Uncle's wedding and pregnancy

[orionpie]

Name changed for this . I possibly am being unreasonable but would like some one else’s perspective.

Basically my uncle (mum’s brother) is getting married for the third time in two weeks time . I’m due in one week but all of my other three kids were born at 41 weeks exactly . The wedding was a last minute deal and only booked four months ago . It’s a weekend type event where everyone will be staying for the weekend .
I’m a lone parent - husband left for OW in early pregnancy and hasn’t bothered with the kids since . The only support I have are my grandparents and my parents . I was relying on my parents (they offered) to look after my younger three when I go into labour , my last baby was an emcs so there’s a higher possibility that this one will be too . But today I’ve been told that if I go into labour the days before / the day of or anytime during the wedding weekend then nobody will be available to watch them and my gran who was going to be my birth partner also won’t be doing that .

I know I probably am being unreasonable but I literally have nobody now to look after my kids should I need it and I’ll be giving birth , possibly having a csection on my own . I have no money for a babysitter and definitely no money for a doula . What happens in this sort of situation where there’s genuinely NOBODY who could have the kids ? Can they go to the hospital with me? The middle child has sensory issues and wouldn’t be able to deal with a stranger even if I could afford a babysitter !

Aibu to feel like I’ve been let down a bit ?

I'm glad that your sister and her MIL have come through for you.

I would try and meet the MIL beforehand if you can, so that the children know her in advance.

I would also see if you can get school friends to act as back up if you can. Maybe ask different people for each child if you can, as looking after one probably will seem a whole lot easier than looking after three! Maybe one friend could take one of them anyway, and so leave MIL with just two.

Also wanted to add that it is likely that hearing that your family weren't helping because of a wedding, leaving your DC to go into foster care, the social worker left to organise this would be contacting your parents to clarify this before going ahead with foster care. When I was a duty Sw I often found that such a phone call was sufficient to bring family to their senses and offer support for DC.

So glad your sisters mil is such a superstar! Good luck, and remember this when your selfish family decide they next want your help or baby snuggles. Last in line, sisters mil would be having them first

Glad you’ve got this sorted. Was going to suggest a public shaming plea for help on Facebook if not.

I would be going mental in your situation.

I live in Sheffield if you are in this area or relatively local I am happy to. Help!

Just wanted to say I am so sorry for this awful situation you find yourself in, its horrible. I had a similat situation when pregnant with my second DS, went to Hospital clinic as normal, my BP was so high I was admited there and then, they were going to put my other 2 into care, at the last minute I remembered a friend I worked with who was lovelly did fostering, and thankfully, love her, she took them in.

Thank goodness for your sister and her MIL.

I'd be reconsidering your relationship with your parents.

for you and for your sisters MIL. Sorry your family aren't helpful.

I wouldn't be letting my parents anywhere near my children if they behaved like this. It's absolutely disgusting.

You've had to ask your sister's partner's parents because your own parents won't look after their own flesh and blood. I'm flabbergasted.

I'm guessing your parents are often borderline abusive hence why you're minimising this?

Terrible behaviour from your family. Thank goodness your sisters mil is a decent human being.

I'm pleased to hear you have got this sorted OP, yay for your sister and her MIL!

It absolutely disgusts me that men get away with this though, to have kids and then walk away without looking back. He should be in prison for fucking neglect, but of course the government has no real interest because raising kids is women's work anyway right...

Op glad you got this sorted. Your dps and ILs are disgusting as is your xh.

Hurrah for your sister's MIL, OP. Wishing you the best of luck with the birth.

How awful of them and thank god for your Dsis's MIL.

It's so easy to take supportive family for granted.

I don't know how many sections you have had but I had my third 4 months ago and I struggled in comparison with my other. It was a good few weeks before I felt ok. Having things like painkillers, pre-cooked meals might be a good idea.

Are your parents usually so unreliable and unsupportive?

Thank goodness for DSis and her Mil. You didn't panic over nothing, how upsetting for you and for no good reason.

If this were me, it’d take me a very very long time before I could think about forgiving my parents.

So glad your sister could help I'm just at the rest of the family

I second Ifearthecold, I'd have enjoyed tearing your ex a new one!!

I'm glad you've got something sorted. If it was me I don't think I could have my family around me now, even if it didn't clash with the wedding.

Thank goodness for your sisters mil. She sounds fab. Shame about your family. Excluding your sister. I hope it all goes well for you and your children.

OP glad you've got something sorted. But you do need to be practical and frank about it - eg, if discussing with your sister's MIL how long could she look after the kids for - and you, if it came to that? If you have an emergency or elective caesarian and aren't out of hospital for a week and can't drive etc etc? Is there pre-planning you can do to make it easier (difficult with 3 existing kids) but like cooking and buying ahead so meals are easier? Writing a plan of how you and your kids manage the day, when they sleep etc? Even if your sister's MIL can help, I'd still talk it over with doctor/midwife so there was back up care. And talk to your XH. Even if he doesn't step up, he needs to understand what you're going through.

Thanks everyone !
Just got off the phone with sisters MIL and she’s said the best way to do it is to come and stay from the Thursday till the Monday with me ! She’s only 10 miles away anyway but said she’d feel better because public transport isn’t great here .The wedding is Fri-Sun . She’s been so lovely about the whole thing . My sister now isn’t speaking to my parents or grandparents for this but I’m so relieved to have someone who can help . She might even bring her husband with her so that he can watch the kids and she can go to hospital with me , he’s been a teacher for 50+ years so is well used to cheeky kids

That lady is ace. And her husband. 👍

She really is . I’ve only met her a handful of times but she’s really showing me what family is