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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask parents to turn down volume.

260 replies

Borntobeamum · 24/10/2017 13:01

Sat in a nice restaurant in a hotel.
DH and I are celebrating and sat at the next table is a Mum and dad and their son- aged about 4. He’s watching you tube videos. With the sound on full.
Restaurant is full so can’t move tables.
The parents are both on their phones too.
There’s no interaction. Just tinny noises as they click on various pages.
WIBU to ask them to start up a conversation with their little boy. I could give them some ideas if they’re stuck!

OP posts:
CorbynsBumFlannel · 27/10/2017 13:07

Just like SOME people don’t seem to care about people with sensory issues that make the tinny sound of IPads unbearable or people like my friend who has to remove her hearing aids if someone near has one on full blast.

Spikeyball · 27/10/2017 13:18

The chances of each sort of disabled person being in close proximity to each other at the same time is very small. If that happened then clearly someone's needs aren't going to be met.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 27/10/2017 13:22

I disagree. The chance of my friend being able to find somewhere to eat where IPads and phones aren’t blaring out is close to zero (if you discount very upmarket places that she can’t afford). Maybe she should just stay in???

Lethaldrizzle · 27/10/2017 14:13

Ok so apart from Stephen Hawkins and people with special needs of any kind - can everyone else wear headphones!

Aderyn17 · 27/10/2017 14:25

Back in the day people used to cope with lots of things that were difficult because there was no choice. Now there is choice. Lack of ipads in restaurants didn't mean things were better - it just meant more kids were bored while waiting for their meal to arrive and more parents found going out for a meal to be more like hard work than relaxing.

Then we had tablets and phones - happy days all round as far as I am concerned. I got a chance to eat my own meal while it was still hot and talk to the other adults at the table instead of spending my whole time keeping my dc amused. The kids were free to join in when they wanted.
Weirdly, mine have all grown up to be capable of civilised conversation - we don't all sit and ignore each other, as some posters would have us believe is the inevitable consequence of tablets at the table Hmm.

A meal out is downtime for a lot of people. It's also expensive, so people should do whatever helps them relax and enjoy it. A parent enjoying a bit of peace and quiet at dinner, doesn't mean that society is going to to the dogs or that their dc never get spoken to and will all be in possession of an asbo by their 10th birthday Wink.

I agree that headphones are polite though.

disahsterdahling · 27/10/2017 18:15

My mum had a no books at the table rule too. I desperately used to read the cornflakes packet while eating my breaskfast! Usually thjere as some special offer or something so it wasn't just reading the ingredients. Someone will probably judge that too - cornflakes, all that sugar, shocking!

Anyway, I have always read at the table, so does DH and does DS. But we can talk to each other, too. And we don't take books out to restaurants or read at home when we have a nice family dinner at the weekend. But over lunch or breakfast, why not?

If your child really cannot cope with headphones, is it possible to go back to the "olden days" of colouring books or books generally?

I really don't believe all these kids have SN at all, most will just have inconsiderate or just uncreative parents who can't think of an alternative to a phone/tablet.

A few months ago we were on holiday and I looked around the cafe and said to DH what's wrong with this place? He didn't get it. NOBODY was on a phone. There was one lady on her own who was reading a book, everyone else was talking to each other.

messyjessy17 · 27/10/2017 18:21

Lack of ipads in restaurants didn't mean things were better

It does for many of us

A meal out is downtime for a lot of people. It's also expensive, so people should do whatever helps them relax and enjoy it

Well how nice for you that you can relax and enjoy at my expense. Because I can't relax and enjoy my expensive dinner because you have chosen to ruin it, in order to please yourself.

Aderyn17 · 27/10/2017 20:23

How have I ruined it for you by giving my child an ipad? I already said that headphones would be polite.

If you think times were better when kids didn't have ipads in restaurants, then fine, don't give one to your kid.

NannyOggsKnickers · 27/10/2017 20:40

This really annoys me. If we are going to do the disability one upmanship games (always so helpful) then how am I supposed to hold a conversation with the person I am sitting next to if your child’s device is blaring?

I have hearing loss in both ears (will be completely deaf in a few years) due to preventable childhood diseas (do I win Mumsnet bingo?) and I find it difficult enough in a noisy environment without another layer of sound blocking out the conversation of my dinner companions. This has happened to me before and I eventually gave up on talking to anyone at dinner. Hearing loss is isolating enough without rude fuckers making it more difficult. It was my bloody honeymoon as well.

I accept that I might struggle in a busy restaurant in the evenings. But this was at breakfast in a five star hotel. And yes, they were in their pyjamas!

Starlight2345 · 27/10/2017 21:09

My Ds was out for the evening with a group of us and our kids . Children were playing on phones Teacher college parent in the group said our kids were playing but chatting as well . Said the older kids aren’t doing that . So headphones wouldn’t work in our case . However I am unsure there is a need to have it blaring . Op has made no suggestion that child had Sn’s

ContessaBonessa · 27/10/2017 21:35

Selfish tossers. I'd have thrown my soup over them. I'd wait until it wasn't scalding hot before chucking it though. I'm not a total fiend.

llangennith · 27/10/2017 21:40

How antisocial! It's headphones on or iPad off in this family.

