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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think there is a psycho parent in my DC's class?

126 replies

Peregrane · 25/10/2017 16:58

DC had his fourth birthday recently and we invited the children he is friendly with to our house for a small party. There were only two from his class that we invited (won't bore you with the reasons), one of whom was his "best friend" from the start (i.e. when they started at 3 years old, as they do in this country - we have moved abroad).

I had slipped the invitations for the classmates discreetly into their school bags that are hanging outside the classroom. That very day we received the invitation to his "best friend" back through our letterbox, with a message scribbled on it to say that sorry but the child cannot attend the party.

We were a bit sad for my DC but these things can happen. I thought it was weird though that the "best friend"'s mum did not say anything about it when we coincided at drop-off over the next few days. Long story short, it came up in the end after the party actually took place, and the best friend's parents claimed that they never received the invitation! They took the trouble to verify that I really put the invitation into the right schoolbag, walked back to the classroom to check the correct peg etc.

The only alternative explanation I can think of is that another parent saw when I slipped in the invitation, got miffed that their child was not invited, fished out the invitation from the "best friend"'s bag and maliciously replied with the rejection. It sounds too crazy to be true, right? But it also doesn't make sense for the best friend's parents to have rejected the invite and then to lie about it.

AIBU to think that one of the parents in this class is completely nuts? And what do I do if it's the queen bee mother who spends all the time at drop-off and pick-up monopolising the school staff, and generally acting like she runs the place? She does have a slightly deranged look about her (

OP posts:

AppleKatie · 25/10/2017 17:01

your assessment of the situation is probably sadly correct. All you can do is speak directly to the right parents in the future.

I suppose the only other option is that 'best friend' as an absusive/controlling/thoughtless father who decided to reject the invitation without speaking to the mother?

DancesWithOtters · 25/10/2017 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnicornSparkles1 · 25/10/2017 17:13

Wow!

Wishingandwaiting · 25/10/2017 17:21

Goodness, can’t believe you jump straight to that conclusion. I don’t think I’d ever reach that conclusion.

Lost invites at that age are commonplace. The child has a root around in his bag and the invite falls out / used for scribbling / dumped on the floor

KitKat1985 · 25/10/2017 17:21

Are you 100% sure the invitation went in the correct bag for the correct child? I'd have thought more likely was the invitation was put in the wrong child's bag, and said other parent who did pick the invite up didn't read the invitation properly enough to check who the invite was addressed to, and just declined the invitation.

Palegreenstars · 25/10/2017 17:24

As interesting as that option is I reckon your far more likely to have put in the wrong bag

Fernanie · 25/10/2017 17:24

Lost invites at that age are commonplace. The child has a root around in his bag and the invite falls out / used for scribbling / dumped on the floor

But that doesn't explain how it came to have "sorry X cannot attend" written on it when it made its way back to the OP.

RainbowsAndCrystals · 25/10/2017 17:24

Lost invites at that age are commonplace. The child has a root around in his bag and the invite falls out / used for scribbling / dumped on the floor

It wasn't lost though? The OP got the same invite back.

ownedbySWD · 25/10/2017 17:25

Gosh, that's creepy if true!!

LagunaBubbles · 25/10/2017 17:26

Lost invites at that age are commonplace. The child has a root around in his bag and the invite falls out / used for scribbling / dumped on the floor

But the invite wasnt lost - it was posted back through the door stating child couldnt attend. So someone wrote on it!

RainbowsAndCrystals · 25/10/2017 17:26

To be honest I think the parent is lying and for whatever reason didn't want their child to go.

ladybirdsarelovely33 · 25/10/2017 17:27

Was there anyone else around who saw you putting the invitation in the best friends bag? Was it common knowledge that you had done this?
Any suspects?

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/10/2017 17:28

Ask the mum if her ds would like to come over on a play date to make up for it. In future, yes, speak to parents directly.

Wishingandwaiting · 25/10/2017 17:28

Ah, I see.

Still, I don’t think psycho parent. But then I seem to live in a different world to most of those that start a thread in AIBU!

Aeroflotgirl · 25/10/2017 17:29

I don't know, sounds weird. Mabey you should have clarified with your ds best friends mum, that they are not able to attend. I usually hand out invites to parents themselves after school, so there is no confusion.

Babymamamama · 25/10/2017 17:30

This is why when dd was littler I would discreetly ask the numbers of parents of children whom she wanted to invite. And then texted them the invite. Avoided offending anyone that way.

WorraLiberty · 25/10/2017 17:31

Nah, I just reckon the wrong bag was hanging up and you slipped it in by accident.

Did your child not mention the party to his best friend at all?

Original poster

Peregrane · 25/10/2017 17:32

Wishingandwaiting - the invite was most definitely not lost as I receveived it right back through my letterbox! The rejection was handwritten onto our invite itself (I think I mentioned that in my OP). Our home address was printed on the invite (since the party was at our house), and we live a block from the school, so whoever dropped it off at our house did not have to go very far.

AppleKatie, I rarely see the father but I actually saw him a few days before the party at drop-off and I mentioned to him that it's a pity that his daughter cannot make it to our party (assuming that they had another engagement that prevented them from coming). He was completely surprised and said his wife did not mention anything to him, and pretty much started saying that he is sure they would be able to make it before biting off the end of the sentence (probably remembered that it would be better to speak to his wife first)! Sadly I did not bump into either of them for several days after, when at a school event they insisted on talking through how the bag into which I slipped the invitation looked, checking that it was on the correct peg, etc. It did not strike me as a case of abusive husband cutting out the wife.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 25/10/2017 17:33

I suppose the only other option is that 'best friend' as an absusive/controlling/thoughtless father who decided to reject the invitation without speaking to the mother?

Yes, that's literally the only other option!

MuseumOfCurry · 25/10/2017 17:34

You put it in the wrong bag. I feel pretty certain of this.

supersop60 · 25/10/2017 17:37

Pay attention people. The invitation was not lost - it was returned through the letterbox, but NOT, it appears by "best friend".

LagunaBubbles · 25/10/2017 17:38

I suppose the only other option is that 'best friend' as an absusive/controlling/thoughtless father who decided to reject the invitation without speaking to the mother?

Is that not a tad sexist? Why might it not be the other way around?

VladmirsPoutine · 25/10/2017 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

sleeponeday · 25/10/2017 17:39

Did the invitation name the child you were inviting? If not, then it sounds more probable that a book bag was on the wrong peg or something than anything else, and the wrongly invited child's parent didn't realise it was a mistake, and just sent the decline back as they walked past.

If the child was named, and there aren't two with that name in the class, then agreed that's all a bit weird.

ILoveDolly · 25/10/2017 17:40

Maybe best friend mum is the psycho

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