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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think there is a psycho parent in my DC's class?

126 replies

Peregrane · 25/10/2017 16:58

DC had his fourth birthday recently and we invited the children he is friendly with to our house for a small party. There were only two from his class that we invited (won't bore you with the reasons), one of whom was his "best friend" from the start (i.e. when they started at 3 years old, as they do in this country - we have moved abroad).

I had slipped the invitations for the classmates discreetly into their school bags that are hanging outside the classroom. That very day we received the invitation to his "best friend" back through our letterbox, with a message scribbled on it to say that sorry but the child cannot attend the party.

We were a bit sad for my DC but these things can happen. I thought it was weird though that the "best friend"'s mum did not say anything about it when we coincided at drop-off over the next few days. Long story short, it came up in the end after the party actually took place, and the best friend's parents claimed that they never received the invitation! They took the trouble to verify that I really put the invitation into the right schoolbag, walked back to the classroom to check the correct peg etc.

The only alternative explanation I can think of is that another parent saw when I slipped in the invitation, got miffed that their child was not invited, fished out the invitation from the "best friend"'s bag and maliciously replied with the rejection. It sounds too crazy to be true, right? But it also doesn't make sense for the best friend's parents to have rejected the invite and then to lie about it.

AIBU to think that one of the parents in this class is completely nuts? And what do I do if it's the queen bee mother who spends all the time at drop-off and pick-up monopolising the school staff, and generally acting like she runs the place? She does have a slightly deranged look about her (

OP posts:

VladmirsPoutine · 25/10/2017 19:08

Ok, then I think the thing to do is swap numbers with best-friend parents and do it directly (in the future).

Tbh I think it was wrong to be 'sneaking' invites into their school bags surreptitiously to begin with. If I'd been standing on the side-lines watching and saw you poking around my dc's school bag, I'd have thought that rather odd regardless of your intentions. Who is to know your intentions.

StealthPolarBear · 25/10/2017 19:08

Sorry I'm confused, so the dad did know about it before hand? So why deny all knowledge after the event?

AppleKatie · 25/10/2017 19:17

surely it's even weirder if a stranger did it?

OvOntToSuckYourBlood · 25/10/2017 19:24

I'm not saying it's impossible another parent did this but I think it's more likely that the mum did refuse the invitation.

It doesn't have to mean she doesn't like you or want her DS spending time with your DS - she might just not be confrtable with the whole socialising thing ( I say this as a semi hermit!)

So she sent the no thanks reply through your letterbox. Her DH didn't realise any of this. So was confused and cut off his reply as he thought he'd better check with his wife in case he was dropping her in it.

She'll have been all annoyed and embarrassed when he admits what he's said. So she's made him go along with the 'never saw the invitation' ruse.

The checking pegs and bags seems like overkill and someone not at all innocent doing some overacting!

MiddleClassProblem · 25/10/2017 19:25

Absolutely but there’s nothing you can do about it and it’s a possibility so I would go around d making assumptions about any other parents

StrangeLookingParasite · 25/10/2017 19:36

I wish people would read the thread before replying, especially if condescending to the OP, insisting she's not that important.
This sounds really odd, and I can only think either the parents themselves aren't keen to continue the friendship between the children, or that someone else took the invitation out of the right bag and put it through your door.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 25/10/2017 19:36

If you still have the scribbled rejection message then you have a handwriting sample from the culprit including the way he/she writes X, the name of the friend. You could ask the Mum to write down her number on a bit of paper for you - a plausible request in the circumstances - and ask her to write 'X's Mum' beside it so you can compare the way X is written in both and see if it's the same style.

(I think I'm getting too invested in this mystery!)

sonjadog · 25/10/2017 20:38

I suggest you organize a card for parents to send to the teacher. Make everyone write a small note on it before they sign. Then compare the handwriting.

SierraFerrara · 25/10/2017 20:41

Strangelookingparasite, if you meant me saying I said the OP wasn't important. I didn't. I am sorry however, if that is how it sounded.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 25/10/2017 20:46

I think the oddest possible explanation is that someone else was so incensed at not being invited to your child's party that they sabotaged it for the child who was invited
Far more likely that they were so embarrassed at being questioned on the refusal after the event (why did you?) that they denied all knowledge.

pelmeni · 25/10/2017 20:53

This is riveting, OP. I think you should get the names and numbers of both parents, handwritten, and do a handwriting analysis.

