Uncle's wedding and pregnancy

[orionpie]

Name changed for this . I possibly am being unreasonable but would like some one else’s perspective.

Basically my uncle (mum’s brother) is getting married for the third time in two weeks time . I’m due in one week but all of my other three kids were born at 41 weeks exactly . The wedding was a last minute deal and only booked four months ago . It’s a weekend type event where everyone will be staying for the weekend .
I’m a lone parent - husband left for OW in early pregnancy and hasn’t bothered with the kids since . The only support I have are my grandparents and my parents . I was relying on my parents (they offered) to look after my younger three when I go into labour , my last baby was an emcs so there’s a higher possibility that this one will be too . But today I’ve been told that if I go into labour the days before / the day of or anytime during the wedding weekend then nobody will be available to watch them and my gran who was going to be my birth partner also won’t be doing that .

I know I probably am being unreasonable but I literally have nobody now to look after my kids should I need it and I’ll be giving birth , possibly having a csection on my own . I have no money for a babysitter and definitely no money for a doula . What happens in this sort of situation where there’s genuinely NOBODY who could have the kids ? Can they go to the hospital with me? The middle child has sensory issues and wouldn’t be able to deal with a stranger even if I could afford a babysitter !

Aibu to feel like I’ve been let down a bit ?

[jay55]

Is there any way to get a message to your ex’s parents? Telling them the kids are facing foster care might jolt them in to helping.

[Anmi0802]

We live far, I'm in London and as you said, your son needs someone that knows him so good luck and your neighbour sounds like a good plan.

[IJustLostTheGame]

Your family are cunts.
Who the hell does that to someone?????
I'd definitely ask at the school gates, If you get no joy anywhere speak with your midwife. They can let you know what can be arranged. You won't be the only person who's been in this situation.

[milliemolliemou]

Speak to your family? explain the problem? As a DM or DGM I would personally sack off going to my brother or son's third wedding. Or make very sure I could get back PDQ.

And if you do have medical intervention a week before the wedding, you won't be able to look after a new baby and the kids. So would they consider going to the wedding after looking after you and kids for a couple of days? leaving you to manage?

Speak to your midwife/doctor/hospital to see if there'd be any support. Do you have a social worker? Is your Ex-H and OW not prepared to step up?

Good luck OP

[FruitCider]

Your family sound like utter cunts.

Put it back on them. “I cannot leave the children on their own whilst I give birth, what do you expect me to do?”

[orionpie]

Millie they know the problem . They offered to look after the kids because I don’t even know where H and OW are and any effort to contact his family is ignored . But it seems this is more important to them .
I don’t have a social worker but if I have no joy with asking my neighbour or at school then I will probably talk to the mw and ask her if she can refer me to one

[RB68]

How fucking selfish are they!! I hope you do sort something. Using Foster Care short term is not a failure so if you need to do that please don't feel like a failure. And make bloody sure your family know what you had to do so they could go on their piss up. Also please make sure the midwife you are under is aware of your situation and the latest developments so if there are any problems she knows what the plan is.

With that sort of family support who the hell needs enemies

[Inertia]

I would speak to your midwife urgently and see whether there's any chance of emergency foster care- a 70 year old neighbour who doesn't know your children very well may struggle looking after 3, especially when sensory issues are involved.

[user1494849703]

Oh Orion this is awful. Could you ask your sister to give them a stern talking to about it? Surely one of them can miss the wedding just in case. I am so sorry to hear that you are in that situation and I really hope that you get something sorted out.

[64BooLane]

I can't understand why your family is so unbothered about their grandchildren's wellbeing, let alone yours - it's just a jaw-dropping attitude. Is there more to it?

And as for your ex's parents - did they have a loving relationship with your kids before, but then just suddenly go silent because their son walked out on you? Wtaf kind of grandparents do that?!

Not questioning whether you are real, btw; and I hope you find a solution. I'm just kind of shocked that so many close relatives are willing to see you and your kids in this awful situation without seeming to give the slightest of fucks.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Text your parents. “If you cannot help, I will have to put the children in foster care. Is that what you are telling me to do?”

I’m so sorry. . Most people wouldn’t treat a dog like this, let alone beautiful, innocent children.

[User843022]

I'm rarely shocked on mn but this is unbelievable.
Ring your dm and tell her how upsetting this is for you, you need her support. They can't just say sorry we're off to a wedding instead. Are they usually useless, do they think you have other family or friends who can step in?

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I meant to say, I wouldn’t leave the children with the 70 year old, however lovely she is. It could be too much. At least in foster care, you know they will be safe.

[64BooLane]

The thing is even if you do find a solution - or if you have the baby earlier than you expect and your family do help - it doesn't erase the fact that they've thrown this huge stress grenade into the late stages of your pregnancy. It's beyond thoughtless. I'd struggle to forgive it tbh.

[Apileofballyhoo]

Just another voice of support. I'm sorry you've been let down like this. I hope you get sorted quickly.

[User843022]

Also, why have they only mentioned this today if the wedding's in 2 weeks and it was booked 4mths ago? Seems a bit odd.

[orionpie]

It’s not even a case of not going to the wedding , it’s about 40 minutes away so easy enough to come back if I needed them . Sister is disgusted and is asking amongst her friends if anyone would be available , she used to work as a nursery nurse in the uk so a few friends are dbs checked and used to children .
She’s also just suggested that she asks her MIL who lives about ten miles from me . So hopefully she will be free to do it !

In laws have always had an intense on / off relationship with the kids where they’re really involved for a few months then nothing for a few months .

[Scoobygang7]

@orionpie where about a are you near I also love very in rural Northumberland?xx

[orionpie]

Scoobygang I’m in Rothbury

[chocolateavocado99]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope your parents realise how selfish they are being.

[imokit]

Can your family take them away to the wedding stay in the hotel with the wedding party and then take turns looking after them (so they aren't physically at the wedding). Does your uncle know that his partner's insistence on a child free wedding may mean the kids go to foster care. A caring uncle would make an exception in this case.

[caoraich]

As PP have already said, your family are being cunts about this.

Agree that speaking to your MW is sensible- you won't have been the first in the sort of position and they may well be able to give you advice.

FWIW, my next door neighbour who I barely know recently came round very panicked asking me to look after her 2 kids the following week as she'd had a scary diagnosis and had to go in for an operation. I didn't think twice before saying yes- my logic being that if she was asking me then she probably had few other places to turn to. Hopefully your neighbour / school parents would think along the same lines.

[User843022]

Why don't you ask for an elective cs, if the last dc was an emergency cs I'm a bit surprised they haven't actually suggested it.

[orionpie]

Myrtle - it’s major surgery and as a lone parent who will then have 4 to look after , I’d rather not go through such an awful recovery if I can avoid it . It’s obviously an option but it’s not medically necessary and i found the last one very difficult

[Kintan]

So you've already had a crap time of it with your husband leaving, and now your family are withdrawing their support? That's outrageous, I feel angry on your behalf :( I hope your sister has a strong word with your parents, and one of her contacts or her MiL can help you out.