Spikeyball · 27/10/2017 21:49

"If your child really cannot cope with headphones, is it possible to go back to the "olden days" of colouring books or books generally?"

Finding strategies that work for a child that really cannot cope with headphones really isn't that simple.

FrancisCrawford · 28/10/2017 07:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

messyjessy17 · 28/10/2017 11:28

If you think times were better when kids didn't have ipads in restaurants, then fine, don't give one to your kid

Way to miss the point. It's your kid with the ipad that is the problem.

You said headphones would be polite, not that they would be a neccessity.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 28/10/2017 14:01

I have honestly never been to a restaurant where anyone had a device at BLARING levels. And had I done, I'd have asked if they could turn the volume down. Really don't understand why you don't ask rather than seething and ruining your meal.

DD has the volume OFF on her iPad when we're out because she can still play games without the sound. But we STILL get the tuts and judgey looks. And so much of this thread has been along those lines: 'I don't approve so you should find other ways to amuse your child'. It doesn't spoil your meal if my child is on their iPad with the sound off, so why comment?

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 28/10/2017 14:25

If you give your kid an iPad, Kindle, phone, whatever, with the volume off, fill your boots. Nobody else's business.

If you give them a device with the sound on you're an inconsiderate cunt and should stay home.

messyjessy17 · 28/10/2017 14:35

I have honestly never been to a restaurant where anyone had a device at BLARING levels
People have different interpretations. I have sensory problems, your ignorable could be intrusive and loud to me.

And had I done, I'd have asked if they could turn the volume down. Really don't understand why you don't ask rather than seething and ruining your meal

As people have said, when you ask you get told no. Or to go fuck yourself. Or ignored.

whatabreakthrough · 28/10/2017 14:43

My daughter has severe global delay, cerebral palsy and autistic behavioural traits. She hates hats, gloves, headbands, and it took two years for her to accept her glasses. I knew headphones would be problematic. I took her out and sat on a bench in a park produced her Kindle - excitement, then put headphones on her and explained simply (she has very limited understanding), she ripped them, I put them on, she ripped them off. This repeated a few times and she got it. It’s now become one of HER rules. She knows Kindle in bedroom = no headphones, Kindle outside the home = headphones. She signs for them as soon as she sees us get the tablet out.
The lure of Peppa Pig was stronger in the end than her aversion to appendages.
I’m sure a lot of people whose children won’t tolerate headphones, haven’t really tried. And you can both buy headphones with a reduced max volume and also set a max volume in settings on devices so no worries about hearing damage.
I would not use noisy devices in public buildings or transport and expect people to lump it.

Light, through perseverance and patience, you got there in the end

whatabreakthrough · 28/10/2017 14:54

I think it depends on the restaurant and the time of day.

If I'm out for a special meal ,in the evening and its costing a lot of money, I would be extremely annoyed if there were a child (or anyone for that matter) with their device on at a loud volume nearby, I would find it really annoying.
I would ask to speak to the receptionist's manager and if it wasn't resolved, I would refuse to pay the bill.

In a busy cafe in the middle of the day, a noisy environment is to be expected, especially if it's a cafe that's known to have lots of children, especially fast food places.
Tolerance is required in those places.

ArcheryAnnie · 28/10/2017 15:12

Just like SOME people don’t seem to care about people with sensory issues that make the tinny sound of IPads unbearable or people like my friend who has to remove her hearing aids if someone near has one on full blast.

This. All the "you people who don't want blaring iPads just want disabled people to stay at home!!" posters don't seem to realise that what helps one person may materially hurt another. Either that, or they don't care.

Spikeyball · 28/10/2017 15:57

I don't think anyone on here has said that a blaring ipad is a reasonable adjustment for disability.
Some severely disabled are largely invisible to society. They attend special schools or day centres and don't go to mainstream activities. They may only spend an hour a week amongst the general public. Their carer might only spend one hour a week amongst the general public.
In order to cope during that time they might use quiet noise. But apparently that is too much to ask. Apparently that makes them selfish and inconsiderate. Cunts even.

No they and their families are not the cunts here.

ArcheryAnnie · 28/10/2017 16:06

Spikey that still doesn't address the problems that people who cannot cope with extra background noise experience. What about their needs?

Spikeyball · 28/10/2017 16:13

I think for the tiny number of situations they are sitting within hearing distance of that quiet noise they should move further away or if they really cannot cope, leave.

My son sat outside a cafe in the rain this week because of a baby crying inside. He has to put himself out too.

ArcheryAnnie · 28/10/2017 16:18

I think for the tiny number of situations they are sitting within hearing distance of that quiet noise they should move further away or if they really cannot cope, leave.

How can you post about the plight of people with disabilities being excluded from public space, and then a heartbeat later, post this, Spikey? It makes no sense.