BirdInTheRoom · 25/10/2017 21:17

Did you put your phone number on the invitation OP? I find it strange that the person didn’t just text to say their DC couldn’t make it - it seems a lot of effort to put a note through your door. Unless of course it wasn’t DS’s best friend’s parent that did it, but someone else - they wouldn’t be able to text because they would get found out as it would be from the wrong number...

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 25/10/2017 21:24

Maybe the invited child did it...

VladmirsPoutine · 25/10/2017 21:41

Maybe the invited child did it...

Or the butler near the drawing room? ... the mystery deepens

Clankboing · 25/10/2017 21:42

To the PP who implied that people would not be that bothered: in my son's first week in Reception class, it was his birthday. He had only met one half of his class as the class were still doing their staggered induction. Therefore I invited that half of the class. (Plus I was skint). Another mum approached me to say that her daughter was devastated that she was not invited. Apparently she had found out about the party as her cousin in my son's half of the class had been invited. This mother really was not happy with me at all! I should have invited everyone apparently.

WillWorkForShoes · 25/10/2017 22:23

So either best friends mum receives the invite which was in her sons bag, declines the invite and then feels a bit uncomfortable explaining why she'd rather her child didn't attend

crazy parent spies OP putting an envelope in another child's bag, realises straight away it is a party invite, or is so nosy she has a good root around, and then responds in the negative to someone else's invite to be malicious.

OP, I think your son's best friend couldn't attend the party for whatever reason and the mum doesn't really want to discuss why.

quizqueen · 25/10/2017 23:09

Some people lie all the time and often, to cover their tracks, the lies often get bigger. I would guess, for whatever reason, the other mother didn't want her child to go to your party and the rest was just an act of deception. You say the husband wears Italian suits. When they saw your address, could it be that they consider themselves too superior or something- who knows what people think. When I lived in Belgium, my kids mixed with ambassadors' kids at the British School but no one was snooty but as the saying goes 'there's nowt so queer as folk.

Motoko · 26/10/2017 00:42

I think what Blood said is what happened. It's the most plausible explanation.

DanHumphreyIsA · 26/10/2017 01:01

He was completely surprised and said his wife did not mention anything to him, and pretty much started saying that he is sure they would be able to make it before biting off the end of the sentence (probably remembered that it would be better to speak to his wife first)

It sounds like her husband realised he’d put his foot in it mid sentence, remembering his wife had mentioned something about declining an invite and veered the conversation off hoping you didn’t hear him properly.

I imagine when he told his wife about it, he was met with a death stare

Intomyarms · 26/10/2017 01:15

Or he bit off the end of the sentence because he probably realised his wife would not want to go?

I'm another who thinks she popped it back in and is denying all knowledge.

Intomyarms · 26/10/2017 01:20

Yep, had a lengthy discussion about the bag

And sorry OP but this is just too much., far too much.

DownbutnotfullyOut · 26/10/2017 01:43

The most "psycho" part of this story is:

I had slipped the invitations for the classmates discreetly into their school bags that are hanging outside the classroom.

which is downright weird - and actually the cause of all of the trouble.

If you'd actually directly delivered invitations like a normal human none of this would have happened.

Hanging round the school bags and discreetly inserting invites in the hope you'd apparently not got the right bag is creepy as fuck.

My money is top two explanations being wrong bag, reply from wrong recipient or actual recipient dissembling for reasons of their own (didnt want to come/doesn't want their child socialising with yours/doesn't wnat their child hanging out with the one with the loitering creepy parent discretly inserting stuff in unattended school bags)

HeebieJeebies456 · 26/10/2017 01:45

I find it quite disturbing that any adult can access other children's school bags like this - and without being clocked by the teachers!

Leilaniii · 26/10/2017 01:53

Ooh, I'm loving this thread !

Does the child have an older sibling who could have done it?

Dustbunny1900 · 26/10/2017 02:00

If the confrontation-shy mother didn't want her kid there, she could have much more easily said they never got the invite (so obviously not replying)..or that they had other plans..or their kid was sick ..or any number of things vs scribbling on the letter w a curt "x can't make it" and walking/driving over to your house and putting the letter through your letterbox and leaving..then denying it ever took place and making a huge deal of walking you through which bag you chose.
Unless they are the unhinged ones with a lot of time on their hands to f*ck w your head? None of it makes sense!

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