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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there is a psycho parent in my DC's class?

126 replies

Peregrane · 25/10/2017 16:58

DC had his fourth birthday recently and we invited the children he is friendly with to our house for a small party. There were only two from his class that we invited (won't bore you with the reasons), one of whom was his "best friend" from the start (i.e. when they started at 3 years old, as they do in this country - we have moved abroad).

I had slipped the invitations for the classmates discreetly into their school bags that are hanging outside the classroom. That very day we received the invitation to his "best friend" back through our letterbox, with a message scribbled on it to say that sorry but the child cannot attend the party.

We were a bit sad for my DC but these things can happen. I thought it was weird though that the "best friend"'s mum did not say anything about it when we coincided at drop-off over the next few days. Long story short, it came up in the end after the party actually took place, and the best friend's parents claimed that they never received the invitation! They took the trouble to verify that I really put the invitation into the right schoolbag, walked back to the classroom to check the correct peg etc.

The only alternative explanation I can think of is that another parent saw when I slipped in the invitation, got miffed that their child was not invited, fished out the invitation from the "best friend"'s bag and maliciously replied with the rejection. It sounds too crazy to be true, right? But it also doesn't make sense for the best friend's parents to have rejected the invite and then to lie about it.

AIBU to think that one of the parents in this class is completely nuts? And what do I do if it's the queen bee mother who spends all the time at drop-off and pick-up monopolising the school staff, and generally acting like she runs the place? She does have a slightly deranged look about her (

OP posts:
SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 27/10/2017 12:11

I have a genius of an idea - phone the parents and ASK!

Motoko · 27/10/2017 12:37

What I don't understand is that you mentioned the party to the dad, before the party happened, but after you'd got the invite back, and he said he thought it would be ok for the child to go. Yet when you spoke to them both after the party, he seemed to not know about the party at all.

That just doesn't make any sense.

Original poster
Peregrane · 27/10/2017 16:10

Intomyarms, that sounds feasible and reasonable. I'll pitch that to the school. Thank you for the idea.

SloeSloe - on what phone number, and ask what precisely (beyond the face to face conversation we've already had and I reported here)? :)

Motoko, not sure where I gave the impression that the dad did not know about the party when I spoke to them both at the school event.

OP posts:
Haffdonga · 27/10/2017 17:12

No. That's not a coincidence. Definitely talk to the teacher.

You never know, there may be some weird school policy that parents aren't allowed to contact each other through the school bag system. It could even be the teacher herself who has been removing any non school sanctioned communications from bags. (Certainly doesn't explain the party rejection note to you though.)

If there is a weird parent/helper/member of staff/child removing items from bags the school needs to know for mutiple reasons including security, confidentiality and general being aware of unusual behaviour.

If there is some weird rule that prohibits book bag mail you need to know.

If there is some weird child/adult with a personal grudge against you and /or your dd. You and the school need to know urgently.

Talk to the school.

MiddleClassProblem · 27/10/2017 18:05

Omg I want to fly to where ever you are and stage a party just to catch the culprit! 🕵🏽‍♀️

hiddley · 27/10/2017 18:32

How odd. Seems like you have indeed got a saboteur. But that means you're not the only creepy bag-lurker as the saboteur must also access the bags to take the invitations out?

Mittens1969 · 27/10/2017 18:38

It does sound like you have a party saboteur, that really is odd, OP. You really should talk to the teacher about it, as it needs sorting out.

hippyhippyshake · 27/10/2017 19:02

As a parent I wouldn't like to think other parents are delving into my child's bag. Private letters to or from school could be in there. And remember it's only a short step from popping an invite in to getting caught checking the colour banding of the reading book and then your reputation would be in tatters GrinGrin (Have seen someone do this and try to deny it, very embarrassing) Grin

I can't quite believe in the sabotage and there's probably a rational explanation somewhere.

zoomer456 · 27/10/2017 22:33

I refer to my post yesterday. I still do not understand how they couldn’t have known about the party when you mentioned it to the father a few days before?

hiddley · 27/10/2017 23:11

Incidentally, did Queen Bee's child get an invite?

hiddley · 27/10/2017 23:12

And please tell me the country as I'm a curious wee individual nosey as fuck

Motoko · 28/10/2017 02:35

Ah, I got it mixed up with when you originally spoke to him. I was thinking that he was surprised when you spoke about it at the school event.
My mistake.

