
So , look at National Express

I’d tell the truth.
It will probably sound ungrateful though so be prepared for that.

They probably thought it would be a great present (and many people would see it as such) and will feel bad. But lying would be so much worse!

Dear Bro,
Thank you for the thoughtful tickets to the blah that you know I like. I just can’t be bothered to go. Don’t be offended.
Love Zoeeeyyy

I think that should cover it.

She's not negative. She's being realistic.

Isn't life about shared experiences?

ues its a pain ... but it's also a memory

Sod that! I couldn’t be arsed with all that faff.

I wouldn’t want to hurt brother’s feelings either though, so I’d probably sell the tickets on the quiet and just ‘be ill’ on the day and not go.