To hold a reveal party for....

[Emilybrontescorsett]

My new house?
I'm thinking I could do with some cash as buying a new house is very expensive.
So after the wave of baby shower/gender reveal/henparties/stag parties/weddings etc etc
I've thought of having a kitchen reveal party!!!!!
It would go something along the lines of
Please come to my kitchen reveal party, where I will reveal the worktops/surfaces/units I have chosen, along with flooring choice.
Please bring either a starter, main or pudding plus a bottle of fizz, make sure it is not from Aldi !!!!
Please no cheap crap!
I will enclose a gift list but really really would prefer cash.
If you do happen to bring a gift( and not cash, which is much preferred,) then it must be only from the list and on no account be from any other shop than John Lewis
If you do not live near a John Lewis then please give me cash.

I'll include a tacky poem too.

Anyone who doesn't come will be deleted from my friends list on fb after I have posted a sarcastic meme about only true friends support you in times of need and those who don't can fuck off and die!

What do you think?

The skint mate (my she’s a breeder) well simply tell her the wrong date.cant have her all need &weepy spoiling your special day. Plus she’ll probably turn up looking a state.i expect that’s why her duh left Cassie she lets herself go. There was an article in home & smuggery about now to dress your house and it didn’t include weepy women.

It’s a shame your mate is so weepy cause her 5 kids could have be dressed Dickensian style and made to hand out canapés

Might not work if your family and friends live nearby, not inconvenient enough for them. Could I propose a destination location, e.g. Hawaii?

I must make sure that it is held on a day where public transport is very limited.
What about Christmas Eve? It’s a Sunday. Then you can have a massive strop if anyone refuses to attend.

Christmas Eve, pm, no children allowed-perfect.

Lovely. The five in Dickensian garb though... they could sing carols and collect money in a flat cap for 'charity' (which begins at home, as we all know). Smear some soot on their faces for added effect.

Yes! And if no soot available (or if it’s too sooty) mac do a very dark sparkly eyeshadow that’ll do nicely

The uglies,the in laws,the weepy and sad folk, can all be sent invites with the wrong date on it. Don’t want them turning up scaring beautiful, wispy people

Ideas to deal with that bestie - these people are so embarrassing, especially when she has helped you for years:
Go really weird on her and invite her to another party which does not even exist. Build up a huge log fire in the guest room and dance around all night. Throw your father against the wall for good measure.
If she gives you a present say 'all the presents you have ever given me were crap'. Or say 'I didn't like that jewellery you gave me so I have given it to someone else'.

Finally insult her deeply then write and say 'You misunderstood'.

I’ve heard rumours there’s a book coming out!
Just before Christmas!
And it’s only 50 quid!
Is this true, please tell me it’s true!!
Can’t for the life of me remember what it’s called though 🎃👻💀

Chose some friends as kitchen maids, they can pay extra for the pleasure of going away the weekend before (splitting the cost of your food and accommodation between them) but be careful to ensure that someone is left out and only finds out about it on social media.

This is the best thing I have seen in ages 😂😂

Agree, invite some newbie friends hanger ons,overlook and disinvite long term friends in favour of new shallow egregious skinny friends. Flood your fab page with photos of the newbie hanger ons and drop their names and tittle tattle about their marvellous online media & pr jobs into every conversation.

Make the pre-release party eye wateringly expensive and obscure literary themed. The nomenclature of devils and demons in Armenian literature, that should do it.

I'll bring Froot Shoots and Greggs sausage rolls.

Why has nobody mentioned sugarcraft?

League table with guests names and amount given? Will show up the tight fuckers.

Small print on the invitation: please note you are guest no. 312. To secure your eligibility please ptransfer a non-refundable minimum gift of £250. You will then be guaranteed a place at the event if at least 25 people with lower numbers than yours decline.

Optional extras:
Front row place: £25 per minute (note minimum of 30 minutes required). Legroom: £11.99 per inch
Speedy door answering: £29.99
Use of toilet (no. 1): £12.99
Use of toilet (no. 2): :£16.99 plus £3.99 per minute exceeding 10 mintes
Toilet paper available on request for a small fee.
Mention in the speech: from £54.99 (please ask for more detail)

All prices excluding taxes and credit card charges may apply.

I've heard New Years Eve is very popular and it's is so convenient for summonsing your nearest and dearest minus their children. Everyone knows you can pass them to a friend for a day or 2 around the big day. Surely grandma would live to havr them and she only lives 4 hours away.
People will love the adults only time and don't get me started on breastfed babies, honestly, some women need to stop whining about their need to have their baby close by. They're 9 weeks old, not 9 minutes old! Lighten up and celebrate the house reveal sans baby.

@Maisypops

I've heard New Years Eve is very popular and it's is so convenient for summonsing your nearest and dearest minus their children

No, no, no. OP absolutely cannot have the party on NYE, people will be too broke after Xmas to buy gifts. She needs to have it before Xmas, say Dec. 24th then they have a week to recover for staying up late with their own families.

the snowest tues/Wed when people aren't off work and have to take at least days holidays seems like a good day (unless you're going for the next day bbq aswell and they'll need at least 3)

mum
Mid week events are the best, especially if in thr name of fairness ability to have pretty pictures taken everyone must travel 6 hours to the venue.

so ur basically asking ppl to fund yr very specific interior design ideas.. Cash, John Lewis, no cheap crap and bring your own food, eh? Sounds like u don't know the meaning of the phrase "times of need". More like "give me what I want in my little world of self indulgence"!

She's not asking people to fund it. She's asking people to celebrate it with her. There going to bring gifts anyway, she might aswell tell them what she wants. It'll save everyone embarrassment or a trip to the charity shop

And of course there's the dress code - a single colour (turquoise, perhaps?), so the guests looks good in the photos you'll be showing off at future events.

Giveortake has fantastic ideas on subtle extra charges. You could definitely make enough to cover the worktop on toilet charges.

I can't believe some people are trying to put a dampener on the OP's plans for her special kitchen reveal event. OP, it's your day. You come first. Your friends will feel honoured that you have invited them.

Obviously you can't have grubby guests going into your own personal loo, so I'd suggest getting some portaloos and rigging them to be coin operated only. Should be a nice little earner works at bloody train stations

I would go for Fortnum & Mason.

John Lewis isn't what it used to be.

I think you can probably have the reveal party on NYE but only if you do the pre-reveal on Christmas Eve on a remote Scottish island in a castle. Minimum room costs £500pp, accessible only by helicopter (£350 pp, each way). No children, obvs.