CakesRUs · 28/10/2017 02:39

I think private posting them yourself was not the best idea. I’d put them in that parents hand.

Sensimilla · 28/10/2017 07:55

How would the hypothetical saboteur even know that there were party invites and in which bags, to be removing them?

Are we to think that the crazy woman checks every bag, every morning?

DownbutnotfullyOut · 28/10/2017 12:52

As a parent I wouldn't like to think other parents are delving into my child's bag

This - and this is a main part of the reason why I think it's creepy.

Imagine how you'd feel if you left your handbag by your desk at work and when you got back someone had put something in it. Doesn't matter whether it is nice (invitation) or unpleasant (slug) the point is that a bag is a person's private property and no one has any business inserting stuff without permission.

When you add into this the fact it is a child's bag AND this is taking place in a school, it is creepy because it involves a child, loitering/ hanging around and the fact that parents have the opportunity to do this at all.

What's to stop a parent who's child is being bullied dropping a razor blade into the bully's bag for example? Or a poison pen letter warning off the child and their parents?

I DO think dropping invitations like that is a weird thing to do and says not good things about the school that it can happen at all.

When I was at school, the children were given the invitations to hand out to their friends. It was part of the fun ritual of a birthday party doing it yourself. If they are too young for that, then invite via the parents.

Covert inserting is a bizarre way to go about it

youarenotkiddingme · 28/10/2017 13:53

This is a whole new level of classmates and birthday party madness 🙈😂😂

Original poster
Peregrane · 28/10/2017 19:02

Jesus! Razor blades in the school bag of four-year-old children?! What kind of a sick mind would think of doing such a thing?

I am not going to explain again why I delivered the invites this way. I don't think it's ideal either, but neither was the alternative of going through the teacher - maybe I still should have done the latter, but I don't think it's as bad as some of you make it out.

As I said, the only thing the bags tend to contain is the snacks for the day - these are four-year-olds, and I have no clue what colour bands on reading books are anyway :) On the "way back", the teachers do put communication from the school in the bags when needed, but the parents don't tend to send anything private in via the bags. Money and forms are handed directly to the teacher or to the school admin.

I will pitch Intomyarms' idea of a voluntary email group to the teacher, which could provide a superior alternative for party invites in the future...

How could a hypothetical saboteur have known - by observation while dropping off their child at the same time. I am never the only parent there (and some of them hang around longer than others).

OP posts:
Original poster
Peregrane · 28/10/2017 19:04

I'd much rather receive an invite via our school bag (or receive nothing at all) than have my DC feel sad as someone is cheerfully handing out invitations to some kids and leaving mine out. So I would not do that to other children either.

OP posts:
permatiredmum · 28/10/2017 23:26

Hanging round the school bags and discreetly inserting invites in the hope you'd apparently not got the right bag is creepy as fuck

Creepy is maybe not the right word but I agree that you should not be going into other children's bookbags.Not acceptable!

Intomyarms · 29/10/2017 00:14

When I was at school, the children were given the invitations to hand out to their friends. It was part of the fun ritual of a birthday party doing it yourself. If they are too young for that, then invite via the parents.

This is strictly forbidden in my DC's school. It is written into their policies and rules. Thank goodness. The upset it must have caused to uninvited children is awful to even contemplate and sadly there are children who won't be invited to many, if any, parties. : (

permatiredmum · 29/10/2017 00:30

Surely a nearly 5 year old can recognise 5 friends names on the envelopes and give them out herself

EskiVodkaCranberry · 29/10/2017 01:11

Are there any other children with best friends name at the school? Could it have fallen out and been put in the wrong bestfriendsname bag? And that child thought Confused who is this person I’ve never heard of and the parents rsvpd to your house to avoid the weirdo by the bags look?!
And the second party... hmmm well all you can do really is host another party and see if the pattern continues Grin

springydaffs · 29/10/2017 01:37

Does the school have security cameras in the corridors?

Protectingmydaughterfromfilth · 29/10/2017 03:12

Show best friends Mum the handwriting? Compare it to other things she’s written?

Protectingmydaughterfromfilth · 29/10/2017 03:17

I think the parents are lying. I think they’re just being polite in person

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